“I want a family” - this desire sooner or later arises in the minds of almost all people. But is family life really that good or is it better to remain single? If you do start a family, how to prepare for this serious step? The publication will answer these questions.
Single or married life?
For some, single life is real bliss and freedom, for others it is only melancholy and shackles. Some people dream of finding peace and family comfort as soon as possible, while others, on the contrary, strive to avoid tying the knot for a longer time. In most cases, single life attracts men, both young and mature. They can truly enjoy a free life until they feel the need to find a family.
Women, by their nature, tend to create comfort and homeliness. They perceive the absence of family in a negative way, especially if it has been absent for a long time. Therefore, it is quite normal if thoughts like “will I get married” arise in a girl’s head. It’s a rare woman who will be sincerely happy about her bachelor life. Typically, these include those who already have experience of marriage, and not the most successful one. Therefore, they do not want to live together with the opposite sex or try to postpone this moment as long as possible.
That is, everyone chooses for themselves how to live: freely or married. Single life has its pros and cons. We will talk about them further.
Pros of single life
The basis of a bachelor's life is freedom in all its forms and manifestations. Non-family people very fiercely protect her from the attacks of the opposite sex. Being able to do whatever you want in your single life is a major positive. The remaining advantages only follow from the concept of freedom.
- This is a lot of free time, which you can use only at your own discretion.
- The ability to manage your finances as you want.
- Free choice of friends, which does not depend on the sympathies of the chosen one.
- Gastronomic preferences are not controlled by anyone.
- A varied sex life due to constant changes of sexual partners.
- You can furnish your home however you like, based only on your vision of the interior.
- You choose how and when to clean.
- There is no need to adapt to someone, try to come to an agreement and look for compromises.
- A bachelor has low responsibility: you feed, provide for and are responsible only for your loved one.
- More opportunities to build a successful career that will bring high income.
- Less stress. No matter how good the relationship, family life is a constant test of nerves. Nobody bothers the boby to rest, get enough sleep and doesn’t drip on his brain.
The positives are quite impressive. It’s understandable why bachelors say: “I don’t want a family.” But there is a significant nuance here. All the delights of a carefree life can be fully experienced only from the age of 25-28. As a rule, by this age, both women and men live separately from their parents, become financially independent and are sufficiently prepared to independently resolve everyday issues.
Disadvantages of single life
Usually, awareness of the negative aspects of single life comes at those moments when a person is oversaturated with personal freedom. Then he begins to understand: “I want a family and children.” Moreover, single life has its downsides.
- Lack of psychological and physical support. A bachelor can rely only on his own strength in everything. This negative aspect is especially acute when assistance is required for health reasons.
- Independent housekeeping. This is the fulfillment of traditionally female and male responsibilities. Cleaning the apartment, cooking, carrying heavy and large items, fixing plumbing, electrical, and so on.
- Fickle sexual relations. Single people regularly have to look for a new partner, which can have a bad effect on libido. If the connections are random and unprotected, then there is a high probability of health problems.
- Low social activity. Most bachelors don't aspire to anything. The exception is self-care. It doesn't compare to the way he acts married man or a married woman. They help their large family, start a garden or dacha, go with their children to various interesting places, where they communicate with new people. This makes you purposeful and very developing.
Of course, one cannot categorically state that family life is a panacea for everyone, and bachelor life is selfish and immoral. A person should listen only to his feelings and act in accordance with them. It’s stupid to start a family just because it’s age-appropriate or because everyone you know has already gotten married. The decision to end single life must be conscious and sincere. Only in this case will it be comfortable in marriage.
Why can't you start a family?
What problems might you encounter? It happens that a person comes to the conclusion: “I want to get married,” but for some reason cannot achieve this goal. Why is this happening? This can be explained by the following facts.
The most important reason is to create an ideal image of a partner. Moreover, a person may not even realize that it is not true. Everyone wants to be paired with someone who is smart, beautiful, rich, caring, and so on. This is an abstract person with a certain set of traits and qualities, which simply may not exist in reality. You need to come down from heaven and not wait for a prince or princess.
The second most popular reason is lack of motivation and true desire. Yes, a person can say: “I want a family,” but in reality this is not so. It is simply based on the norms of society and the fact that he sees many married couples around. Therefore, it would seem that he also wants to become like this, although in fact there is no real desire. This situation often happens to women. Seeing how friends start families, they begin to complain: “Will I ever get married?”
A bachelor may be slowed down by his past. For example, there was already love in his life, but it ended in separation, although the feelings remained. Since then, other applicants are not recognized at all and are not considered for the role of life partner.
Very often, some unfinished business or career prevents you from starting a family. There is so much to do in life! Earn enough money, buy a car, an apartment, have time to travel. And this, of course, requires funds and free time. Once these goals are achieved, it will be possible to start a family and children. Many people think this way and risk not making it in time.
Some people are prevented from creating a serious relationship by complexes, self-doubt, weak character and vulnerability. These subconscious qualities program for an unsuccessful life in which there is no family happiness. In accordance with this, a person builds his behavior.
Sooner or later you begin to think about how to start a family and what you need to do to get there. This will be discussed further.
Ask yourself questions
First of all, you should ask yourself why you have not yet been able to start a family. You need to be completely honest with yourself and answer the question honestly. For clarity, the reasons can be written down on a piece of paper. For example, these could be fears, complexes or problems in searching.
It is also worth thinking about why you want to start a family. That is, you need to understand what exactly you expect from a marriage relationship. All the options that come to mind can be written down on a piece of paper. Answers in the style of “because relatives are pressing” or “it’s time due to age” are an indicator of unpreparedness for serious relationship. It's just a desire to conform to public opinion. If your intentions are sincere, then you need to try to eliminate the reasons why you cannot start a family. What's the next step?
Love yourself
Some say: “I want to get married,” but at the same time they don’t like themselves. Who will love a person who does not love himself? If there are any complexes that prevent you from starting a family, then you definitely need to work with them. If you have problems communicating with the opposite sex, then you need to attend psychological training. The figure can be corrected through sports and diets. Lack of repair or cooking skills will be corrected by appropriate courses. That is, any problem can be solved.
Some people are embarrassed by their appearance, although this complex is often far-fetched. But even if there are some problems with this, then it’s worth taking a closer look at happy married couples. Not all of them have ideal appearance. So that's not the point. A family is created with a person whose qualities correspond to one’s own expectations and values.
Reconsider the value system
Of course, the desire “I want a good family” will not be enough. These are just emotions. You must be ready to get married. And this is the maturity of the individual. To create a family, you need to have a certain value system. If it is different, then it will have to be reconsidered for the relationship to be successful. What to pay attention to before
- Be able to express your feelings. This can be done not only with words, but with touch and glance. It is also important to confirm your love in action, and not just talk about it. The partner must feel that he is loved and important to his chosen one.
- The ability to empathize emotionally with a partner. It is important to be an empathic person in marriage. After all, who, if not your spouse, will provide support. You need to not only listen about problems, but also listen to them.
- Consider the opinion of another person. In general, spouses have equal rights. Everyone has their own desires and responsibilities. This must be taken into account when planning family life. A woman does not have to be a housekeeper, and a man does not have to be a “wallet.” All roles are distributed by mutual agreement. You should discuss everyday issues in advance and make a decision together.
- Be responsible. Starting a family means at least taking care of one more person. Therefore, you need to learn to be responsible not only for yourself, but also for him. You will also have to think differently about money. Will need to plan family budget, keep track of your earnings and expenses, deny yourself something so that you have enough money for more important things. It is very important that both spouses share responsibility, and not just someone pulling the burden.
Decide on the criteria for the chosen one
It is important to understand what kind of person you want to see next to you for the rest of your days. To do this, you can make a list of preferred qualities. Appearance doesn't matter. It is necessary to indicate age, character traits, interests, skills and other characteristics. Something without which it is impossible to build long-term relationships.
There is no need to hope that there will be a person who fully meets all the criteria. It is better to rank the list and when choosing, rely only on the most significant qualities. For example, for some it is very important that a partner loves children, while others value similar hobbies. Everyone has their own preferences. Of course, the other half should also want to live in marriage. Otherwise, the statement “I want a family, to get married” will simply be meaningless.
Finding your chosen one
You can’t dream of starting a family and not leave the house. Your spouse will not fall from the ceiling. If there are only singles in your social circle, then you will have to make new acquaintances. You can visit restaurants, interest clubs, sports clubs, theaters, city events, and so on. But you don’t need to “go hunting” and hope every time that you will meet the one. It is important to keep a sober mind and just enjoy life. For some, the solution will be special dating sites. They can significantly reduce the time it takes to find your chosen one. But this method has its drawbacks. On the Internet, people often embellish their virtues and behave differently than in real life.
Don't rush things
When the search is completed, there is no need to rush and immediately stun the chosen one: “I want a family, let’s go to the registry office as soon as possible!” This will only scare you away, even if the person is not against marriage. Let the relationship develop gradually. Moreover, during this time you can get to know more closely all the advantages and disadvantages of a potential spouse. You can only think about getting married if you are absolutely sure that there is love, respect and compatibility. These are the basics of family life, without which you can’t live.
Discuss family life
When the proposal is made, it is important to discuss with your partner all the nuances that are associated with cohabitation. In the future, this will help avoid misunderstandings and major quarrels. It is worth deciding who will perform what duties, how finances will be distributed, how to raise children, what family traditions must be observed and so on. You can discuss everything down to the smallest detail, whatever comes to mind.
Preparing for family life is not a wedding celebration, dresses, a restaurant and a beautiful photo shoot. You need to learn to get along together, be responsible for others and respect your partner. Only in this case can a strong and happy family be created.
Good afternoon I would like to immediately apologize for my question - I will not be original, because “my” topic is not new: I am almost 36 years old, I am single, I have no husband and children and never have had one. I am an attractive girl, there are no problems in communication, I am a cheerful, friendly and sociable person, I have many acquaintances, I do not suffer from an inferiority complex, or delusions of “grandeur” - I do not specifically look for shortcomings in men in order to refuse them. But there is no close person either. I'm very worried about this. I’ve read a lot of literature on this topic, psychologists advise not to get hung up, spend more time in crowded places, and find an interesting job. Yes, yes, I have interesting classes, I read a lot, I study a foreign language, I went to dances. But the topic of marriage is a sore subject for me, I really want a family, not just formally for the sake of image, but a strong family based on love and mutual understanding, children. Doctors are already frightening me that in a few years I will no longer be able to give birth; old age is of no use to anyone. I noticed that I was giving up, I began to think about death as a way of getting rid of this worthless life. On the advice of psychologists, I help others who are worse off than me - kind words, business, if possible, money. I go to church, confess and receive communion, although not regularly. I’m embarrassed to talk about this topic with the priest of our parish. I sat on dating sites and found either Muslim migrant workers, or married people, or boys who were sexually preoccupied. They sit mostly out of boredom.
Tell me - how can I find out God’s will about myself? Maybe I’m not destined to be a wife and mother at all. Then how to calm down, how to stop hoping, live with the idea that you have such a fate, and come to terms with it.
I recently found out that one friend got married, another found a man, there’s just a stagnant swamp around me, I don’t have any changes. And then I realized that I was very jealous, I had never suffered such a sin, and painful envy was added to despondency and despair. I don't want to live. Without a family, you are an incomplete person, then why smoke the sky here? Unexpectedly, on the Internet I came across a book by Orthodox author Vladimir Cherepanov, “Secrets of Family Happiness.” I read it for a long time - it literally brought me back to life. If you can’t start a family, look for the wormhole in yourself and get rid of it. I'm quick-tempered, rude - yes. Touchy - yes. Sometimes I drink - yes. Etc. Envious? Already yes. We urgently need to correct ourselves, the author writes, because bad people The Lord does not give family. The author writes - go in for sports, lose weight if you are fat, etc. I took this into account and am struggling with myself. Only one thing is not clear to me - before my eyes there are examples of the opposite - a colleague, a girl who is very plump, masculine, rude, constantly quarrels, including with us, is hot-tempered... but she lives with a man. It turns out that God sent her family happiness. But, in my opinion, Cherepanov is still right - get rid of bad habits, including excess weight, it is necessary, it will always be useful in life.
Please advise how not to despair, I really want to create a good family and work for it. I'm just dying spiritually. I read prayers every day. But every day I think about my biological age and am horrified. “Women’s” time is already ticking by the clock - soon you can be left without children, especially since your health is not so great.
Friends advise me to give birth for myself - as I understand it, this is a sin. On the other hand, there is inexorable biological time. In a couple of years, nothing will be possible. Many priests advise taking a child from an orphanage - unfortunately, the income does not allow it, I cannot support both myself and the child on my own.
Help me please! I understand that no one will help you except yourself. But these are not words, believe me, I am working on myself, trying to fight the sin of despondency and despair, changing. But there is still an icy melancholy of despair in my soul. I don’t want to take on self-pity and the role of victim, but I still can’t change it. And no hobbies, etc. I can’t compensate for this loneliness. The most important thing is that I’m not bored with myself, but I’m already tired of being alone, I want to earn a family from the Lord. Is this real? Or is it not given to everyone? All my friends and those around me are surprised - why nothing is working out for me, if only I had a man, and I would ruin all the relationships myself - but nothing is clear...
You often have thoughts that you cannot start a family. But nowadays this is not so important. Well, think about it, this is probably not given to everyone. But in another direction of life, something turns out better than others. Although, after such conclusions it does not become easier.
You get distracted for a while, sometimes you forget that you really want to start a family. But the same thoughts keep spinning in my head: “I really want to start a family! What to do? What should I do? I should have it and that’s it! I really want a family!”
And this feeling, eroding from within, is not going to disappear anywhere. It whines endlessly, like toothache. And sometimes so much that you want to smash your head against the wall.
I really want a family - to each his own... Or rather, his own person!
Yes! You are constantly waiting for that one, faithful and reliable man who, just like you, really wants to start a family and children. For whom the value of family is not an empty phrase. Someone who won’t spend days lying on the couch talking about love. And he can provide for you and your children.
But for some reason you are always wrong. Sometimes you look back and begin to remember the men on whom you pinned your hopes. But... it didn’t grow together, it didn’t stick together, it didn’t work out to create a family. Because she often chose the wrong men. And I really want to know: “Where is he the one? Where is he - my man? After all, I really want to start a family! I just need it!”
All my friends have been married for a long time. And you keep making jokes about this topic. You keep preparing new stories about why you are still not married. I'm tired of making excuses. Explain something to someone. Everything would be different if you yourself knew the answer to the question “How to start a family?”
Where are you, my betrothed? I really want a family and children
People are looking for their soul mates, soul mates, or someone else. Everyone comes up with an image of a partner for themselves and adjusts it to their ideas. And when a potential partner meets, we have no idea who we have contacted.
Because our desires to see him exactly the way we want him are not true. And while we understand this, time passes, during which we manage to make many mistakes and accumulate unpleasant experience. Or even leave the relationship with resentment. What next? Wait, search and make mistakes again?!
I'll definitely be lucky! Is it possible to rely on luck when it comes to wanting a family and children?
Certainly! But just this “luck” and who will be lucky and where is not the probability that will lead to marriage. It’s like a finger in the sky... Why gain unpleasant experience or, for example, waste time on the wrong thing when there is a great opportunity that will reveal the whole mechanism and all the secrets of the relationship.
It will reveal how to see and understand what kind of person is in front of you. With what intentions, what is hidden behind the sweet words of love. Is this really what he thinks? How not to miss someone who may be modest, but will do more to start a family than you think.
How not to wait for fate, but to find out and choose the one yourself and start a family? If you think: “I really want to start a family, but I don’t know how?!”, then take the first step: start with this article “
It is a great thing to rely on God and pray. Someone comes and says:
– I want to start a family, but I don’t know how to do it, where to find the right person, etc.
Some of you have written to me about similar problems, problems with your children, about yourself - that years are passing and you are not yet married, etc. Yes, years and time pass, but do we know what the words mean? time passes? God knows the time, the time is what God wants, the time is good!
“But,” you say, “I’m already 35 years old!”
Well, maybe God wants you to start a family at 38?
– But I’m already over 40!
Well, maybe God wants you to start a family later, or maybe He has a different plan for you that is great nonetheless. It is unknown to me so that I can reveal it to you.
Should I tell you something simple? You pray to God that He will reveal it to you. To enlighten you, pray!
One day one such person came to me and said:
– I want to start a family. What should I do, help!
- What kind of help am I in this? What do you mean?
- So that you tell me what to do...
No, please don't do anything, first calm down. You are stressed, and when you are stressed, you cannot create a healthy family, because when you are stressed, you will be overwhelmed by panic and uncertainty, and even if you find the right person, this stress and fear will again make itself felt: “Will she want me? Will our relationship work out? Shall we go our separate ways? Will she leave me like last time? Will he reject me? What if she doesn’t like me?”
This is stress, my child. You can't create healthy family, if you start with such stress. What are we even talking about for so long? Trust God! Love God! Believe in God!
“I love Him,” he says, “but...
Okay, but if you loved Him, would you be so panicked? Do you love God and panic? Now, if I take your hand and squeeze it, you will feel warmth and say: “Oh, I feel confident, calm, someone is holding my hand!” So, it means that people touch you, and you calm down, and God touches you - and where is your peace of mind? Where? So let's calm down first.
God's will is clearly reflected in calm and peaceful souls
Do you know why you need to calm down? So that you can clearly see that there is no more stress inside you, so that panic disappears, peace comes, because on these issues - and on creating a family - God's will is clearly reflected in calm and peaceful souls. Your soul must be quiet and calm so that God's will is reflected in it. If you are overwhelmed with panic and confusion, God's will cannot be reflected. You make frantic movements, distort your image and create a false image of yourself in the eyes of the person you meet because anxiety and uncertainty emanate from you.
First of all, leave everything to God. Someone said one wonderful thing, namely, that these issues are resolved, do you know when? When they stop bothering you. I really like it. When you stop stressing about something, then it will settle down. And if you are stressed, it cannot settle. Stress does not help, but, on the contrary, creates a very unpleasant and difficult climate for resolving our problems. Calm down, forget about the problem! Live your life!
“But,” he says, “life has no meaning for me!”
Life is beautiful not because of family, but because Christ exists
So what are you saying? Does your life have no meaning? So your life has no meaning because you didn’t start a family? Are these serious words? The first lesson you must first learn before you start a family is that life is beautiful not because of the family, but because of the existence of Christ. Our beloved Christ is so rich in gifts that he gives us a family; but even if you didn’t start a family, life in Him is wonderful.
We offend God, offend God and commit sin, saying: “If I don’t start a family, my life has failed and has lost all meaning”! This is wrong.
Firstly, life is beautiful because the Lord exists, our Christ exists. One man once went to and said:
- Father, I’m in trouble, I feel bad!
- Why, my dear?
– I’m 40 years old, and I haven’t gotten married yet!
- Well, don’t be upset! - said Elder Paisiy. – I’m already 70, and I haven’t gotten married yet either!
He said this and laughed. I mean, don't look at it that way. The question is not about age and not about the fact that your turn has come and now something should happen, but about trying to improve your inner world.
I heard about this incident from one of his conversations; I don’t know if he heard this himself, but he was personally acquainted with Elder Paisius.
It is a good thing to make peace with God, because this way your matter will be settled.
“But you tell me to do something practical!” To walk, look, act!
Look, I’m not forbidding you, I didn’t tell you to lock yourself in your house and wait for everything to be decided on its own, or for a gift to fall from heaven, a gift of family, and the person in your life to fall from heaven. And it can happen. If you have such holiness and boldness, then this too will happen. says: “If we had so much living faith in Christ, real living faith and love, then we would say: “Lord, I will go to confession, and then take communion, pray, leave the house, and the first person I meet, and will be the one with whom I start a family!”
Shall I tell you something? Don't do it, don't do it, because you might get disappointed and disappoint others. I mean - You do not do this, but if any holy man does this, he will achieve success. Do you know why? Because if Christ saw that your heart was completely given to Him, that you entrusted everything to Him, do you know what the Lord would say? “This creation of Mine lives for Me, lives by Me and expects everything from Me. He entrusted everything to Me. Now he is going out to meet the man of his life. I will not disappoint him, because if I disappoint him, his faith will waver, and he will say: “Where is my God? Lord, don’t you exist?”
This is my obedience to Christ. calls obedience sleepwalking. In other words - “Lord, I entrust myself to You and walk along the path of this life with my eyes closed, I sleep and walk. I'm going, that is. I act, I am active, but at the same time I sleep, i.e. I calm down, sleep peacefully, I walk and sleep.”
This is very interesting, it means that I entrust myself to God. If you do this and feel it as inner trust, then it is impossible that the Lord will not immediately solve your problem.
God delays because through the dangers, searches, mistakes, failures, torments, rejections that we endure or cause, He wants to teach us other lessons before we marry. Lessons of life, humility, patience, faith. Otherwise, how will you survive in life? You will become a worthless father, a precocious mother, if you act so hastily. You are stressed, you will carry this stress within yourself, and why are you starting a family - to put stress on others?
There are children who tell their parents when they quarrel:
- Did you guys meet in the dark, or what? Did you get married in the dark?
As some say: “Were you given a diploma in the dark, or what?”
Well, that's wrong. Why do children say this? Why? Because they understand that something doesn’t add up here, something is going wrong, and they see it - they see continuous nerves, grumbling, quarrels, arguments, anger, whims and whims. Well, what kind of marriage is this? What kind of relationship? And where do they look when they meet?
I liked what one of my friends said:
- Father, I will not pretend to be good. As soon as I meet a girl, at the second or third meeting I will tell her about my weaknesses, I will say that I have egoism, that I am nervous, that I can burst into anger.
- Come on, my child, calm down! – I told him.
- No, I want to say that I am not going to deceive another person. I want to tell her the truth that I will work on myself, I will try to improve, but I will not pretend to be someone I am not.
Well, as a spirit, as an ethos, as a way of thinking - I like it: “Sure, this may look like insecurity on my part, but I at least want to show her that I’m not playing her. I don’t try to convince her of something that doesn’t exist. I want to tell her what I really am. I don’t have a mask of hypocrisy on me, so that I pretend to be some kind of important bird, hide something, no, I’m a simple-minded, real, open person, I trust God and God’s people. Yes, I'm taking a risk, but I'm saying it anyway. I will tell her everything, and when I reveal to her my mistakes and infirmities, I will humble myself, and she will be touched by this and will love me even more, because I am not pretending to be something, but I am telling her who I really am.”
This is how we establish a good, humble, genuine, down-to-earth beginning in our lives, and Christ serves as our prototype. But still, it would be good that when a person is going to start a family, he has some kind of limit, because some people, in the name of sincerity, begin to tell everything about their lives, and the result is such that the other is hurt by this, disappointed and is horrified. You will clarify this with your confessor.
There are some things that we hide not out of guile and malice, but out of delicacy and prudence. Do you understand? It could hurt someone else. There is no need to constantly hammer away at mistakes that happened in the past and have already been confessed.
– What should I do then? – this man asked me.
I told him the same as at the beginning:
- Pray! It would be good for you to pray. First of all, he's coming, did you understand that?
-Who's coming?
- Your man! Can you hear his steps? Well, listen! Do you hear footsteps?
- What are you saying, father? What are the steps?
- I'm telling you! If you are over 20, then your person, the one you want to start a family with, the one God intended for you to meet at some point - you listen to what I say! – it already exists, it is somewhere.
You ask:
- Why are you telling me this?
I speak so that you can feel this reverence, tenderness and joy. I pray to God that your paths will cross, that you will meet. You and she, existing somewhere. And you, too, say in your prayer: “Lord, we are probably walking on parallel paths, or maybe we are somewhere nearby. The person whom You, in Your wise, most good and loving plan, prepared for me is somewhere. Lord, this girl whom You have prepared for me and who is somewhere, take care of her! Keep her, prepare her for me for this meeting, give her the gifts of Your Holy Spirit, give her Your blessing, love, protect her from every temptation, test, bodily and mental danger.”
Now do you know what to do? Pray for her, unfamiliar, unknown X, who, however, is known to the Lord. On the other hand, there is a famous X - this is our Christ... And it is a matter of days, months, years for the Lord to bring this person onto your path.
Christ already knows the name of the girl you will marry
Just think: you tell Christ, and Christ at that moment already knows the name of the girl you are marrying! He knows him, and on the wedding day everyone will solemnly hear him:
- The servant of God Nikolai is getting married to the servant of God Elena!
This Elena, about whom we will hear then, God already knows. And you say: “My Lord, I don’t know who she is, I don’t know how this meeting will happen, I don’t know what to do, because all this is not human, these are secrets.” As they say in the wedding ceremony, God makes this combination and union between husband and wife, this meeting. How can two strangers who did not know each other suddenly connect, recognize each other and become so attached, become so close, love each other so deeply and share everything with each other? And they live together until they die. This is something amazing, this is a miracle. Doesn't this amaze you?
I do not have a family and never will, but I am in awe of it, just as you are in awe when a person becomes a monk and devotes himself to God. That is, all this is marriage (both monasticism and secular marriage).
And one more thing. Someone said to me, “So when will we hear, “Isaiah, rejoice”?” That is, when will I get married? Well, how can you not hear this? And he heard it - this chant is sung at the ordination of deacon and priest. You will hear this only once when you get married, but the priest hears it twice: “ Isaiah, rejoice, You have a Virgin in your womb and give birth to a Son, Immanuel, God and Man, His name is East, His magnificence, We please the Virgin».
Look with reverence at this event that is coming. If you look at marriage this way before it has yet taken place - and for God it is as if it has taken place - then God, of course, will help you. I mean it.
Well, then, my brother and all who are concerned for their children in connection with these issues, then you will act differently if you look at it as a sacrament. The sacraments are associated with God, and not with your intellect, abilities, teaching skills, art and technology, your tricks, books in which you read how to work on yourself, how to behave, how to communicate with people - none of all this, but this is a mystery, and it is experienced in the Church, close to God.
Unfortunately, most young people today experience these wonderful things outside of God. This is our drama, the drama of modern people: families are destroyed without having time to create anything together.
So what should we do then? If the family is not functioning properly, then nothing good will come of it. A sick family, with problematic and frantic children who react to everything, resist, break, destroy, rebel, they don’t like anything in this life, and they burn cars.
Someone told me: “And they do it well!” I answered to myself: “Well, yes, of course, they do good work!” What do I mean? What else should they do? What else, when parents, the relationship between them, their experiences, love, child, pregnancy were not sealed by God's grace, and all this happened to them, like animals in nature? But the only difference is that cute animals are blessed by God because they follow their instincts as God created them. And you? Are you human? Are you also going to do whatever you want, whatever you like, whatever you like? No, you won't. The water you drink from the tap is not blessed. And you give it to the priest, he will bless it, and so it will become holy water. This is holy water - water blessed by the hand of a priest, by the hand of an unworthy priest, but only behind his hand does the Lord invisibly extend His hand and bless the water.
Every biological function of man needs this - to be sealed by Christ
Only in the Church do bread and wine become the Body and Blood of Christ, but at home they are just bread and wine, bread that becomes moldy, and you throw it to the pigeons or bury it in the garden. And in the Church, bread and wine are experienced as a Sacrament, they are transformed into the Body and Blood of Christ. Therefore, any biological and mental function of a person needs precisely this - to be sealed by Christ, to be planted in the Church, where it will be sanctified and become grace-filled.
Of course, here we are talking about your personal relationships, about the most sacred events of your life, the most important, i.e. about your profession, training and marriage. This is very important issues life, so you solve them in mature age. But only you want to solve these such important questions yourself and say:
“I’ll think it all over myself, I’ll decide it myself!” I think so, I think so, I decided so!
But, unfortunately, our criteria are purely worldly, human, biological, psychological, emotional, they are not Divine at all. They are not Divine at all, my child! Few people have the strength to put a limit on their instincts and passions and say not “what I like”, “what suits me”, but “Lord, I think so, but You, Lord, how do You look at this? Because I might be blinded." After all, when emotions and love are not leavened on the love of Christ, they are simply human, blind, blinded, and because of them you do not see clearly.
Yes, this impulse and lust are necessary to make a beginning, but intelligence is also needed to look at some things logically. Where can this happen? In the Church. How else will you get enlightenment? Myself? Without praying, without confessing, without receiving communion? That's why I gave it to one person practical advice:
– Read the akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos every day. Are you doing this?
- Yes, I don’t have time, I don’t think I have enough time for this.
– Okay, if you don’t have time, then don’t do it. And if you don’t have time to do this, then I understand that you’re not really bothered by your problem.
- How can it not hurt, father? I want to find her and start a family!
But if she was tormenting you, you wouldn’t want to let it slide. You also need to tense up a little. The Israelites walked through the Red Sea on dry ground because it was a miracle. And you need to sweat a little, do something, bring something. How? With your prayer, in which you show your strong desire. You will show it in prayer to the Most Holy Theotokos, to our Lord and say: “Most Holy Mother of God, grant me the love of Your Son and send a man who would love me and whom I would love, so that we can live the rest of our lives together and love the Lord God with our whole family.” , Your Son." And the Most Holy Theotokos will give it to you.
You say:
- Well, do I really have to do this every day?
Eh, yes, you’re not serious, you don’t look seriously at spiritual life, and you’re not tormented by what you’re looking for, because if it was, then not only once a day, you’d constantly read the akathist.
You say:
– If I knew exactly what it would be, then I would do it!
We don’t believe in the power of God, the power of prayer, that’s why we don’t pray, that’s why we don’t rely on prayer
Well, see? This is where yours lies big problem. Did you admit it? Now you have looked at the very root of the problem - you don’t believe it. We don’t believe in the power of God, the power of prayer, in the Lord, that’s why we don’t pray, that’s why we don’t rely on prayer. I’ll tell you something else: that’s why the Lord doesn’t listen to these unfaithful, cold, formal prayers. What does He say? “Leave it, leave it a little longer, let it “cook”, let it call out from the heart.”
The Lord is not torturing you, He wants you to mature. To mature means that you begin to take a serious look at your relationship with God and with people, so that you understand that these important issues cannot be resolved outside the Church. Because, unfortunately, after a divorce everyone runs to the Church. When your children go astray, you say:
- Father, save my child!
And when something happens at home:
– Father, take these names, remember them! Our family is falling apart!
But why? Are we really going to be picking up the pieces all the time? The light of Christ exists not to illuminate only fragments, but also whole diamonds, shining with heavenly light and God's beauty. The church is not just for failed, tormented, suffering spouses.
Those of you who have gone through danger, well done, for reaching out to the Church, for finding a way, even through pain and suffering. Bravo! You deserve praise. And who else is at the beginning - let the mistakes and failures of others make you think.
The truth is that it is impossible to survive these events without Christ and not soon feel the stench of decay, death and decay. It is difficult, I think it is impossible for the connection between people to grow stronger when there is no Christ - unless it is based on money, calculation, etc. But when a storm arises in relations between people, who will not exclaim: “My Lord, save me!”
Those who love Christ without compulsion, out of gratitude, out of love, because their heart is so set, are worthy of admiration. Blessed are those who, in the whirlpool of problems - at least then - turn to God and find their way.
I pray to God that you all find this path and meet the person of your life on it, and that you walk with him hand in hand, and not so that one is pulled here and the other there, but that you both are drawn to the East, i.e. e. For Christ! I always pray to God that you experience miracles in your life, both those that we talked about, and the greatest miracle - the feeling of God's presence and love in our hearts and our lives!
Consultations and predictions about when and with whom a relationship will develop, the possibility of having a child and viewing all prospects is a completely normal situation. But looking at such questions does not always reveal the underlying reasons for failures in the personal life of the person asking for help. But knowing the reasons for these failures can change your life. Therefore, if you really want to have a family and children, regardless of age and circumstances, know that a way out can always be found.
The main reasons for the problems of people who cannot start a family
The most important reason is, perhaps, the creation of an ideal image of a partner. Moreover, the person himself is not always aware of the discrepancy between his ideal and reality. Everyone wants someone who is handsome, smart, wealthy, caring and loves only you. That is, we are looking for an abstract person with a set of qualities and character traits that simply do not exist in reality and cannot in any way belong to just one person. The second reason that slows a person down on the path to successfully starting a family is our past. Once we have met a person and fallen in love with him, we no longer recognize anyone and are not looking for anything new, everyone else is just faded shadows passing by. The third reason is unfinished business, work and career. There is so much to do and achieve! And this, of course, also takes time. We are constantly busy resolving issues and satisfying our interests, earning money and purchasing things, cars, apartments, traveling and traveling. We chase recognition from our peers and the acquisition of power. Where will you find time for your personal life in this race? Another reason: we don’t love and value ourselves. Complexes and uncertainty, vulnerability and weak character... As a result, we find a bunch of reasons and program ourselves for failure, subconsciously completely rejecting the possibility of happy family happiness. And I often hear the following phrase from a person: “I want to have a family and children, help me.” I hear, but I don’t see, that in reality this is exactly what he wants. He is simply based on the concepts of society and the people around him, on what he sees around him married couples, he, it seems, also wants to be the same. But he has no real inner desire. There is such a thing in human nature; he gets used to freedom and lack of obligations, just going with the flow. Of course, these are not all the reasons for unsuccessful attempts to create a family: there are many other, individual factors. Such a reason could be, for example, an energetic imbalance, because of which men simply do not notice you as a woman in the full sense of the word, do not feel attracted to you - that is why they do not have the desire to create a family and live with you happy life. Or your energy may be completely exhausted when you spent all your energy on achieving career achievements or communicating with a large number people. There are also frequent cases when there is close energy vampire, which can also interfere with the successful organization of your personal life.Advice for those who still want to start a family and have children
The very first thing is to want it right“It’s right to want to have a family and children” - this may sound stupid, but: - You need to understand and realize your desire, regardless of the circumstances of your life, past experience and abandon all stereotypes; — you need to thoroughly analyze the situation, identify regular problems that arise in your relationships with the opposite sex; — understand why you need it and what you will get in the end. Having worked through all these points, you will be able to understand exactly what you want from a partner and relationship. This will be the first step to creating a full-fledged family. Second: remove obstacles In any relationship, the energy compatibility of people is very important. Many women, as well as men, cannot start a family simply because they do not understand what exactly they need. A person does not always understand and realize with whom he will feel good, therefore, paying attention only to the appearance he likes, he only finds disappointment. The compatibility of characters and life goals plays a big role here. Almost always at the beginning of a relationship people put on “masks”, and we cannot always see behind it real person. Well, or show yourself for real. And after some time, it’s already a shame to take off the “mask”: the fear of losing the person appears. But here you need to think about the fact that by revealing your true face, you will find exactly the person you need, who will love you and satisfy all your life needs. And among other things, he will want to build a family with you. Therefore, you must first of all become yourself, accept yourself, understand who you really are. Perhaps you consider yourself a gray mouse, but inside you there actually lives a vamp woman, and that is why your real potential has not yet been revealed. You limit your behavior and all your manifestations, developing habits that are unusual for you. The same applies to the reverse situation. You've probably noticed people who behave unnaturally and make you laugh from the outside. There is no need to be skeptical about them - they are simply confused in their desires and understanding of how to conquer others. So - find yourself, become yourself, this will change a lot, including your attitude towards the world and finding a partner. Next, we check our energy. It is very important for a woman to have feminine energy. Not everyone understands how it is possible to be a woman and not have the energy of femininity, and many do not even think about it at all. Based on my practice, I will say that I very rarely encounter real feminine energy in people who approach me. Often this is what becomes a problem for starting a family and having children. And most importantly: if you want to see an exceptional man next to you (as they say, with a capital M), you definitely need to become a real woman. You've probably encountered a situation: she's not beautiful, she's not smart, but how, how did such a man end up next to her, for whom I would give everything in this life? This is exactly how feminine energy works. Here energy practices can help you, which will restore your potential and make you more attractive to men. Third: it is possible to change your life now Look at your surroundings. If you are constantly surrounded by loners, regardless of how they came to this state, You just need to get out of this mass state, change your life and your concepts about it. Since these people are the ones who infect and program you for loneliness. And perhaps even this is beneficial to them to some extent, because thanks to loneliness a common circle of interests is created. And in the energetic sense, completely unaware of it, you are charged with the energy of imaginary freedom about these people.|
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