It is very important for a person with unprocessed trauma to remember: when dreams come true, it does not make things good. At least at first. At first it becomes very bad, much worse than it was before: very painful, very depressive and very angry (it happens that all this is at the same time), because all the pain and resentment begins to come out, which for many years accumulated inside when it was very cold, very lonely and very scary, and no one was there for support and support. Only after this wave from the past can complete its cycle - come out, reach a peak, and then exhaust itself - can the joy and pleasure of getting what you want begin to appear.
Nobody informs us about this in advance. In the movies they show us that when dreams come true, people jump with happiness and have a complete happy ending, so their own violent negative reaction to the fulfillment of a long-awaited dream confuses people and makes them doubt themselves, increases shame and the feeling of “something is wrong with me.” not so” “I’m too destroyed to be happy”, etc. Many people either have such experience, or they somehow subconsciously feel that nothing good will come from making their dreams come true, so for their part they do everything to prevent them from coming true. On the one hand, they strive with all their might to achieve their dreams, but on the other hand, they secretly put a spoke in their own wheels: they choose the wrong people, the wrong circumstances, the wrong behavior to make the dream come true.
But if it suddenly came true, and was a dream about a relationship of love, security, support and support, then it will never come to the partner, because this wave will pour out on him first. Not only because he is nearby, but also because it was his love that opened the wounds.
The partner, of course, must be a sensitive person and capable of empathy and support, but regularly dealing with voluminous and heavy material from someone else’s past is too much strain on the relationship. And especially the partner whom you met already in adult life and who is not related to people from your past should not be in a position where he is required to pay off debts made by other people. All this traumatic material must be taken to a specialist and dealt with in the company of a sensitive and experienced professional. Ordinary relationships cannot and should not bear this burden.
If the dream was a dream job or life in a certain place, then in addition to anger, apathy may also set in, accompanied by a sudden inner emptiness, and then a feeling of powerlessness: where to live now if even the most cherished dream does not please you?
However, all these are normal feelings for such a situation and in this context. And the best thing you can do for yourself is to take care of them in advance: get to a specialist and work them out, so that you can come to your dream lightly and in full readiness to enjoy it with every cell of your body.
Let me remind you that to work does not mean to dig out where the legs grow from and analyze, but to live and feel accompanied by an empathic, sensitive specialist trained not to be destroyed by the pain of others, who also has the skill of simply being nearby and psychologically holding a hand, lending a shoulder or sharing load when it is beyond his strength.
Each of us has dreams. Some have big ones, some have small ones, but regardless of this, they are all very important. And sometimes we don’t think about why their fulfillment occurs even when this very dream ceases to be such. But everything ingenious is simple: the more we desire (we become attached to what we want), the less we get.
The question really arises: what about visualization, the law of attraction and other techniques? The answer to this can be obtained from your own life experience. Surely, everyone at least once in his life noticed that as soon as he stopped in the race for what he wanted, as soon as he forgot about it, the old dream immediately came true, as if laughing at the unfortunate dreamer. So let's figure out why this happens. Why, when we stop dreaming, we achieve everything.
Why do dreams come true late?
First of all: no matter how trivial it may sound, nothing can be achieved by simply sitting on the couch and meditating. We need to act! Three hours of visualization will not replace one call to the employer. Methods of influencing the divine mind are effective only if a person moves forward, listens to his intuition and is not afraid to take steps towards realizing his dreams.
Secondly: the more attached you become to a dream, the more disappointed you will be later. The man had just finished finishing the book and was already imagining how he would wake up rich and famous in the morning, but the first publishing house did not accept the manuscript. What to do? Finalize your work and send it to all possible publishers. But I wanted everything at once! The dream did not come true, and the man abandoned his job, switching to something else. Disappointment “killed” all his opportunities for self-realization in literature.
Thirdly, dreaming is harmful because the more you wish, the more you fuss and take the wrong steps. This is reminiscent of getting ready before a vacation, when you sluggishly moved things from place to place for two weeks, knowing full well where everything was, and then three hours before departure you frantically start running around the apartment in search of a missing pair of socks.
Every dream takes time to come true! Don’t rush in vain, don’t grab on to thirty things at once, be consistent and logical. Spend 20 minutes a day visualizing and take action the rest of the time. Remember that your future depends on your steps. Take the initiative and go forward!
Each of us periodically dreams of something. But only a few know that dreams contain energy, and how we use it determines our future. Dreams can be useful for us and our lives, but besides this, they can lead a person to a dead end and drive him into depression. But, if you approach this matter correctly, dreams will definitely become useful and change your life. Let's look at why it's good to dream.
1. Dreams give birth to goals.
Whenever we dream of something, and if we do it productively, a goal is born in our mind. Goals are something without which it is impossible to be as successful as possible. If our dreams remain dreams, they do not bring the desired results. A goal is the point we want to get to, and we can only see it through dreams.
2. Dreams release energy.
When a person dreams about what he wants to achieve, the necessary energy is released into his life to move forward. A dream opens a source in us internal energy which helps you move forward and gives you strength to overcome difficulties. Thanks to the dream that burns in our heart, we open up our thinking, and energy helps make it more effective. Due to the energy that is released along with dreams, our brain can see thousands of options for exiting difficult situations on the way to achieving it.
3. Dreams develop creativity.
Daydreaming unleashes our creativity and engages the areas of the brain associated with imagination. Dreaming activates creativity and over time a person becomes more creative. Changes occur at the physiological level - the human brain is replenished a large number neural connections.
4. Dreams create movement.
Dreams help a person get off the couch and start doing something to achieve them. A person who dreams of nothing finds it difficult to take on any job. He doesn't want this. It all starts with a dream, because if you don’t want anything, then why do something. A dream helps you overcome laziness and do something every day to make it come true.
5. Dreams help in difficult moments.
If you have a dream, it will warm your heart on the way to your goal. No matter what difficulties you encounter, your dream will always support you with a bright light in the distance and give you strength to overcome difficulties and continue your path.
6. Dreams inspire.
The state of inspiration is difficult to describe and almost impossible to induce artificially. But a dream always fills a person with inspiration, inspires him and gives him lightness. Therefore, it is useful to dream! It is useful not only for you, but also for your business. Inspired people are capable of doing great things and creating masterpieces out of nothing.
7. Dreams make you fall in love with work!
Nobody canceled work! It is impossible to achieve your goal with just a dream! But the advantage is that a dream helps you fall in love not only with the result, but also with the process of achieving what you want. A dream gives rise to a love for daily work, because a person understands what reward awaits him the moment he does everything to realize it.
8. Dreams come true!
Here's another good reason to dream. Yes, even if not all our dreams become reality, but a person who refuses them will not have even that part of his dreams come true!
Dreaming is useful and it can change our lives. But it is worth remembering that dreams can also cause harm. In those cases when the dream remains only a figment of the imagination and becomes a daydream, the energy given to us along with it burns out. The result of such unproductive dreams is disappointment and loss of interest in activities.
A dream is a powerful development tool that you need to be able to use!
A dream gives energy, strength, inspiration, enthusiasm, will, desire, joy and crazy motivation!
That is why you need to know how to dream correctly, and what a real dream is.
The dream must light up!
First, let's look at what a Real dream is and what bad dreams are.
Good dreams are real dreams, with the help of which you expand the boundaries of ideas and patterns. You form them into paths of aspirations and goals. You transfer even the most unrealistic desire to clear, small goals to achieve it.
Bad dreams (“dummies”) are something that is imposed on you, you sincerely do not want it and it is of no use to you.
Such dreams remove you from reality and steal your time. Often, this can be seen by the fact that you let everything take its course, making a dream of your whole life out of a dream that can be accomplished within a certain period of time (even 10 years). You can say that you dream of a cool car, but if all you do to get this car is daydreaming before going to bed without any action or burning desire, then you are just wasting your time with your head in the clouds.
So, in essence, bad dreams are not dreams at all. And from the fact that lazy people who have their head in the clouds call everything their dream - hence the bad connotation of the word “dreamer” and the association with the fact that a person only wants and does nothing for it.
I hope you understood the difference between good and bad dreams? Then let’s move on to the detailed criteria for a good dream, because that’s what everyone needs!
If you are interested, I suggest you also read the article ““, in which I showed the influence of dreams on my life.
Criteria for a real dream
- She ignites, fans the flame of possibilities inside!
- She is incredibly motivating!
- An irresistible sincere desire to make your dream come true!
- You know what you want and why you need it!
And so we have already understood that if you just dream without acting, it is a waste of time. Well, okay, let's move on to recommendations for making your dreams come true, because you probably want to know how to get to what you want without wasting precious time.
I would like to strongly emphasize that realizing what your real dream is is another step towards understanding yourself. And by understanding and getting to know yourself more and more, you will find your own path in life and receive maximum self-realization. So, not only read, but also perform on yourself the actions that I give you, and you will feel the full effect of having a real dream!
In general, a dream is a huge, global goal that is super energizing, so the recommendations are a little similar to goal setting, but there is still a significant difference.
1. Immerse yourself in a dream
Imagine what it will look like what you dream about. Try to work out all the little things (the rocking chair exercise will help you with this). It will also be very important that you honestly answer the question why you need what you dream about - if you cannot find an honest answer for yourself that will completely cover this question, then you should think about the fact that this is not your real dream, but a “want” imposed on you from the outside.
For example: I want to be free, to live in joy (this is a more general definition, everyone includes their own concepts in it). That is, you just need to somehow describe your dream in general terms.
2. Specifics
Now that you have visualized your dream in detail, you need to formulate it more specifically. The more specific and measurable you formulate it, the more confident you will be in your dream and will be able to break it down into an action plan to achieve it.
We write point by point what you mean by the wording from the first paragraph. 
For example, my understanding of “freedom” includes:
- financial independence;
- live where I want (no attachment to place);
- do what you want and when you want. In the understanding of “living in joy”:
- environment, relationships;
- doing what you love, self-realization;
- travel, vacation.
3. Action plan
We have specific components of our dream, and we can break them down into specific actions, upon achieving which we will move closer to our dream. 
Financial independence– creation of active and passive sources of income, control of personal finances by maintaining a personal balance (accounting for income and expenses), increasing financial literacy.
No attachment to place: work via the Internet, freelancing, creating sources of income on the Internet, + financial independence.
Do what you want, when you want- gives financial independence.
Environment, relationships– creating a good, pleasant and motivating environment for people, strengthening and growing personal relationships.
Doing what you love, self-realization, development of favorite things, search for new activities that captivate me.
Travel, vacation– remote work, freelancing and sources of income on the Internet provide + – independence.
Thus, having analyzed the decomposed components, I see that some actions are causes, and others are their consequences.
I see that my optimal path to my dream is to do what I love, combining work on the Internet and building sources of income that will lead to financial independence. It’s also about working on yourself + learning (skills for working on the Internet + financial literacy).
Now, you can set approximate deadlines for achieving the nearest points of the plan, more general ones and the whole dream.
I would also like to note that, unlike setting goals, here we indicate approximate deadlines for completion. This is very important because... not setting deadlines at all means eternal delay and uncertainty, and accurate forecasting can be quite demotivating due to the fact that you may not meet strict deadlines.
Bottom line
Congratulations! You have taken a step towards understanding yourself, and now you know how to make your dream come true! And setting your goals correctly in relation to your plan will help you turn your plan into reality!
P.S: Write in the comments your dreams and what your action plan is, as well as your questions if something is not clear!
There are dreams that inspire, and there are harmful and dangerous ones - “the desires of a beggar.” Such thoughts are part of the psychology of the poor; they will never allow a person to get out of the poverty and devastation that surrounds him. These are bad dreams. What is it that is not just harmful to dream about, it is STRICTLY PROHIBITED, if you don’t want to remain in a complete ass?
1. Emelya’s dream on the stove
“One day I will get a lot of money and I will never work again!” - this is the sad dream of many people who have not yet found a business to their liking. In their minds, an ideal day is one in which they don’t have to stress for a minute. They picture in their imagination something like a dancing millionaire’s yacht, and believe that spending all the remaining minutes of their life this way is the best path to happiness. Such people secretly sigh about weekends, vacations or pensions, missing out in these dreams best years life. They don’t know any other joy – the joy of creating.
When you find “your” business, you don’t need weekends, vacations, or a pension. 30 years on a solar yacht will seem like hell to you. Your business moves you so much that you cannot resist it. It is this, and not the nasty alarm clock, that gets you up in the morning for battle. It is it, and not the evil boss, that gives you instructions. It gives you strength and confidence, as opposed to dull passivity, which only leads to depression.
2. Dream of a wizard on a blue helicopter
Such dreams are very common for women. This dream looks something like this: a certain “ a real man“, and I will never have to decide anything on my own again. He will do everything for me, tell me how to live, show me the right path and provide for everything. Such a dream literally paralyzes all female activity, directing it, at best, to “cleaning feathers,” and at worst, to a long and pointless wait for a prince.
The worst thing is that if such a wizard is found, then, as a rule, he turns out to be a cruel and jealous sadist, and not at all a kind daddy. However, the endless moaning about the ideal man who “will decide everything himself” seems to never stop. And what? Society approves!
3. Dream of a “big city”
Some people sincerely believe that they were simply born in the “wrong place.” They dream of being transported to some reality in which they succeed in everything, and without any effort at all. This is a common mistake of “wreckers” of all stripes who expect miracles from new locations. However, poverty and problems overtake them both in Moscow and Paris, and not just in the remote provinces.
Life is not getting better, but worse - after all, no one intends to make you happy at their own expense. Because changing your place of residence only opens up new opportunities, and does not eliminate the need to make an effort on yourself.
4. Dream of a “goldfish”
This dream is several thousand years old; in different variations, it can be found in fairy tales and legends. Like, you just have to find a magic fish, a lamp or a jug, and life itself will present everything to you on a silver platter. Nowadays, in place of a fish, most often there is a winning in the lottery, the discovery of a treasure, or some other similar method It's easy to raise money.
Unfortunately, miracles don't happen. The goldfish has not yet been born in nature, the treasures have been dug up, and scammers often take advantage of the naivety of dreaming citizens. But even if goldfish and existed, then it would only work to harm. Money that a person has not earned destroys his life. Remember what happened to the winners of various lotteries? That's the same!
5. Dream of a Just King
The worst thing is the dream of some ideal ruler who will personally correct all the mistakes in your life, seal the windows, wash the cat and wash your panties. When the state does not behave in this way, a person gets offended “under Stalin-Brezhnev-Andropov” this did not happen! All this is because of you, unjust, disgusting King, because of you I am poor and unhappy. When everything gets better and starts working, then I’ll earn money, but for now I’ll lie on the stove...
“The cat abandoned the kittens - it’s someone’s fault!” - say people who are too lazy to lift a finger for themselves. And they dream, dream, dream about some kind of tough and fair hand. The worst thing is that it is thanks to such dreamers that the most cruel tyrants come to power.
Do you know any other examples of harmful, destructive human dreams?
