It's hard to imagine happy family. After all, children are an extension of their parents.

Babies fill the life of mother and father with new meaning, unite spouses and give opportunity to established couples realize oneself as parents.

But there are also situations when a man refuses to have children, citing a variety of reasons for their refusal.

An unwanted child: what are the consequences? Find out about this from ours.

Psychology and reasons

Why doesn't a man want children? The woman is already ready for motherhood and feels that there is a suitable man.

In her eyes, her beloved husband or boyfriend has the potential to become a great father.

But on the proposal to have a child together the man reacts negatively, aggressively or simply avoids the topic.

The reason, as a rule, lies in personal attitudes and beliefs that have formed in a person’s head based on his own experience, the example of others or the opinions of people significant to him:

1. The wife will stop paying attention to her husband. Men are often afraid that after the birth of a child, a woman will give all her love to the baby. But she will forget about her husband, getting bogged down in diapers, baby vests and baby formula. And while the new mother will once again shake the rattle over the cradle, the hungry and unloved father will go to work in a wrinkled shirt.

   And if earlier a man could talk to his wife at any time or ask her to do something, now the baby has become the “main person” in the family.

2. The wife will become ugly/uninteresting. Mothers often suffer from a lack of personal time. When should you take care of yourself if your infant son or daughter constantly requires attention and care? And childbirth often doesn’t affect a woman’s appearance in the best way. Here you have excess weight, stretch marks, and other delights of motherhood. And a man, having a beautiful and well-groomed girl as his wife, is afraid of getting a fat aunt with a dirty head and a swollen face from another sleepless night instead of his princess.



3. After childbirth, a woman’s range of interests also narrows to the “children’s world.” And the husband understands that when he comes home after work, he will no longer have intimate conversations with his wife or discuss painfully favorite topics. Now the tiny family member will always be on the agenda (how the baby ate, how many times he went to the potty, how long he slept).
4. I can't handle it. Fear of not being able to feed your family is one of the most common fears among men. After all, after the birth of a child, you will have to spend money on diapers, a crib, a stroller, toys, etc. And the wife will go on maternity leave. And if the spouse decides to go to work, then the nanny will be in charge of raising the heir, whose services will have to be paid from the family budget.
5. I will lose my freedom. Before children appear, a woman is loyal to her husband’s hobbies. While her beloved leaves to meet friends, she meets with her friends. The husband goes fishing - the wife goes to the beauty salon.

   But after the birth of the baby, the woman finds herself in isolation. She is forced to obey a certain schedule (sleep, feeding, various procedures). And not all friends are willing to spend time with young mothers.

   Here you can also add problems with transportability, because riding with a baby on public transport is inconvenient, and carrying him in your arms is quite difficult. Well, little changes for a man. He also goes to work, wants to watch football this weekend and plans to go fishing. The wife begins to accumulate grievances, beg and express dissatisfaction: “I sit at home, and you go wherever you want!” The result is quarrels with your beloved and omnipresent restrictions.



6. Relationship with wife will deteriorate. Hormonal changes, fatigue, health problems (wife or child), lack of sleep, fears and worries. All this can seriously spoil a wife. And if before she was an affectionate cat, the man is used to this situation. He does not want to live with a grumpy and embittered woman.
7. I've already been through this. This situation arises in families in which (or the husband has children from his ex-wife). Perhaps the ex-wife became unbearable after the birth of the child. Or maybe during the times of “naked youth” there was an acute shortage of money, and the family was forced to limit itself in everything for the sake of the children. Or the man became a hostage to his status as a “father” and was deprived of any joys and entertainment. The negative experience has been deposited in the subconscious and now the husband protests in every possible way to his beloved’s desire to become a mother.
8. The wrong woman is nearby. It also happens that, being in a relationship or marriage with a woman, a man does not see her as the mother of his children. After all, the male body is structured differently than the body of the fairer sex. There are no age restrictions or “biological clocks,” and you can become a father at 40, 50, and even 60 years old. And as long as a man feels good next to his chosen one, he will be in a relationship with her.

   But at the same time, he will understand that sooner or later he will part with his companion for the sake of a more suitable candidate for the role of mother.

9. I don't want to be like others. If a negative example of a family with children constantly flashes before a man’s eyes, he will not want to have children of his own. After all, a bad example is scary. What if your beloved wife becomes as angry and irritable as your neighbor’s wife? Or will he also gain weight and start walking around in washed out dressing gowns? Or will the little one scream forever and torment his parents like the son of his best friend?

What to do?

My husband doesn’t want a child: what should I do?

If your husband doesn’t want you to give birth to his son or daughter, this does not mean that you should bury dreams of motherhood.

First of all, it is worth finding out why your spouse does not plan to become a father.

Ask more questions

If a man is ready for a frank conversation, it is necessary without any offense talk to him. Does your spouse or boyfriend directly say that he doesn’t want children?

Ask why. And if your loved one evades the topic, you can use a woman’s cunning.

Use indirect or leading questions, ask the man’s opinion about the situation in other families that have children or are just waiting for a new addition.

Gradually it will work out collect information, on the basis of which you can work and change negative attitudes to positive ones.

Negotiate with the man

What scares your spouse?? Need to get up at night after a hard day at work?

You can negotiate with grandmothers who will take the baby to their place several times a week. You can hire a nanny or...

Is the husband worried that he will be left without the attention and affection of his wife? Or is he afraid of losing his free time? You can always find a compromise and reach an agreement with my spouse.

Main- do not remain silent, but warn in advance, grievances and fears through a productive discussion of the problem.

Set a positive example

Avoid contact with families in which children have caused quarrels or discord. You should not visit couples who have naughty, spoiled and always screaming children.

Having looked at such an “anti-idyll”, the husband will definitely not want to have his own kids.

But watching couples who raise their children in love and harmony, maintain love and passion for each other, your chosen one will gradually cast aside all fears and prejudices.

And if a man is afraid that instead of a beautiful and liberated wife he will get a blurry housewife, prove otherwise. Show photos of famous actresses or girls you know who have successfully returned to their former shape after childbirth and lead an active lifestyle.

Don't "scare"

It is a common situation in which woman making comments regarding familiar married couples with children, while taking the mother’s side.

“Yes, if I were her, I would kick my husband out of the house!”, “And why is she letting him go with his friends? It would be better if she made me sit with the little one all night!”, “What does unkempt mean? She gave birth to his child! I must now love someone who is unkempt, and has a dirty head and stretched out pants!”

Saying such words rashly, a woman does not think about what a man applies similar statements to his family. And the desire to have children is replaced by fears and prejudices.

Take your time

It is important not only to motivate a man to have an heir, but also to understand himself. Many women suffer from substitution of concepts.

Due to pressure from relatives, conversations with friends about the “joy of motherhood” and external propaganda, representatives of the fair sex begin to think that they want children.

In fact, this is just an externally imposed attitude. And subconsciously a woman strives to avoid pregnancy and picks up a man who is not ready to become a father.

I want a child, but my husband doesn’t.

If your husband does not want children, it is important to discuss this topic with him and try to find a compromise.

Worst behavior - try to push for pity, throw tantrums and scandals.

It is better to give the man as much attention as possible and show that your love for your spouse is strong and will not weaken after the birth of the baby.

And if a man has any psychological blocks (unsuccessful experience of fatherhood, difficult relationships with parents and persistent phobias), it is better seek help from a family psychologist.

The guy doesn't want children. You should not create illusions that the guy will want children later or is not yet mature. Silence on the part of a woman and hope for a bright future, in which there will be babies and home comfort, lead to nowhere.

Ask your guy about what your life together will be like. Is there room for children in it?

If the chosen one does not want children and sets other goals for himself (travel, science, career, etc.), then he will have to accept his position or break off the relationship.

I'm pregnant and my husband doesn't want a baby. If love and mutual understanding reign in the family, but the man does not want a child, explain to him why it is so important for you to become a mother.

Bring up the topic of health (after all, an abortion can lead to infertility and problems with conception in the future). If a man plans to have children together (even if not now), this will become a weighty argument for him.

Take a step towards a man, actively showing her feelings for him.

It is important to encourage the man, to say that he will become a good father and will be able to provide his family with everything necessary.

It makes sense to curb your financial appetites, and not look at branded onesies and expensive strollers, so as not to aggravate a man’s fear of responsibility.

My husband doesn't want a second child. Negative experiences prevent men from deciding to have a second child. If you don’t have children together, then it’s your ex-wife’s fault.

Explain to your husband that the baby not always a problem, and in your family, the husband’s opinion will be taken into account, as well as the wife’s opinion. Show your spouse that you are willing to compromise.

If you have a child together, and after his birth there is discord in the family, you need to discuss this with your husband. Most likely, he has formed certain claims.

Find out what mistakes, grievances and problems arose after the baby is born? Maybe you stopped paying attention to him? Or did they lose their temper over trifles? Have you limited your intimate life?

Explain to your spouse that having given birth to a second child, you will take into account all the negative nuances and, together with your loved one, you will begin to “learn from your own mistakes.”

My wife wants a child, but I don’t.

If your wife dreams of children, and you are a supporter of the “childfree” movement, then you will not have a future together with this woman.

Sooner or later, requests and persuasion will turn into a stage of chronic resentment and depression, and the family idyll will crack.

Well, if you plan to have children together, however now is not the right time for the birth of offspring (financial difficulties, housing problems, career prospects, etc.) you can explain the situation to your beloved woman.

Set a specific date when you will be ready to give birth and raise heirs and be able to provide your family with everything they need.

Children are wonderful. They allow you to take relationships to a new, higher level. But it's important perceive the child not as the center of the universe and the only meaning of life, but as another member of the family, equal in status to the spouses.

Then children will be a joy, and not a heavy burden and a threat to the personal life and professional fulfillment of the spouses.

My man doesn’t want to have children, what should I do?! Psychotherapy:

The desire to have children is determined genetically in women - it is simply required by nature. But sometimes, unfortunately, an unpleasant situation arises. You can live happily with your chosen one for more than one year, but when it comes to a child, you receive a categorical refusal or the banal “I’m not ready to become a father yet.”

Source: Shutterstock

It would be short-sighted to hope for an accident that will solve the problem itself. After all, this is fraught, first of all, with the next unpleasant surprises that your man may present upon learning about an unplanned pregnancy.

Therefore, it would be right to discuss the current situation in advance and at least find out why the man does not want to have a child. Such situations are by no means uncommon, psychologists say.

The most common reasons that a man does not want children

1. THREAT a representative of the “stronger” sex may view the future child as a threat to his position in some area. For example, many believe that a wife will stop loving and devoting time to them after the child is born.

2. FEAR OF LIABILITY, Unfortunately, not every man is the same “stone wall” behind which it is so calm. And even if this is not noticeable outwardly, he is well aware to himself that he simply does not want to take on additional responsibility for the life and well-being of a new person.

3. FEAR OF CHANGE If the person next to you is inert and a little lazy (or maybe just has psychological trauma), a change in his usual way of life is unacceptable for him. Some husbands are so afraid of new responsibilities and reduced leisure time that they are ready to endlessly put off the decision to have a child until later.

4. HOUSING OR MATERIAL QUESTION This, one might say, is the other side of the coin. An overly responsible man may believe that your family simply won’t be able to cope with the arrival of a baby - for example, there won’t be a place to live and something to feed the baby. Although objectively, if you analyze the situation together, in reality the conditions often turn out to be not at all so catastrophic.

5. AGE, if your chosen one is no longer in his second or third decade, he may consider himself too old to be a father. This is the fear of leaving the family without a breadwinner, and the fear of not being able to cope with the numerous active responsibilities that the birth of a child is associated with. The age issue also has a downside, and women encounter it no less often. Men under 30 often consider themselves too young to have children, fighting back with arguments like “I haven’t had time to live for myself yet.”

6. HATE OF CHILDREN is another reason why your spouse may not want a child. It just so happens that some people simply do not like children as such, and this is much more common in men than in women. Perceiving the baby as a source of constant dirt, noise and disturbance, men confidently say that they will not tolerate this in their home. It's funny that, according to statistics, it is from this category that loving and caring fathers often turn out, because their child turns out to be an angel from heaven, and not a noisy monster, like strangers.

7. HEALTH PROBLEMS: Chronic diseases and genetic abnormalities are often the reason why a man refuses to have a child. If you know about them, you will need to consult a specialist who can reasonably show what the chances are of passing on this evil burden to inheritance.

What to do if your husband does not want a child:

1) find out why exactly your chosen one refuses to have children. Try to figure out whether the man is answering truthfully - it is extremely important to talk sincerely. After all, only after understanding the problem can you begin to solve it;
2) never resort to the “faking pregnancy” trick. By deceiving your loved one with this “shock therapy”, instead of the desired educational effect, you can ruin this relationship forever;
3) Explain your feelings to your spouse. Tell us that in every woman the need to have her own child is inherent at the hormonal level. It would also not be amiss to hint that time does not stand still, and with age, your chances of giving birth to a healthy, full-fledged child, although not by much, decrease;
4) introduce the man to a family where they are raising a happy and well-mannered child. It is advisable that the father of this family has a lot in common with your husband. This positive example can set your chosen one’s thoughts in the right direction.

“Children are the flowers of life!” - Maxim Gorky once said. “But let them grow in other people’s gardens for now!” - the men, who do not yet see themselves in the role of fathers, cheerfully picked up on him. In principle, this is correct: children are a huge responsibility for which you must not only prepare, but also want to bear it.

But what to do if a woman dreams of a child, and a man resists - he carefully protects himself and demands the same from his beloved? Is it possible to convince him of the need for a complete family and in what cases should this not be done?

Why doesn't he want children?

First you need to find the root cause by which you can understand such a stubborn desire of a man not to have children. There are several of them.

He is afraid of losing his freedom

Men are indeed more responsible than women. They rarely rely on instinct and feelings, they are driven by logic, and this is what it usually suggests:

You will have to forget about entertainment and travel for a long time, because with a child your freedom will be limited. Even grandparents don’t like to spend a long time with children and only take them in for a little babysitting.

One can only dream of sound sleep. You will have to get up at night, change diapers, and even if your wife does this all the time, the child’s scream will still not allow you to get a good night’s sleep.

Saturday baths with friends and copious amounts of beer will remain a thing of the past, since at this time, according to the wife, for some reason it will be necessary to wash the baby, wash diapers, and cook porridge. Well, or at least help my wife with this.

You can't invite friends over either. They make noise, carry infections from the street, breathe tobacco and alcohol, and in general - according to many young mothers, all these visitors can jinx a small child.

Men are not blind - they see such changes in friends who have already experienced this. And another factor that can affect a man’s psyche is if he himself was a nanny in his family for his younger sisters and brothers. Then freedom is truly more valuable to him than gold.

Spending a lot of money scares him

It is believed that children are an expensive pleasure. A man is scared to imagine that in addition to the freedom stolen by a child, he will also have to work two jobs to provide for the entire family. After all, a child needs a lot.

Actually this is not true. The baby needs tasty mother's milk and a sound sleep in dry diapers. As he gets a little older, he needs bedtime stories, attention from his parents, interaction with his peers, and a few favorite toys.

Everything else is the parents' show off. Cool strollers, carved cribs, an abundance of educational toys and branded clothes are dust in the eyes of others for the sake of their own vanity, nothing more.

But every man, watching his friend, a young dad, bend over backwards, involuntarily thinks - are such sacrifices necessary? But apparently this dad’s wife imagined that her child couldn’t do without branded onesies.

Of course, children require investment. Like it or not, in the kindergarten they shake money from your wallet, in schools there are extortions, and the child wants to eat and drink. But if you approach your budget wisely and don’t stroke your ego through your child, then you shouldn’t push yourself financially. By the way, these are the arguments that you can give to a man when trying to persuade him to have a child.

He has other priorities

Well, he doesn’t see happiness in children. He is not interested in this life among wet diapers and squealing children. By the way, not only men come to this conclusion, some women too. And you don’t have to blame them - they act more honestly, those who play enough with children in the first month, and then run away from home because of the squeaking and squealing.

So, such a man has different priorities:

He cares about his career. He studied with pleasure, choosing science as his vocation, and achieving his main goal in life.

He cannot stay in the family for a long time. His passion is travel, tourism, expeditions and exploring the world.

He is a confirmed bachelor. Yes, he doesn’t want to get married, much less have children, because he’s an incorrigible romantic.

He sees his destiny as completely different, and not the one they want to impose on him, explaining how to live. It disgusts him even more when they put pressure on him, trying to get him married and convince him of the need for children.

He may change his mind someday, but this will only happen if he finds the woman who can outshine all his past goals, interests and hobbies. If a man is not going to do this with you, then you are not his ideal.

How to persuade him

If you think you can force him, then you are mistaken. If it is carefully protected, then you have only one way out - nasty and insidious, which is described in the article. Just don’t expect happiness after this.

In fact, there is a way, but it must be achieved through peaceful negotiations and constructive conversations without offense or scandals. If you understand that the time is coming, it’s time for you to give birth, you have been married for a long time, and you know your husband as you know yourself, then it’s worth starting a conversation.

Don't rush things

You shouldn’t “pressure” a man if you are still young and just got married (or just started living together). The child’s desire in this case is similar to the desire in childhood: “Mom, dad, I want a dog!” The parents explain that the dog needs to be raised properly, walked, treated, cared for, and you become hysterical - I want it and that’s it.

If you hurry, then in all family quarrels about the child one phrase awaits you: “You yourself wanted this!” The child screams at night, there is no one to take him to kindergarten, he is sick, and they keep telling you: “Go ahead, wife, you wanted this yourself!” And it will be true.

For a man to be ripe for a child, he needs to eat more than a pound of salt:

Have fun. Explore the whole world, dance at discos and have fun at parties with friends.

Get used to each other's character. If you have quarrels, it means that not everything is going smoothly for you.

Arrange your life financially. In other words, sort out housing and finances. Well, where to give birth to a child if you are still hanging around in rented corners with unstable work?

And when everything in life is “settled”, and a man has no arguments for abandoning a child, then most likely he himself will be ripe for this. In this case, there should be no more problems, because everything was done correctly - everything is as described in the article. The main thing is that the house is not “upside down”.

Enlist the support of family and friends

This support should be unobtrusive, without pressure. For example:

The best friend is proud that he decided to become a father, and his choice was right - children only bring joy.

The mother-in-law is worried that she still hasn’t become a grandmother, but she really wants to babysit her grandchildren.

Going out on a picnic, the teenage son of mutual friends quickly collects wood for the fire, helps his father set up a tent and goes fishing with all the men. Why isn't a father proud?

If you are no longer young

For some reason, there is a myth that a family without children is not a family at all, and therefore some women believe that a child born even at a late stage is a sure proof of love.

Nonsense! If you are no longer a young girl, doctors do not advise you to have children, and your husband is against it, then why be a hero? And if you and your husband are both in your second marriage, and in your first you each already have children, then it’s not a bad idea to live for yourself. Moreover, if in his first marriage his children did not hold him back, then do not think that in the event of a breakup, your common child will hold him back. Men very rarely live in families just for the sake of children.

If you couldn’t persuade a man to have a child, neither with words, nor with deeds, nor with material benefits, but you want to give birth, you have two options:

• give birth for yourself and disappear from his life forever,
• change the man.

But forcing your desires on another person is disgusting.

Not all couples raise the issue of children before marriage. You have already had a wedding a long time ago, lived “for yourself”, and it would seem that it’s time to think about a child. And then it turns out that the husband does not want a child. If you are also closer to thirty, and your biological clock is ticking faster and faster, it’s time to panic. But there is no need to panic. After all, this will not solve the problem. Some women resort to cunning, become pregnant without their husband’s consent and present him with a fait accompli. But this is unlikely, which were already overshadowed by long and tedious disputes over children. If a man doesn't want a child, there must be a reason. Your task is to find out and try to dispel your spouse’s doubts. It is unlikely that his reluctance arose out of nowhere.

Some women, faced with a similar problem, begin to wonder whether men want children at all? In most cases, yes. Men who don't want them at all are quite rare. Simply - “not now.” Let's try to figure out together why not now, and what to do about it.

Why men don't want children

There are quite a lot of reasons why the stronger half of humanity is in no hurry to have children. Below are the most common of them.

The first reason is financial. The arrival of a new family member is fraught with expenses, and this is inevitable. And the new mother will also be on maternity leave. Perhaps the man is worried that he will not be able to provide his family with everything they need. Or he thinks that he needs to wait for a better financial situation, the opportunity to purchase a larger apartment, and so on. But it is unknown how long you will have to wait. Most likely, the spouse is exaggerating his hypothetical expenses. After all, the baby doesn’t care at all how much money his parents spend on him. The main thing is that they love him and take care of him, which means that a couple with almost any income can become parents (we do not consider extremes, when the situation is so deplorable that the spouses cannot provide the basic necessities for themselves). Let's say you have an apartment, your husband is able to pay for it while you are on maternity leave, and also provide food for you and the child. You should convince your husband that you don’t need to spend exorbitant sums on a dowry for your baby. In the end, you can buy a used crib and stroller, children's clothes are often given to young parents by friends and acquaintances whose children have already grown out of them, but toys and diapers are not the most expensive things in the world.

Reason two: the man believes that you are not ready to become a responsible mother. Perhaps you are behaving too childishly and capriciously, and he is afraid that he will have two children - a newborn and you? Show your husband that you have “grown up.” In all situations, try to behave seriously and judiciously. If conflicts arise, resolve them not by scandals, but by finding a compromise.

Reason three: your spouse is afraid that after the birth of your baby you will stop caring about your appearance. No matter what they say about the inner world, a man still loves with his eyes! And it is not uncommon for a woman to devote all her time to her child. Let him know that you love yourself just the way you are and will not allow your attractiveness to fade, you will continue to take care of yourself. Maybe not as intensely as before, but don’t let yourself go, don’t turn into a dull person in a washed-out robe, with greasy hair, hairy legs and broken nails. Yes, you will have to make not double, but triple efforts to cope with everything and have time to take care of your appearance without detriment to the baby, but who said that it would be easy? Are you ready for this!

Reason four: the husband is afraid that with the birth of the child his income will increase, and he will be incredibly tired (after all, he also needs to work to provide for his family). Firstly, the times when young parents were exhausted, washing mountains of diapers are long gone. Now there are a huge number of inventions that make life easier for new mothers and fathers. Second, discuss parenting responsibilities before you plan to have a baby. For clarity, you can even make a list. Talk about which procedures dad should participate in and which ones you can handle on your own. When a man specifically represents the “front of work,” the role of a father will no longer seem so tiresome and troublesome to him.

Reason five: your spouse is afraid of a lack of attention on your part. Indeed, some young mothers completely dissolve in their child, forgetting that their husband also needs them. Try to convince your husband otherwise by surrounding him with care even before the planning stage of the baby.

Reason six: the husband thinks that with the birth of a child his freedom will be significantly limited. This issue should definitely be discussed. Yes, after the birth of your baby your life will change. But, firstly, you will not always be limited in free time. The child will grow up and everything will change. When the baby turns two years old, you can take him with you on picnics and on vacation. In addition, grandparents will come to the rescue, and you and your spouse will be able to find time for yourself. Secondly, you are not going to wall up your husband at home - although not as much as before, he will still be able to devote time to his friends and hobbies.

Reason seven: a man is afraid of children. But this problem needs to be solved with a psychologist! A good specialist will help your spouse cope with this. All that remains is to convince my husband to go to the appointment...

Reason eight: you are not the heroine of his novel. Perhaps this person does not see a future with you. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that you will be able to fix anything in this situation. Most likely, you will have to break up and go towards changes and a man who will want children from you.

My husband doesn't want a second child

What to do if you already have one baby and you want a second one, but your spouse doesn’t? The same thing: find out the reason. Maybe the first child was unplanned, and the man is simply not ready for the second yet. Or maybe, again, it’s about money - your spouse is afraid that you simply won’t be able to handle another baby. In this case, it is necessary to describe in detail all possible expenses associated with the addition of another family member. In most cases, it turns out that fears were exaggerated. In addition, do not forget that you already have many necessary things - you bought them for your first child.

Or, perhaps, when your first child was born, your husband felt significant inconvenience: you stopped taking care of yourself and pleasing him with your appearance, you paid little attention to your spouse, you had complications from your first pregnancy, and he is afraid for you... Whatever a man’s doubts, their we need to find out and try to dispel it. The main thing is not to remain silent, but to discuss and try to find a solution that suits both.

The desire to have a second child must be conscious. Some women, when the situation in the family is tense, relationships are not going well at all, hope to save the marriage by giving birth to another baby. But you shouldn’t do this: the birth of a child is associated with certain difficulties and troubles, and, perhaps, they will only escalate the situation.

We have two children. And this changed both me and my relationship with my husband very much. I believe that motherhood is very important for a woman. There is a whole article about this. There is also one for women who cannot yet become mothers . But what if you want children, but your husband doesn’t?

“We have been living together for a long time. Married. And I want children. But my husband is not ready yet. What to do? What should I do?— such letters come to me often. And in the process, many women found that the most unsatisfying part of their relationship was children. More precisely, their absence. Or quantity.

Let's look at exactly this situation today - why a man doesn't want children. Or does he say he doesn't want to?
Men love children no less. Just different.
Let's start with the fact that a man actually often loves children and wants to have children. I have seen very few truly indifferent fathers. Most often, they distance themselves from the child because of problems with his mother.

And even if it seems to you that someone doesn’t love their children, you don’t know what’s going on inside them. I have seen many tears and worries of fathers who are not allowed to communicate with their children after a divorce. I have heard many complaints that women manipulate children, siphoning off money and fraying their nerves...

But we’re not really talking about that now. So, almost every man loves and wants children. But he often tries to delay their appearance. Motivating this is that:

• I don't have that much money
• No apartment
• Didn't live for yourself
• And so on.

What really lies behind these excuses?

Most often fear and uncertainty. Since childhood, men have been told not to be afraid or cry, so they come up with excuses.

What fears most often lie behind the reluctance to have children?

1. Increase in wife's appetite

Olga Valyaeva