How to get a guy to like you on the first date? Any girl can confidently answer this question, but when it comes to practice, especially if you feel sympathy for a man, something strange begins to happen. You don’t know what dress to wear, what makeup to choose, what to talk about and more. That’s just how women are, they always worry before an important event, especially when they want to make an effect.

At the first meeting, it is important to intrigue, but not shock. After all, whether there will be a second date and further relationships depends on how the conversation goes. Many women and inexperienced girls make the mistake of starting to show themselves as something they really are not. Having misled the guy, unpleasant situations subsequently arise - he is unlikely to like the deception. It’s better to be real and consistent, in which case both will remember the date.

Choosing a meeting place

Of course, the man should invite you on a date, but if the proposed place is located in an unfamiliar area or is far from home, you can offer to meet on “your territory.” It is important to choose a quiet, cozy place that is familiar to you, because in such conditions it will be much safer, after all, the man is still a stranger. Also, familiar streets and houses will create a feeling of calm, which means that communication will be much easier.

You can be the first to ask a man out on a date, there is nothing shameful in that. Brave girls People take the solution to many problems and tasks into their own hands, why not take the first step yourself? In this case, the choice of place falls even more heavily on fragile shoulders, and it is better to meet in your favorite cafe, restaurant or park.

How to look

The first date with a man obliges the girl to make a good impression - he must see in front of him a charming person with whom it is interesting to talk. At the same time appearance should also bring pleasure without alienating the guy. The impression you get depends on the outfit. young man. The chosen wardrobe should be comfortable and appropriate. Shoes on high heels It’s better not to wear it - firstly, it’s not comfortable, and secondly, a girl in this form may turn out to be taller than a guy, giving him a certain complex.

Under no circumstances should you dress vulgarly, wear too much makeup, or overdo it. eau de toilette- on a date with a guy, both should feel comfortable. In addition, a girl in this form is unlikely to interest a young man. At the same time, well-groomed appearance should be visible from the tips of the hair to the nails - hairstyle, natural makeup, classic manicure and a moderate outfit will definitely make an impression.

Behavior

Regardless of whether you are dating a married man or a single guy, you should behave as naturally as possible. The opposite sex is attracted to girls who can easily carry on a conversation, do not overdo it with their upbringing manners, and are not mired in complexes and embarrassment. Questions should be answered easily and naturally, but you shouldn’t talk too much or go into unnecessary details, otherwise the guy will think that a talker or a bore is sitting in front of him.

How to behave correctly with a man on a date? Smile more often, but only sincerely - real positive emotions involve have a nice conversation and the emergence of mutual feelings. If he is telling a sad, tragic or serious story, support him with facial expressions. Looking at one point without expressing emotion, he is unlikely to understand that the girl really empathizes with him. However, there is no need to grimace either, everything should be in moderation.

What to talk about?

How to please a man on the first date? Learn to listen to him - the male sex loves when attention is paid to their speeches. When asking questions, give him the opportunity to fully express his thoughts. If you interrupt, you will get the feeling that you are not interested in what he is saying.

What to talk about at the first meeting? What topics can be off-putting, and what should you definitely find out about a person who might propose marriage in the future? You need to ask relevant questions and be consistent. You can ask about:

• Hobbies - let him tell you what he does in his free time from work or study.
• Achievements - suddenly, he achieved some heights in the area that he managed to talk about. Let him brag, men love to do this too.
• Vacations - find out whether he likes to travel to other cities and countries or whether he spends his vacations in his hometown. Does he visit entertainment venues, what interesting things did he see while traveling or playing? Is it possible to travel in the near future?
• Future - no need to ask how many children he wants. Let him talk about what he plans to achieve.

It’s better to talk to a man casually; if he feels comfortable, he’ll tell you more. Don't turn a date into an interrogation, especially finding out how much he gets paid. He may turn out to be a wealthy guy, or maybe he took out a loan for a date. It’s better to let him calmly talk about himself so that, based on the information received, he can later compare what he said. If he is a deceiver, then inaccuracies and discrepancies will slip into the conversation.

You shouldn't discuss his family with a married man - that's not why he came on a date. Also, don’t complain and compare him with your ex, guys don’t like that either.

First meeting rules

How to interest a man so that he wants to meet again and organize unforgettable evening? The rules of 1 date that must be followed will help you achieve your goal:

• Excessive efforts in trying to make a positive impression are unnecessary, otherwise he will notice the game and unnaturalness, which will immediately push him away.
• At the first meeting, we ask questions, try to get him to talk, giving him an advantage in the conversation. At the same time, you cannot sit silently or simply giggle at what you hear.
• Even if you see that a guy likes you, restrain yourself in reciprocity. There must be a mystery left so that he is tormented in thought. For this reason, there is no need to tell everything about yourself, otherwise he will have nothing to unravel.
• Keep the conversation light, ask questions that will help you understand the person. In this case, there is no need to arrange a question-answer game.
• Praise him by expressing a positive opinion about the chosen establishment where the date is taking place. Just sing his praises, wanting to please him, you should be careful. Otherwise, he will become arrogant or suspect pretense.
• You won’t be able to attract someone with revealing outfits, except for a short-term relationship. It is better to impress with spiritual qualities and moderate manners.
• If you really liked the young man, or the meeting was with a married man, you can take further initiative into your own hands. But there is no need to impose yourself - if he is not interested, telephone terror will only worsen the situation.

How to end a date

It’s not enough to have a perfect meeting; it’s also important to end it with dignity in order to receive invitations to further dates. The girl must do this, and without waiting until too late. As soon as the young man spends, it is important to thank him, expressing how interesting it is, but how quickly time has flown by. There is no need to ask when you will see each other again - if a man wants, he will invite himself.

Sometimes a guy shows with all his appearance that the meeting went well, but then doesn’t call. The times when girls with their heads held high awaiting the call, while suffering and crying in despair, are gone. You can call yourself and ask how he is doing. After all, you met, communicate, which means you are friends. Ask how your friend is doing? Just don’t ask about a date, if he is silent, it means he didn’t like you or is having temporary difficulties.

Common Mistakes

What not to do on a first date:

• Deliberately deceive and be a hypocrite - the girl you like will then be ashamed that she went to meet a guy for greedy or other reasons.
• Talking about a serious relationship and the prospect of starting a family - a man will immediately feel that they are trying to saddle him with responsibilities. This will scare him away, because first he must get to know the woman better in order to want to create a social unit with her.
• Dressing and behaving vulgarly means he will think that his companion is a frivolous and approachable person.
• Boasting about the number of suitors - even if the girl really arouses the guys' interest, you shouldn't be proud of it.
• Hiding his gaze - the guy will think that his companion is not interested in talking to him, and she does not know how to end the meeting.

Is it possible to interest a young man at the first meeting? How! Be natural, don’t abuse alcohol, greedily consume the ordered food, show off bad habits. Be restrained in everything, and he will definitely appreciate the time spent with you, and after one day, and sometimes an hour, he will understand that he wants to see you again.

The rules for first dates with a married man are similar - by following them, no one guarantees a quick wedding. However, you will be protected from most mistakes, which means you will be able to make a good impression.

It often happens that girls post slim photos of themselves on social networks from three years ago, and then are afraid to appear in front of the person they met on the Internet.
So if you are already getting acquainted, show yourself as you are, otherwise you will then worry about what to do and how to show yourself.
But what to do if you showed your real photos, but are still embarrassed to go to the meeting?!
Well, I would suggest working with psychologist over self-confidence, but for now let’s read what other girls would advise in such a situation. So, the situation itself and comments on it.

Girls, help me with advice. I met a guy on the Internet, we communicate on the phone, on social networks, I saw my photos, I saw him. I like it very much. Me too (according to him). He wants to meet, but I’m afraid because I’m fat. Everyone says that it suits me, and I know that I have a beautiful appearance, but because I’m overweight, I’m terribly complex. Although the photo shows that I’m far from skinny, and he says that he likes my curves, but I’m still afraid. What to do?
I’ll say right away: I’m not a virgin, I’ve had boyfriends and a lot of male attention! Losing weight first and then dating is also not an option! And maybe a little less bile, you girls! Oh, and also, I go to the gym, so leave the advice like take care of yourself.

To be afraid of being fat is to not have a man. Go boldly! A lot of guys like fat girls.

The guy is also “curvy”?

What do you think people can love about herrings alone? In reality, many guys like fat asses and get high on cellulite buns.

Well, since he likes it, why be afraid? Meet me!

So what's the problem? Go to the meeting, especially since he saw you in the photo! Don't be afraid!

To be honest, I don't see a problem. If he said that he likes everything, including not only your face, but also your figure, and still wants to meet, then why be afraid?

You are a sweet girl, there is nothing to be afraid of.

Oh my God! May you live happily in any form! A smart man will not offend you for extra pounds, and you don’t need someone who’s not smart! Be natural in your behavior and everything will work out! The sexuality of a woman is in her behavior, look, energy!

Don't be stupid! Of course we need to meet! Even if things don’t work out for you, you will be open to other relationships!

Well, since you’ve seen the photos, then why be afraid?

Cool girl! Don't be afraid! Less self-criticism and go ahead!

Lace up your shirt and go on a date! Don't piss! Take a simpler look at everything! Forget about your complexes. Let him accept you as you are. If you don't like it, screw it! Whether you lose weight or not, you decide, not the stereotypes imposed on society.

The same problems, as a result, we have been living with a guy for a long time, whom we also met, and it’s already time for marriage. And before that, I dated calmly, and the relationship was fine. Guys really like beautiful plump girls!

Well, I saw the photos! Go! Then you will tell me what and how.

Lose weight quickly in two weeks, lose as much as possible. Then he will meet, and yes, losing weight is very worth it.

Maybe the guy there in real life will not be handsome. Once I met like that, I couldn’t get over the shock for a long time. So meet, and we'll see.

Go on a date! No, no, you'll find another guy! Do you even have a problem? excess weight far-fetched!

I screwed myself up, forget about the complexes. If you like it, go, then you will regret it if you don’t meet.

Baby, do as you think.

You have a very interesting appearance; for some, plumpness really suits you. I'm not saying that you can't take care of yourself. But I like everything about you, you’re really cool, so there’s nothing to even think about!

Don't worry! You are beautiful!

Oh, what are you worried about, you will regret it if you don’t meet!

It’s better to do it and regret it than not to do it and regret it even more. Your excess weight makes you look good!

I also did not understand what the essence of the question was.

Do you go to the gym to sit at the buffet?

That is, you want support and words like “you’re already beautiful”, “love yourself” and so on? That's how I would write it!

In general, there is no need to criticize yourself before a date. You are very sweet, I liked you. You are so sexy!

Go on a date, just don't eat it.

Just don’t wear something too tight, manage to present yourself.

The same garbage, I wasted my happiness because of my complexes. Even if you don’t like me, that means it’s not destiny. The light didn't hit him like a wedge. The main thing is not to show a man that you have a complex, and he will not notice your shortcomings! Be yourself - it's a win-win! Good luck! And from now on, to feel confident, engage in self-improvement.

Everything will be known on the first date, so put the gas to the floor. Well, for you: according to statistics on dating sites, 72% have one-night stands, 16% of married people, 5% of perverts, 5% of trollers, and 2% of guys who are really into serious relationship. Maybe he is part of this 2%, who does not take risks, does not drink champagne.

There are perverts who are turned on by fat asses. So go ahead!

Have less complexes about your appearance, that’s my advice. And then I screwed it up here.

Are you going to the hall to have a look? Normal appearance, I think he understands perfectly what you look like, and in person, I hope much better than in the photo, in my opinion, most are terrible. But if this causes such panic, think carefully. Maybe it’s worth increasing the pace of your training, and not shaking before every date. Good luck to you to conquer with charm and inner peace.

What are you doing in the hall?

Well, if he likes chubby girls, then you have nothing to be afraid of. But still lose weight, don’t give up on this matter.

Go and don’t bother, I saw it in the photos, so you liked it!

In general, my advice to you is to pull yourself together and lose weight, just the right way. You have to meet him, if it works out well, if it doesn’t work out, to hell with it. But you have to get rid of the complex and love yourself. Not as she is, but thinner. Good luck to you!

Disgusting. I don't know what might be going on there. I don’t see anything in the photo other than a ton of cosmetics and effects. Maybe the guy decided to fuck you? Or he himself is sad. A fat woman can't look good, well, she can't! Don't fool yourself, take care of your body and lose weight. And may you be happy!

Well, after all, from your photographs it is clear that you are not skinny - at the same time, your appearance is bright and attractive. It is quite possible that this man likes exactly this type of appearance, but if you were thinner, he would not meet you and would not ask you on a date! In my opinion, you definitely fooled yourself, I can still understand if you were hiding behind an avatar of cats or a movie star, but in this situation, it’s obvious that the guy is more than happy with everything! So, go ahead and sing - there is no such thing as too much male attention!

Don't be a jerk, go on a date, then you'll decide!

This is no longer fat, but fat, and so we will meet, of course. You never know.

Fashionable plump girls will give odds to any thin girl. Don't hesitate, go on a date! Moreover, you wrote that you had men. Were you also embarrassed to go on a date with them, and, moreover, to go to bed?

What's the big deal if he saw you in the photo?

This is how I met my husband, if you like a guy, don’t be afraid!

Very bright appearance, such a chubby girl! You can lose a little weight. kg for 8.

Do you go to the gym or do you work out at the gym? More like the first option.

Girl, with your description you have brought a lot of bile on yourself.
It seems to me that your appearance is not entirely attractive. And it's not even because of completeness. And because of the huge amount of cosmetics and pretentious facial expression. But the fact that you promoted yourself, the fact that there were a lot of men, was, to put it mildly, not necessary. If a guy really likes you, then advice and love. My opinion is that if you are so afraid, offer him a double meeting. You are with a friend, and he is with a friend.

Feel free to meet! A girl’s sexuality is expressed not by kilograms, but by inner attractiveness.

Am I pretentious? I never considered myself like that. And yes, I love bright lipsticks, but I don’t look vulgar and vulgar. What's the problem? But thanks for the criticism, I'll take it into account.

I don't understand what the problem is? If he saw you in photos, and even more so - if he likes girls like you, why are you pissing? Go for the mines!

I'm not saying that you are pretentious, just from some of the photos you get the impression. You're pretty and bright girl, it seems to me that you look good even without bright lipstick. But this is my personal opinion.

You're not skinny either. And I don’t like your appearance. Everyone has different tastes. I did not ask for comments, but asked for advice on how to get rid of the fear of a meeting. If you can’t give one, then pass by!

Beautiful girl. Don't be afraid of anything. I met my husband through contact and also put off the first meeting for a long time!

Sexy girls don't have to be skinny. So don't hang around, but meet a guy!

The point is then to communicate with someone, and then be afraid to meet. Some kind of nonsense. You probably just want to hear from us how beautiful you are, don’t be ashamed of yourself and go on a date. But no!

Because there are overweight girls, but fit and with curves, and there are loose balls, the difference is huge.

Author, your question is formulated so strangely: you ask what to do and, at the same time, immediately reject the options that may be offered to you. No offense, but it looks like you're asking for compliments.

No, that's not what I'm talking about. I just thought that someone would give advice on how not to be nervous and stop pushing yourself, compliments, of course, are pleasant, but I obviously wouldn’t come here for them, here everyone would most likely attack with insults and bullying.

If you're embarrassed to talk to guys because you're overweight, psychologist to help you. Well, or lose weight.

Well, then go on a date as quickly as possible - and you will have a pleasant evening, and there will be no time to cheat yourself.

Thank you! Then I’ll write a post with the result of the meeting!

Not a virgin, and also fat, I wonder who the guy is who liked you?

Go on a date! If you don't like it, to hell with it!

If you have a lot of complexes, no one will help you except you. And “going” to the gym is not an indicator, just like “not a virgin.” It is stupid to expose such facts to the public. Listen more to your friends, they, apparently, out of good intentions, pat you on the head and feed you bread rolls?

Fatness does not suit you, and your friends are hypocrites. I also understand that the disease is there. But being physically able and fat is sad. Don’t look for excuses for yourself, do something about your excess weight now. A girl can't look sexy if she's a block of fat.

I’m fat too, look at the photo, but I walk around and I don’t care. Even this way I go on dates, it’s easy. If you like me, then at least be in something. These are hormones, they will make you a goddess.

Go and don’t worry, if the photos correspond to reality and he liked you - what’s the problem?

You are incredibly beautiful! They tell you this because if you lose weight, you will be a serious competitor. Pull yourself together and you will be beautiful and happy with yourself!

I wrote in Russian that I go to the gym, so that there would be no comments like go lose weight and so on. I know that I need to lose weight! I wrote about virginity and experience in relationships so that there would be no comments about the fact that the first time always hurts, and everyone is worried before the first time. What's unclear here? And yes, don’t take it as rude, but I’ll lose weight, but you can’t do anything with your appearance. If only plastic.

I wonder what kind of guy it is. I don’t understand what the author is afraid of, because you won’t lose anything if you go on a date. Your feminine complexes in this situation are out of the blue.

If he’s happy with it, then why create a complex?

I had a period where I was on dating sites. I went on dates almost every day. This kind of thing happened twice: I came to the meeting place, and the guy I was supposed to meet with drove up in a car, but didn’t get out of the car, stood there for two minutes and drove away. It's unpleasant, of course, but nothing terrible. And the second one stupidly turned off his phone a couple of minutes before the meeting, I think he was also sitting in a car somewhere nearby.

There was exactly the same situation, I was terribly driven, in the end we met, dated for 1.5 years, almost got married. Go ahead and don’t worry, we’re creating a lot of bullshit for ourselves.

The sexiest girls are the ones who are confident. So feel free to go if he asks you out on a date. So he liked you that way.

100 grams of champagne - and go!

You are a very pretty girl, don't be afraid of anything! You’re not going to the registry office with him! Maybe when you see him, you’ll understand that he’s not that big of a guy!

Thanks a lot! I'm afraid I won't like it. In the photo it’s one thing, in real life everything is different.

We need to make up our minds and see each other! Don't be afraid of anything, you are a spectacular girl, he will like you!

I'm not skinny either! I met my husband at the gym! Imagine, he saw me in all my glory.

The gym is a separate issue altogether!

So pull yourself together, pull yourself together and get ahead! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Good luck!

Thank you very much for your support!

The main thing is that you like yourself! A person must be happy, everything else will follow. And don’t you dare change yourself because of guys!

You, I see, are already a girl without complexes. What are you afraid of? Feel free to go on a date! If you don’t like it, well, to hell with it! Meet your destiny again!

Go on a date! If he doesn’t like something, then so be the flag! You should like you the way you are! Fat or thin, with or without makeup!

I am a former dancer. Always been beautiful figure. And then I lost 30 kg in three months. There were photos of a dancer on the Internet, and a fat woman was sitting at the computer. I met a bodybuilder. She didn’t agree to meet for three months, but New Year got drunk and invited me to my place (to a party). We've lived for five years! I haven't lost weight yet.

Now I have lost 23 kg and met again through the Internet. We talked for two months, and while he was flying, I gained 4 kg (it’s all New Year’s fault). We met, everything was great! So don't hesitate!

In general, I love stories about all sorts of weight loss!

If you are confident in yourself, body weight will not become an obstacle to personal happiness! Forward!

Of course go! The markers have different tastes and colors! Two years ago it was similar. Mom made me go and get to know each other, because I was afraid of the first meeting. Summer wedding. So go ahead! Good luck!

Why do you go to the gym on a treadmill for an hour at speed 2? I have such bodies in my gym, but in general, I read your comments, you are some kind of abnormal fat pig. So the guy is 100% joking. It’s better to go to the gym one extra time than to go for a walk with him. Fat will not burn itself.

Oh, we couldn’t meet for over a year, and now we’ve been together for over a year! Although I myself know how scary it is, it’s worth a try. No, no. Hurry up new option look for it.

If you don’t feel comfortable with your weight and have complexes about it, lose weight!

Sorry, of course, but I wouldn’t say a word if I heard criticism from a person with a good and well-groomed appearance. And if you look at my comments, you will see that I responded to many of the comments politely, and I listened to them. I just don’t see the point in listening to shit from those who look worse than me. My only drawback in appearance is being overweight, and I’ll get rid of that too. And about whether he cheats or not. Do you think everyone loves skinny people? Look around, there are a lot of fat girls in the world, there are some fatter than me, and they have favorite people. Discuss this topic at your leisure. And I wrote about virginity and about male attention, in order to avoid stupid comments like: the first time is always awkward, painful, scary, and so on. I have everything.

It's touching when a fat woman makes excuses. Come on baby, burn some more!

So you think that only those who look better than you have the right to criticize your appearance? Have you thought that, for example, for me (perhaps) that girl looks better than you? As my boyfriend says, all this is made up by fat women. And in fact, normal men like skinny chicks. Well, that’s it, to each his own, of course. But from your post it’s clear that you don’t like your weight, which means you need to lose weight for yourself, and not for the guy on the Internet. And as for virginity, I still don’t understand, what does it have to do with terribly painful pain and the like? For example, I didn’t think about sex at all, you should at least meet and talk first, maybe he’ll freeze up altogether, or you yourself will see him in life and won’t want to communicate further.

What does it have to do with being better than me? Just agree, she is far from the ideal of beauty! If I knew that it was 100% you in the photo, and you wrote to me that I needed to lose weight, I wouldn’t say a rude word, because it’s clear that the person (that is, you) takes care of himself! And in general. It wouldn’t be better for her and you to call me fat and so on, and recommend some exercises or diets that help you maintain your figure. No, you need to attack and throw stones, like, you’re fat, stay at home, no one will ever look at you, and so on. Fuck it! They look at me even at this weight! It’s just that I really like this guy, and I’m very afraid that he won’t like him! And I wanted banal support on how to behave, how to tune in! And I wasn’t asking for compliments! And even more so, I don’t want to listen to the dirt that girls like you spew!

And I don’t want to see photos of fat people here! Here!

I recently went to the gym myself, I don’t know myself, I’m still an amateur, but in general, look on the Internet, find Usmanova and her public page, there are a lot of exercises for girls. Well, nutrition is the main thing, it is 60%, or even 80% of success. I don’t know, I just don’t like it when they write non-anonymous posts and then attack the girls who criticize. If I don’t want to hear criticism even from a freak, then I don’t post my photos here, although I look good. In short, I haven’t had any such meetings or acquaintances, I can’t say anything sensible, but as for losing weight, look for programs on the Internet, download the GymUP application on your phone - it’s very cool, there are programs and exercises. In short, the Internet is teeming with all this. No, I’m not saying that you should sit at home, on the contrary, I wanted to motivate you a little, because in fact, there is nothing magically wonderful about taking care of yourself and losing weight, I personally go to the gym with great pleasure, and on the contrary, I take a break from everyone there problems. Although I die later, my weight is 49 kg, so the situation is different for the little one. In short, good luck to you, write later what’s going on with your boyfriend. But personally, I don’t really relate to all these Internet stories, although there is a very unexpected happy ending.

Well, if he doesn’t like you like that, it means it’s not yours.

Baby, I’m writing again: female sexuality is not about weight! And if you are on fire inside, your eyes sparkle, he will like you even with an imperfect figure. Forward!

It doesn’t matter whether you are fat or thin, there are many boys who, on the contrary, love donuts! And don’t worry about it, good man there must be a lot. Go, it doesn’t matter how full you are and so on, the main thing is how you hook him when you meet him. And don’t be afraid, if it’s yours, everything will be fine!

Well, I guess he likes your plumpness, everyone has their own fetishes..

Don't lose weight for a man. If you are comfortable in your body, stay in shape. But, if you feel discomfort, diet, intensive training, etc.

I would go on a date. I would go crazy just from thinking, go, and come what may!

Such a face is beautiful and now sweetly plump. And the fact that you go to the training room will gradually give results. Go on a date with confidence and the main thing is confidence! And then, maybe you won’t like him yourself, and you’ll run away! Good luck!

Previously, you had to think about it when you ate your lard with sweets.

You don't know what the psychology of sexuality is. Very often you don’t understand what a man sees in this freak. But it turns out that he wildly likes the feeling of being next to her. And she crushes her fats and cellulites with great pleasure. So go on a date with confidence! Moreover, you are a beautiful girl!

I always had such fear when I met people through the Internet! Nothing, everything ended well, don't worry. If you say that you like him, then you like him, don’t cheat.

Yes, for taste and color, there is a lover for every type. He saw you in the photo, so why are they afraid?

It seems to me or everyone fat girls Do your family and friends say that their fatness suits them? They tell me that too, although it is clear that there are shortcomings! If you play sports, then don’t worry about your figure, you’re improving it. And what’s more, he likes it. What else do you need? Don't be afraid of anything!

He may have fallen in love with your plumpness, but you are planning to lose weight!

Girl, are you sure that he is not a maniac? The fact that he likes fat people is already clear. If you're losing weight, looking tormented by a diet, no one will like it. The issue is safety. Now prisoners are also looking for girls through the Internet. I wouldn't risk it.

Girls, what if the situation is almost like this, only the guy is in the army and will come in the fall, I know him personally, but we haven’t communicated for a couple of years, it seems like sympathy, I think, should I wait for him to leave the army, or build another relationship?

Build other relationships.

Go on a date already!

Chameleon. Conformist. Compromiser.

I always tried to please people.

My friend even once called me the most non-conflict person in the world. And I was. I retreated at the slightest sign of conflict. He was the first to go to war. He pleaded guilty without even being guilty.

But recently an event occurred that changed me.

I found out that the person with whom I had the warmest relationship hated me. And he not only hates me, but also spreads terrible rumors about me.

Let me give you a few of the brightest “masterpieces”:

• I stole one thing from him, which he lost (the cost of the item is ~100 rubles)
• I scratched his car
• I secretly entered his apartment

As you already understand, the person is simply not himself. I understood this too, but still it came as a shock to me.

Lesson

But, really, you can make lemonade from any lemon, as Dale Carnegie said.

This trouble kicked me out of my comfort zone, out of my blind confidence that you can LIKE EVERYONE. I realized that sometimes, even if you are Mother Teresa herself, a person may not like you.

Well, IRRATIONALLY don’t like it and that’s it. Against all odds.

This new knowledge was of great benefit to me and even changed my life. For the better.

The higher you rise, the more ill-wishers there are

Will anyone argue with this?

As fate would have it, I am writing a lot now. It's no surprise that I pay attention to popular authors and bloggers. Those who made themselves. Self-Made.

Take any popular blogger or writer. And find among them a conformist who doesn’t “rock the boat” with anyone. Doesn't run over. Doesn't criticize. And EVERYONE likes it.

People are tired of template articles that you read like a press release. Texts that look like they were generated by a robot. Everyone wants to see a real person behind the articles, with his own opinion.

It is not surprising that this opinion may not please some. Let there be only 2%. But out of 10,000 readers, this is already 200 people.

Let's take, for example, the most popular LJ blogger, Ilya Varlamov, or the most popular author on LH, . Their posts always cause a sea of ​​comments and a storm of emotions.

But how much biased criticism, outright insults and even threats do they receive every day? This is a tribute to their popularity.

To be afraid of not being liked means to be afraid to express your opinion, to be afraid to talk about your ideas.

To be afraid of not being liked means to be afraid to grow.

I don't like you - what should I do?

OK, well, someone doesn't like me. But this does not mean that I will feel any negativity towards this person.

If they write me a negative and even inappropriate comment, my reaction is a polite “ignore”. I don’t go into conflict, I don’t give in to trolling. It's not productive.

I say to myself: “Or maybe he’s just drunk? Or was his dog hit by a car?”

Yes, you never know the reasons, which I can only guess about. But I'm not going to guess. It’s easier for me to develop a template reaction – polite “ignore”.

I kind of put an end to the sentence “This person doesn’t like me, but that’s okay.” All. Dot. We must move on with our lives.

It's funny how such a polite stance often ends up winning over the critic. In addition, it has a positive effect on your image in the eyes of other readers (colleagues, listeners, etc.). After all, what could be more disgusting than seeing an author swear in the comments?

How did this realization change my life?

The first thing I did was open my face online.

I used to write my articles under a pseudonym and a stupid avatar.

Why did I hide myself? I felt terribly uncomfortable even at the thought that my articles, my thoughts, would be seen by everyone. My friends, my relatives, my colleagues. What if they don't like it? What if they think I'm an upstart? And sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I write outright nonsense. How to deal with this?

The realization that it is impossible to please everyone solved this problem.

Now I write under my first and last name. I don't hide my photos.

And you know - nothing bad happened. All advantages. People find it more pleasant to communicate with real person. My blog and my articles have only benefited from this.

To summarize

Every day I see people who are simply driven crazy by the thought that someone might not like them. This is especially true, excuse me, of girls.

People cannot create, cannot speak in front of an audience, cannot meet the person they like. And all because of the fear of NOT being liked.

Now this is my self-criticism in the past. I solved this problem for myself. Well, I decide))

Maybe my experience will help you get rid of unnecessary soul-searching.

Write in the comments!

Did you like this post? No? Well, to hell with you!))

Hello. I communicate with a man on the Internet. We are happy with our correspondence. But I would like more: to meet and communicate realistically. I don’t know how to encourage him to meet. And I'm afraid that in reality we won't like each other.
What to do, what to do?

Katerina, Irkutsk, 32 years old

Art psychologist's answer:

Hello, Katerina.

There's nothing fancy about it - if you want your relationship to become real rather than virtual, suggest it. There is nothing to be ashamed of, you are not asking to marry him. The main thing is to present this not directly: “Let’s meet, I really want to,” but in some flirtatious form with an obvious hint. For example, “when you and I are walking there together, I’ll tell you about this” or “when I see it with my own eyes, then I’ll comment.” The main thing is to make such “offers” for a meeting in a relaxed, easy, non-binding way, but in such a way that it is obvious that you want this. Then your man will know for sure that you are interested in the meeting, but you don’t make a problem out of it, don’t ask, don’t pester, don’t make any claims. In this case, the whole matter will be up to him: if he likes such a hint, he will be happy to go to the meeting, and if there was no personal acquaintance for him, it’s good for him anyway, then you won’t drag him into the meeting by any means, and yes does it make sense in this case? If you don’t like each other, this is a matter of everyday life, this often happens with online dating, you probably assumed this when communicating with him virtually. I don’t know the intricacies of your communication, have you at least exchanged photos to understand each other’s type, style, image... If so, then the likelihood of not being liked is significantly reduced, and if not, then this needs to be done - also unobtrusively . “What if we find ourselves in the same place at the same time, but we don’t know each other, let’s exchange photos” - well, something like that. And one more thing: if your meeting is scheduled, go to it with the feeling that nothing grandiose should be revealed to you, that you are going to meet with a person you have known for a long time, close, understandable. Let it be not excitement, but curiosity (as if your friend did new hairstyle, and you would go and be curious to see). Then the risk of disappointment in him, and the risk of behaving differently than usual, not as you are (showing off, being shy) is also significantly reduced. Good luck to you!

Sincerely, Maria Pugacheva.