Irritation occurs when we encounter something that puts pressure on our sensitive areas. And we begin to react, often too sharply and painfully. Irritation turns into an outburst of anger and can escalate into a huge scandal.
To prevent this from happening, people are often advised to control their discontent. This is not a completely correct strategy. If you carry negativity within yourself for a long time, it will slowly begin to poison you from the inside. The best way get rid of an unpleasant feeling - try to understand it and express it correctly.
Focus on needs
Irritation is very telling. It communicates the needs that at the moment not satisfied. For example, you are driving home from work. Rush hour, traffic jams, confined space of a subway or bus, crowding, someone's awkward movement... All this infuriates you. What does irritation mean? That you are tired. Your needs for safety and comfort are not met. You need rest, peace and quiet.
Or another example. Again, the husband and children throw things around and leave dirty dishes in the sink. You get irritated, angry, yell at them. At this moment, look deep into your emotions, and they will tell you what you are missing: perhaps warmer emotional contact with your family, the confidence that you are heard, valued, respected.
Understanding yourself
It also happens that the matter is not only about unfulfilled needs. Unpleasant emotional reactions are caused by people who are very different from you. In the case of a child, for example, even a simple dissimilarity in temperament can be annoying: you are an active and fast adult, he is a slow, cautious kid. Even your child’s lack of difficulties that you had at his age can be annoying: “I had to earn every new thing and beg my parents for it, but he has a lot of things and he doesn’t appreciate it.”
If we forbid ourselves something - for example, openly expressing feelings in public, then those who allow themselves to do this will inevitably cause negative emotions. If you can see in the behavior of others what you would never allow yourself, it will be easier for you to accept that everyone is different and calmly move on on your own path.
How to deal with it
There is no need to fight irritation. First you need to understand what it is signaling and try to satisfy your needs. Then the negativity will go away by itself.
At the same time, any negative emotion must find a way out. Describe the feelings that arise (“I’m very angry right now, I’m just indignant, I’m about to explode”). It’s useful to talk about your own physical sensations: “everything inside is clenched, there are goosebumps all over your body, your hands are clenched into fists, your lips are trembling”... While you are choosing expressions, you will already begin to calm down.
And keep in mind that you need to show your dissatisfaction not only constructively, but also on time. Unexpressed irritation will inevitably grow. Therefore, do not accumulate negative emotions. Say what doesn’t suit you, and be sure to offer your solutions, otherwise any “trifle” will become the impetus for a big explosion.
Every person in different times experiences conflicting emotional states.
A white stripe gives way to a black one, today you are a charm, and tomorrow everything inside screams: “everything pisses me off.”
Man is a delicate organization, and it is not difficult to unbalance him. Especially if it's a woman. And men are no exception.
And what should you do if you notice that a state of mind sets in when everything infuriates you: the weather outside, pigeons leaving marks on the windowsill, calls from friends, the silence of the phone.
And then you are already infuriated by the very fact that everything around you is annoying. This condition causes fatigue very quickly.
So, what to do in this case and how to deal with irritation? Let's deal with the problem in order.
Where to start?
Everyone tries to somehow justify themselves: “they got me,” “it was passed on from my father,” “I’m just very sensitive.”
But, despite the explanations, the person himself is exhausted by a state where everything infuriates him. In addition, his irritability spoils relationships with others.
The problem is that partners, work, friends, place of residence may change, but the person remains with his own character. And when, regardless of the situation in life, irritation remains, it’s time to do something.
If you are “lost” and don’t know what to do, try to take the first step. Accept your condition as a fact.
When a person calms down, he can see the whole real picture. The second step is to admit that you need the help of an understanding person.
What is the cause of irritation?
It is important to understand that any irritation has a reason. Sometimes it is enough to understand the root of the problem, and half the battle is done. Here are some reasons for irritation:
1. The answer to the question “why does everything piss me off” may be on the surface. This is character. Maybe it was passed on through heredity, or maybe it was formed during life.
In any case, this type of personality, who is infuriated by everything and irritated by everyone, is a negative character in society. Everyone feels uncomfortable around him; they try to avoid his company. If you don't have many friends nearby, you might want to wonder if I'm that kind of person.
2. Perhaps you are a perfectionist, painfully experiencing any discrepancy with the ideal picture of the world. This category of people is characterized by eternal discontent and is difficult to please.
Their favorite expression: “If it were different, I would be pleased.” But for him such an ideal situation does not exist a priori. If you are such an idealist, it is better to go beyond your idea of the ideal.
Life is much wider and more varied with all its pros and cons. Accept her as such.
3. Another option is when the external situation is annoying. Perhaps right now circumstances are developing that will knock even the most self-possessed and balanced person out of the saddle.
Take care of yourself
Thanks to external stimuli, a person can reach neurosis. Neurosis is a state when everything infuriates:
- To any request you respond - “leave me alone!”
- The list of people and events who irritate is growing, seemingly without any reason.
Frequent neuroses are observed in residents of large cities if they spend week after week in the active bustle of the city without rest. Way out of something like this nervous tension obvious: drop everything and give yourself a rest.
The ideal option is to go out of town or on a trip for another week!
So, the main causes of irritability are divided into internal and external. Therefore, there are different ways to protect against it. The main thing is to understand the reason.
Freedom is near
It is obvious that it is easier and faster to deal with external factors than with one’s own character, since character is the established qualities of a person that influence his lifestyle and behavior.
But this can be done provided that you are already tired of your anger and frequent conflicts on this basis.
Exhausted? Do you understand that I am an irritable and conflict-ridden person? This means that freedom from oneself is close. The main thing is to make a decision: “I can do it, I will change my life.”
It's useful to start with a practical task: analyze and write a list under the heading “This pisses me off.” People, things, situations, everything that irritates should lie before your eyes.
Irritation will not go away if you do not understand its cause. You need to know your “enemy” face to face, personally. Until the character is changed, if possible, situations or people that cause a negative reaction should be avoided.
If possible. For example, it is better to refrain from a company where a person who is an irritant comes.
You can do it!
You may say: “What should I do when I find myself in a situation beyond my control, but which infuriates me?” This is where you have to exercise the “muscles” of self-control and self-control.
You can try to abstract yourself from a circumstance or an unwanted person. Or use a regular count to calm down and bring your condition into a more stable state.
It would be very correct to train your character using the simple word “stop” within yourself. Stop your irritation, your rising emotional outburst.
After this, you need to calmly exhale and “move the needle” of thoughts to another topic, more comfortable and pleasant. This is daily work on the new habit of giving up irritation.
It would not be amiss at such a moment to think about possible consequences surging anger for further communication with the person. This will sober you up and help you calm down.
A person who knows how to manage his emotions is a very strong personality worthy of respect. You have something to achieve! One day you will be proud of yourself.
I criticize others, I do the same
It’s hard to believe, but psychologists have proven that what we cannot tolerate in others, we have ourselves. We may even argue or reject this idea: “I am not crazy to do what infuriates others. It’s wrong, that’s why I don’t like it.”
The human soul is very contradictory. It is worth carefully observing your inner world, reactions and behavior, and the study will show that psychology is right.
What irritates others is at the subconscious level in your nature. Fact!
It's like you're looking into a distorted mirror. There is something we don’t like about ourselves, which is why it is this trait that is so conspicuous and annoying in other people. Although we may not even consciously think about it.
Other people's shortcomings that infuriate us so much only demonstrate to us the opportunity to change this in ourselves! If I see it in someone else, I have it.
Live by your priorities
It is worth saying that there are two more important reasons for our irritation:
- Circumstances or people interfere with the plan you have in mind, when the environment does not allow you to do what you want.
- Others expect from you what you cannot do or simply do not want.
Let's look at this reason philosophically. You were created as a unique, inimitable person, which gives you the right to live the way you want. Based on personal values, desires, abilities.
But, on the other hand, the people nearby are also individual. With your intentions and plans, which may contradict yours.
No one is obliged to live according to your expectations, and you are free to make your choice. Each person's boundaries must be clearly defined. The ability to freely say the word “no”, and also calmly hear it in response, will relieve unnecessary irritation.
Almost anything is possible for a person if he wants. Irritability can be overcome step by step. Rejoice in small achievements and you will come to big ones. If you are still irritated, but have already learned to “add sugar” to your intonation, this is an achievement. Victory is just around the corner!
Author: Daria Kiseleva
Contents of the article
Who is to blame and what to do if everything infuriates and irritates you? It's time to find out the reason for such irritability and restore your good mood.
When you're under 18
Irritability and touchiness of teenagers are the talk of the town.
Hormonal changes, problems of self-identification and finding one’s place in society, terabytes of information and pressure from parents and teachers - it is not surprising that teenagers are indignant, scream, and defiantly do not fulfill requests.
Scolding and disapproval will not achieve calm, meaningful actions from a rebel. It is more logical to take the child to a psychologist who will help him understand himself.
“WORD TREATMENT” WORKS WELL TOGETHER WITH SEDENTS AND SPORTS.
Adult problems
Sky-high degreeirritabilityin adults, this is the norm today.
Yelling at a passerby who accidentally crushed your leg is practically the only option for resolving the conflict, although such a reaction to an unintentional action is overestimated and inadequate.
The root causes of explosive behavior fall into two categories:
- Psychological;
- Physiological.
Psychological causes of irritation
Psychological factors in the occurrence of temper are conventionally divided into:
- Temporary
Exhausting work feeling of fear and anxiety for loved ones, life losses increase the level stress. That's why we get angry, swear, and see the world in black.
In mentally healthy and stable people, this condition disappears within two weeks.It is enough to rest fully and drink effective sedatives that will not cause addiction.
- Clinical
Perhaps anger is a symptom of neurosis, depression, nervous breakdown, post-traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia.
Physiological causes of irritation
What to do if everything infuriates and irritates you, although there are no objective psychological justifications for this?
See a therapist. He will prescribe tests and refer you to a specialized doctor. Probably, high irritability is a consequence of a malfunction in the body.
She often accompanies:
What to do if everything infuriates and irritates you
If the irritability is clinical or physiological, then even first-class sedatives will be powerless - special treatment is needed.
In the event that irritation erupts due to temporary problems, the “three C rule” will help out:
- Sleep "full"
Chronic lack of sleep rocks the boat of your peace of mind, so try fall asleep even if you can't sleep.
- Sex regularly
Trains the cardiovascular system, muscles and lungs, helps produce “joy hormones”, strengthens family relationships.
- Sedatives without withdrawal symptoms
The course of sedatives lasts from 2-3 weeks. Choose a remedy that will not cause withdrawal symptoms upon completion of use, otherwise nervousness will return and lead to
Buy the simplest bracelet, preferably purple, put it on your wrist and give up the bad habit for exactly 21 days. Why three weeks? Because this is how long a new habit is formed (this information will be useful for those who decide to go to the gym, not eat after 6 pm, and not use obscene language). If you lost your temper and two weeks later you gossiped, criticized, and judged your neighbor again, put the bracelet on your other hand and start a new countdown. When you last 21 days, you can be sure that the habit has stuck - give the bracelet to a friend or hang it in a visible place as a reminder (so that you won’t get into the habit again). The bracelet, of course, can be red or yellow, but purple is still better. This color calms the nervous system and awakens the subconscious.
My child has become emo or goth, what should I do?
Our kids sometimes do things that make our hair stand on end. Even if the daughter suddenly dyed her hair blue, and your son shaved his eyebrows and put an earring in them, remain calm. Scold or laugh at appearance a teenager is not allowed. Most likely he did this because he lacks your attention or the approval of his peers. It is also impossible to ignore changes in a child’s appearance - he may decide that you are indifferent to him and his whole life. Ask if he is comfortable, if he likes it, why exactly. You shouldn’t humiliate a child with the phrases: “When you grow up, you’ll get smarter... I wish I could!” It’s better to tell us that at his age you were very different from your peers, went to school barefoot, dyed your bangs orange and climbed the fire escape to the disco. The child will be pleased that you have more in common than he thought. Or (in order not to lie) say that during your school years you admired a girl from a parallel class who allowed herself something similar and even cooler. The important message here is: “I’m not a prude and your experiments are as old as time.” You can get yourself a tattoo or piercing out of solidarity. But don't overdo it. You are still a parent and should vaccinate to your own child taste.
Anger is a terrible force!
My friend is being yelled at by her boss. More precisely, he yells at all the employees, but this doesn’t make it any easier for his friend. Not once in five years of working in the company has she heard from the boss not only gratitude, but at least a neutral “Thank you, okay.” And he pays so much that it’s impossible to leave him to hell... So what to do when life confronts you with an angry person? If it is not possible to break off relations with him (unprofitable!), then act, for example, like this: imagine how he decreases in height, how his cry becomes quieter and quieter until it turns into a funny wheeze. Imagine for a long time - enjoy the process! While the person who frightens you shrinks, you will feel a surge of strength. Let it shrink so much that it turns into dirt! Step on it, jump to your heart's content...
If you are angry, that is wonderful ways relieve irritation. For example, imagine anger as a beam of energy that passed through you and went into the ground. Or this: relax and “bring out” your anger on the screen - like in a movie. It can take any shape you like. Mentally load the cannon and fire at the image. With each hit, the irritation will weaken. If you are faced with an aggressive person, mentally erect a barrier between you and him - from a mirror, metal, fire - whatever.
Another friend of mine partially broke off communication with her mother (this took her a year of therapy with a psychotherapist), because after contact with her she lost strength. My friend’s mother is a domineering, tough and overly pessimistic woman - she looks disapprovingly at literally everyone and everything. The girl struggled with it for many years, but in the end she realized: in order to maintain strength, you just need to reduce contact. Now she communicates with her mother on the phone (three to five minutes a day) and passes on groceries through her son. Oddly enough, this suited my mother too: her daughter clearly infuriated her. Conclusion: think bigger. Not everything you did yesterday is right for you today.
Everything infuriates and irritates - many people fall into this state, not realizing the reasons for their own uncontrollable anger. Literally everything can be annoying, and it’s not at all clear how to get rid of anger and find peace.
Aggression, anger and hatred surround many of us. In modern society, increased irritability is considered to be the norm in the rhythm of our lives, in the age of technology and information. But the reasons for your anger should not be explained only by the circumstances of your life. As you know, we ourselves are the creators of our own happiness and our own misfortunes too. So if the situation "I'm always angry" describes your emotional state, then you should definitely understand its reasons.
If a person is irritated by literally everything and everyone around him: people, society, specific close relatives, the state, husband/wife, his own and other people’s children, the weather, someone’s behavior, etc. - of course, the point here is not only in the personal characteristics of the person himself or only in the surrounding external factors. Irritation, hatred and anger arise not simply because someone does not live up to your expectations, behaves in a particularly “wrong” way, which causes your irritation, does not correspond to your ideals, ideas about what is beautiful, right and proper.
Noticed a long time ago interesting fact: in people we are often irritated by precisely those traits, properties and characteristics that we have in ourselves. It would seem that this is stupidity - since I am constantly angry, hate society, certain or all people in a row - it is only because I know how to live and behave correctly, and everyone around me denies my ideals and principles! But nevertheless, the fact remains - if you hate something, despise something, or feel irritated with someone, then you need to first of all deal with the internal subconscious reasons that force you to experience such negative emotions.
Causes of personal aggression and anger
If you are interested in why something or someone irritates you: the people around you, their behavior, or any environmental factors, you should admit that it is in you. Are you annoyed by someone's way of speaking, dressing, life position, success, status? Observe yourself and how these traits manifest themselves in you. How much do you allow yourself to behave this way?
Moreover, you can either deny the traits and factors that irritate you in yourself, scold yourself for their presence, or simply not notice that you sometimes behave in exactly the same way. Why do people annoy you? Partly because you turn them primarily on your own shortcomings, as if you are angry at your reflection in the mirror. Even if you diligently deny it and consider yourself “better” and “more correct” than the one on whom you take out your anger and irritation.
In addition to the fact that you may deny something about yourself that causes you irritation, such negative emotions can arise if
- you want to have something, but for some reason you don’t allow it (due to your limiting beliefs and attitudes); you are subconsciously attracted to what others have; and the dissonance “I want-I have” provokes aggression, envy: they could do it, but I couldn’t;
- in others, you may be irritated by your own shortcomings, which you are especially careful to combat;
- a huge number of your ideas about what is right and wrong, good and bad, worthy or despicable - force you to pay attention to the bad and get angry from the presence in your own environment, in your opinion, of everything “imperfect” and “wrong”.
What to do if everything annoys you
In any case, if you are annoyed by people, their character traits, achievements, or even their appearance, you should not rush to shift the blame onto them for changing your own mood. The outer world is a reflection of the inner world, beliefs, beliefs of a person. Your anger, hatred and resentment do not arise from empty space and other people are in no way the cause of their occurrence. The reason is hidden within a person.
There is a common expression that perfectly describes this situation: " in someone else's eye he sees a straw, but in his own he does not notice a log". could not be more precisely said about people who are always irritated, grumpy and indignant at everyone and everything, who are constantly infuriated and irritated by everything. Their anger is directed at others, when it is worth thinking about your own views on life and changing something in them.
Often, someone who condemns rich people and becomes furious when talking about how “everyone steals from us” most likely secretly dreams of becoming such a person and will accumulate wealth in exactly the same way if he is given such an opportunity. Some people are annoyed by bosses, barefoot people, and almost everyone dreams of becoming a boss and it is not known how he would behave in a higher position. Often people are annoyed by extraordinary and unusual people, perhaps because we are all used to keeping ourselves within the rules and do not dare to go beyond them, but for some it is as easy as breathing.
How to find peace
To cope with aggression and get rid of your own anger, you need to recognize that you yourself are its inexhaustible source. You are responsible for the occurrence of such negative emotions. The more you deny something in yourself, suppress emotions, try to comply with external rules while internally protesting, the more the outside world will show you what you don’t like. Fighting, resisting, hating and getting angry even more is not a solution, but a dead end, which will only make the situation worse and can negatively affect your health. After all, aggression, anger and hatred are very strong negative emotions that accumulate in your body and poison it.
The normal state for an internally free person is an even perception of the surrounding reality without outbursts of negativity and anger. When a person decides to deal with his own limiting beliefs and release the aggression seething inside him, he first of all learns a lot about himself and stops blaming other people and external circumstances for his own troubles. Even if a person discovers something that caused irritation in himself, he gradually learns to accept himself, and then the people around him, calmly and evenly, without outbursts of anger. reconsiders his views, his once unbreakable convictions.
Calmness, harmony - come from within, as does freedom, which no external benefits can give until a person establishes his own inner world, deals with his negative views on life, and learns to always take full responsibility for his own life, without discounts to circumstances and other reasons and excuses. Turbo gopher system may be useful for those who decide to implement just such important step in your life, learn how to find peace and get rid of aggression. A book with a description of the system will introduce you in more detail to what to expect and what not to expect during development. Download it possible from this site.
The information in this article is the result personal experience its author, all articles are written based on their own results of using the system and are not intended to convince anyone of anything.
This site is a personal initiative of its author and has no relation to the author of the Turbo-Suslik technique, Dmitry Leushkin.
