I have a problem. Nobody likes me. And I never liked it. No, in the sense of “let’s fuck” there were and are proposals, but nothing more serious. Nothing!! No falling in love in the pioneer camp, nor at school, nor in adult life. Here I am writing, and such anger is rising!
Whores, cheaters, "offenders", materialistic ones have one or two idiots in love with them in the friend zone "in reserve" - but I have none, never. Every woman and girl can tell a story about “oh, how he was in love with me!” - but I’ve never had anything like this.
At the same time, I know how to love, I am faithful, money is not the main thing for me. Not beautiful, but not ugly either. I heard about myself that I am very pretty and smart. Well-groomed, long hair, heels, dresses. That is, it is clearly not a matter of appearance. I’ve seen much scarier ones with lots of fans!
It's annoying. It's annoying! It just kills. When we sit in a company with friends, in a cafe or somewhere, someone is always sent flowers and invited to dance. Never me.
If you, dear men, looked not at “vibes”, “manicness” and other nonsense, but assessed the essence of a person, you would be much happier in marriage! There would be no stories about a wife who never visited her husband with a broken leg in the hospital (that’s how it’s possible!), about infidelity, and so on. I would never cheat on my husband; for me it’s below par.
But his wife is not me, but she. And it was her that he dreamed of; he fell in love with her, not me. He was courting, probably jealous. Gave flowers. He did all sorts of romantic nonsense.
Her. Loved it. And he would have walked past me without even noticing! Every year bitterness accumulates and I find myself rejoicing in similar stories where a man suffered from such a wife. Although I’m not evil at all, to be honest!
Now I have withdrawn into myself and don’t want anything anymore. One joy is to watch how other people's families fall apart and then these wives suffer - former happy brides who were chosen over me. Fortunately, there are plenty of such cases around.
Of course, I have my own hobbies and work. For information: I have many friends and just female acquaintances, I get along with people easily.
There are no men among my friends. In general, I am sure that friendship between a man and a woman is a veiled interest. And men are not interested in me. If only for once, but I don’t need this “once”, I just need a relationship. Whether friendly or loving, any relationship is based on mutual interest, warmth and support. Only this way and nothing more! I’ve heard opinions like “don’t be touchy,” but there are a lot of examples before my eyes when a girl is far from being touchy, but there is still no relationship.
Where am I wrong, tell me, men? I won’t reveal my name, I won’t give you contact information - I’m ashamed.
Just look around more often: in addition to these fatal ones of yours, the ones you immediately liked, there are other girls. A little less bright, but chat! Come, communication does not oblige you to anything! Maybe your dream of being faithful and reliable will come true.
I answer, what.)
And I warn you right away that you will need a lot of courage to read this.
But I think it’s necessary to write, because I think there are still people with similar problems and, perhaps, my answer will help them look at themselves from the outside. It won't hurt you either. Therefore, I will speak honestly about the experience.
* * * * *
Yesterday Lizka read “Discuss Me” and made what she thought was an improvement proposal: they say, Katya, you need to do this section a little differently. Let people send you photos, and literally two lines about yourself, it will be cooler.
No, I answer, you can post the most beautiful photos and fix them with Photoshop, in the end. And from photographs, the impression of a person can be completely false.
And the text almost never deceives. When a person writes about himself, he reveals himself without noticing it; the text is an expression of nature.
Sometimes a person himself does not understand how “naked” he remains in the text.
You know, they say “Freudian slip,” but I think it’s high time to introduce the term “Kat slip” - this is when a person sometimes thinks that he has written all the best things about himself, in the brightest colors, but...
“I’m writing this, and such anger is rising!” (With)
* * * * *
If you sent me your photos with one note: “I’m unlucky - that’s all” - what would I see in them?
Oh, yes, perhaps there would be a very pretty, sweet girl, “well-groomed, long hair, heels, dresses.” I would probably look and think: wow, how strange men are - they don’t pay attention to such a wonderful girl, what else do they want? And I would even sympathize.
But I don’t have a photo and I have to judge you by the text, which, as I said, often leaves a person naked.
And without heels and dresses, a completely unsightly picture appears to me.
And I see that you... how to put it... perceive the world too problematically.
And the feeling from you is not at all what you think.
Well, for example, you sincerely believe that “I know how to love,” but it’s you who wrote the words a couple of lines above: “Whores, cheaters, “offended”, materialistic people have one or two idiots in love with them.”
So after this, you could write me a sheet of text about how well you know how to love, but I won’t believe a single word.
No-e-di-no-mu!
I often talk about bells: look at how a person treats others, and don’t for a second have the illusion that he will treat you differently. It won't. There is simply no other algorithm in his picture of the world.
It is impossible to say “all are bastards and bastards” and at the same time love one person. (That is, it is possible, but... such love will be sick and always limited by time and circumstances: while everything is good - love, as soon as something goes wrong - beware.)
That's why I don't believe that you "know how to love." No. You can't. What you don't have in you is love.
There is female unfulfillment. Envy is full. Anger can be scooped up with baskets.
But love, the very element that attracts other people, is not in you.
And it's repulsive.
A person himself determines which side to remain on: the light or the dark. As you decide, so it will be, the way you see the world is what will surround you.
And yet you are dark, angry and heavy. And, I suppose, in real life you make a lot of noise.
And since you have barricaded yourself on your dark side, why be surprised that nothing is going well and men are avoiding you? It’s not enough to declare your qualities in words, you need to radiate the same sensation.
In the meantime, for example, I perfectly understand men who bypass you on the tenth road. I would also go around. The attitude towards life and people is perfectly readable, believe me.
There is a good joke.
“A man sits and whines: his wife is a bitch, his children are bastards, his boss is a bastard, his salary is crap...
And behind him stands an angel and thinks: hmmm, what strange desires a man has, but okay, since he wants it, he must fulfill it...”
So in at the moment your personal angel fulfills your order exactly. And nothing else.
The world around us is a mirror. And it reflects exclusively what is in us.
If I sit down and start saying: “Oh, I’m unhappy, everything is bad for me, everyone around me is a creature,” nothing good will appear in my life, and I will be unhappy until the end of my days. And I will be surrounded only by bastards and bastards.
Well, you understand already, right?
* * * * *
...and here I gradually move on to how to fix it.
First you need to stop complaining about life and start learning to love.
Not an abstract man who will still appear there and pay attention to you (as long as you radiate anger and envy, he will not appear), but people in general.
Yes, yes, and those same “whores” too. Especially "whores"! And the “idiots” - along with them.
Well, yes, as you wanted;)
To put it even simpler, you need to kill your pride. Because pride is the snake that poisons your life.
And don’t confuse it with pride, pride has nothing to do with it.
Pride is dignity. By definition, evil and envious people cannot have dignity.
Nobody likes arrogant and arrogant people. And yes, they are avoided.
That's how you are now - men.
Because you invisibly contrast the world with yourself - you are all so beautiful, sort of highly moral and kind of highly spiritual, and all around you is nothing but dirt.
Well, what do you want from the dirt? So you sit alone in your pure, pure tower. And life goes on around us.
Which is all “below the plinth” for you.
...but oh how I want to dive. Just so that no one sees.
So this life, with all its jokes and imperfect people, you need to learn to love.
Take yourself by the scruff of the neck every time you want to brand another “whore”, which, by the way, is such only in your still evil imagination.
Kicking yourself every time the thought of putting someone down or being jealous arises in your head.
And not “ahhh, idiot, he invited this whore to the dance, not me, so that’s all for you!” , this “empty” is always reflected on the face.
But “wow, another couple has formed, I’m so happy for them, how beautiful!” Because after thinking “they are beautiful,” you will inevitably smile, and a smile always makes a person beautiful.
You should not rejoice at the failures of others, but, on the contrary, consciously look for happy couples, look at them and be happy for them. This changes the perspective: If everything is fine with people, then everything will be fine with me.
And try sincerely, and not through gritted teeth and because Katya advised. At first it will be difficult, but then, you’ll see, you’ll like it.)
Yes, after a couple of months of such training, you will look different, the feeling from you will change!
And yes, men, of course, fall for the vibes.
Only these vibes are not at all what many women think. Women think that “fluidity” creates a sexy dress, plump lips, heels and the “oh, what a female I am” look. Only the look should be accompanied by lightness and ordinary, human kindness.
This is the strongest fluid.
Men can be stacked in stacks with goodwill alone. I've been doing this myself all my life.
* * * * *
Yes, and by the way, here you are addressing men:
If you, dear men, looked not at “vibes”, “manliness” and other nonsense, but assessed the essence of a person...
Well, first of all, catch your eye on any person on the street and immediately decide: I will date this person, and then live with him!
And what? Can't? Don't you know him yet? Well, that's it.
So how should they have serious plans for you if you don’t even allow them to get to know you better?
And secondly, I personally didn’t understand at all how - well, how?! - a potential man-who-will-be-nearby should appreciate your essence if you are ready to bite off the hand of anyone who approaches you: “And not for Is this the same He fucking came up to me?!"
And a magnifying glass on him, a magnifying glass! Like a bug, unworthy even to crawl at your feet.
Yes, of course, don’t even doubt it!
Yes, that’s why you wear heels with dresses - to attract a man.
And, I’m embarrassed to ask, why? ;)
If you need a loved one, then get yourself a girlfriend, go to libraries with her, have long intimate conversations, get to know each other’s deep inner world.
No? Girlfriend not suitable? What? Do you need a man?
Well, a man will always be interested in a woman primarily as a sexual object.
And whoever is not interested is gay and definitely not suitable for you.
I’m not telling you to immediately jump into bed with every first one, just... put away the magnifying glass, put away the magnifying glass! ;)
There are also different ways to refuse. It’s possible that he won’t tire of admiring you later. So in this regard, you should even learn from “whores who have one or two idiots in love in the friend zone” (c) ;)
Their lives, by the way, work out differently from yours;)
But because there is lightness there that you don’t have.
***This, by the way, is generally the problem of many touchy princesses; they, apparently, in childhood took the fairy tale about the princess in the tower too seriously: here she sat, so beautiful, in a dress and with long hair in her tower, and waited.
And the prince himself found one, rose up and got married. And about This there's not a word there.
And then these princesses wait half their lives for the prince to appear, throw himself at his feet, and somehow without this, otherwise it’s dirty.
That's why it's a fairy tale.
Well, yes, you can hit him with the heel for the rest of your life, “I want it like in a fairy tale!”, but... this is not at all constructive.
Threat. A! And get off those heels already! Buy ballet shoes, right?
Well, or sneakers. ;)
________
© Ekaterina Bezymyannaya
“Nobody loves me, I’m flawed, everyone has happiness in their personal life except me,” are absolutely acceptable words from a teenage girl. They are vulnerable to their own puberty and personal development, so they react quite sharply to every failure. But what to do if puberty is long behind you, and thoughts of hopeless loneliness still disturb your soul? It's time to understand the origins and find a solution to this problem!
Men don't like me: possible reasons
“I’m already 19 years old, and I’m still far from having relationships with the opposite sex, unlike my peers. All my friends dated different boys, starting at the age of 13, but no one ever wanted to meet me or build anything serious! I take care of myself, I’m smart, moderately thin, without physical defects, I dress brightly. I was an excellent student at school, but I also had free time! Unlike some of my girlfriends, I’m beautiful, but for some reason guys don’t like me anyway! Is this my fault? How can I fix this?"...
And there are a lot of such stories, they differ only in age category and wording of requests. Before moving on to possible reasons reasons why guys avoid girls, you need to realize that the concept of “loneliness” is purely individual for each person. Since girls are emotional and hypersensitive, they can ignore some significant situations, filtering out only minor moments, which, in their opinion, are the biggest disaster. “Nobody likes me because everyone but me got a Valentine's card, all the guys were busy slow dancing, no one ever asked me to the movies,” etc. If you think that no one likes you based on such snatched There are few circumstances to worry about. If the situation is more serious, read on.
Now let's take a closer look at why some girls don't like anyone from the opposite sex!
Appearance
Unfortunately, guys love with their eyes, so it is important for them that others like their choice. We will omit physical disabilities on purpose, since it is incorrect to consider this issue. There are individuals who see much deeper than the obvious, and there are people with poor souls. If on your way you have only met flawed guys for whom only the shell is important, believe me, your person will meet again. Today a little about something else.
No one really likes the ridiculous appearance girls. It's about both about grooming (dirty hair, sloppy nails, scary makeup, stale skin, bad breath), and about the ability to dress/make up. If you consider yourself a super creative and original person, others may have a different opinion. Guys are put off by incompatible mix of styles, excessive exposure, awkward high heels(platform), a huge amount of sparkles, rhinestones, etc. In makeup, they are irritated by black drawn eyebrows, blue shadows, colorful blush, a greasy layer foundation, pungent smell of perfume. Evaluate yourself from the outside!
Character traits
The “golden” mean in character is important, but if the balance is disturbed, no one may really like the person. Moreover, the trait itself can be quite positive! Representatives of the stronger sex do not like silent women (from whom they need to extract words for dialogue with pincers) and expressive ladies, whom it is difficult to listen to and talk to. Exactly the same thing is deterred by overly complex, modest girls who fall into a stupor in every situation and rude, cocky individuals with whom it is awkward to go out into society.
They are afraid of depressed whiners, narcissists, pathological jealousies, arrogant individuals of blue blood, rude people, hot-tempered boys, vain young ladies, etc. If you know deep down that you have a couple of these unpleasant qualities, it’s time to change it!
A guy should not be ashamed around his companion. Otherwise, no matter how beautiful the girl is, it is unlikely that anyone will like her.
Behavior
If a girl thinks that no one likes her, she needs to pay attention to her behavior; sometimes the root of the problem lies precisely there. If you are used to squeaking or talking in a whisper with your friends, openly discussing intimate fantasies, singing loudly on the way home from school, hugging and kissing expressively, it is better to refrain from this in front of a guy.
Men also don’t like self-confident, all-knowing ladies who are used to giving “valuable” advice (especially when the other person doesn’t need it) and interrupting everyone around them. Sweethearts are annoying in principle, but only a few would dare to choose such a person as a companion.
Attitude towards people
“I’m so kind, open, loving, why doesn’t anyone like me as a girl?” young people ask questions, at the same moment devaluing and calling those around them the last words. “Why do I get less attention than my ugly girlfriends?”, “All sorts of easily accessible bedding have already been met throughout the school, and I’m still lonely!”, “Even that fat girl has a friend who’s worse than me?” Do you get the gist of what was said? Well, a person who has a negative attitude towards people cannot be open to love. Guys are good at feeling anger, envy, emotional heaviness, and projected unfulfillment. This is what repels the opposite sex!
There are girls who perceive what is happening around them too “problematically”. Men really don't like people with a tragic perception of the world around them! “I’m a loser, I’m rarely lucky, this was the last chance in my life, I won’t be able to love anyone, from now on I’m closed to everyone, the world is unfair,” etc. It’s tiring.
Habits
Some women believe that “being their own” gives them a better chance of love, but they forget that guys choose girls of a different type for relationships.
Guys especially dislike the habit of being an annoying burdock. You want to hide from such girls, brush them off, run away!
If a girl is sad because no one likes her, psychologists advise sincerely answering some questions: “Do I like myself?”, “Why do I need a young man (acquaintance, relationship)?”, “What is love?”, “If someone does like me, how do I see this relationship?” Because sometimes girls are not chasing love itself, but rather status, the desire to be “like everyone else,” and self-affirmation. If this is the case, don’t bother yourself with nonsense, engage in self-realization, maybe in a couple of years they will hear about you as a promising designer! If this really bothers you, let's start working on the mistakes!
Understanding the root cause will help correct the situation. If a girl thinks that no one likes her because she is scary, she needs to make a motivational list of women with physical characteristics who have achieved a lot in life (built a career, got married successfully, have thousands of fans, gave birth to children). Have you seen Demi Moore, Julia Roberts, Vera Brezhneva? They were all called bespectacled, but they achieved the title of sex symbols. And what about fatties Kate Winslet, Gwen Stefani, Tara Reid? Go deeper with this question. Women become happy with a diagnosis of cerebral palsy, two-meter height, size 43 feet, pigmented skin, etc.
So advice number 1: love and accept yourself! If you strive for change, do it only for yourself. Know and show off your strengths, relegating shortcomings to the background, broaden your horizons, communicate with peers, and lead an active lifestyle. Change your gait: take a lighter step, straighter your back, more mobile your hips. Flutter, be light!
Increase your self-esteem, reconsider your attitude towards life if you want to be liked opposite sex. Stop seeing the negative in everything, learn to isolate the positive from every situation, hold back your tears, drive away depressive thoughts, start smiling at those around you. Get rid of envy, learn to accept advice, be happy for people. This is how positive thinking is formed.
In addition to the above tips, consider:
- stop generalizing: just because a certain guy doesn't like you doesn't mean "everyone";
- guys fall in love not with a girl, but with the fortune that she gives him;
- the opposite sex likes energetic young ladies, namely internal energy charges, nourishes, attracts.
If you have never known the feeling of love (for whatever reason), read Klaus J. Joel's book The Messenger. Perhaps you just don’t know how to open up to her...
Top tip: to be liked young man, stop identifying with others' acceptance or rejection. Many girls fall into this evaluation trap, but only a few are chosen in the end!
Useful video:
“I don’t think I’m ugly or stupid, but why don’t guys like me?...” - familiar thoughts? Girlfriends are flirting left and right, but you don’t have a boyfriend? You're all alone in the evenings... So, stop sitting and being sad! If guys don't pay attention to you, there's a reason for it. Now we’ll try to figure out what’s wrong with you. The most important quality that every attractive girl is endowed with is self-confidence. First of all, you should be satisfied with yourself, love yourself, have self-esteem (but not pride). Girls who are insecure and do not love themselves have no chance of male sympathy. It is clear that there are no ideal people, but accumulating complexes and engaging in self-flagellation is far from best option win men's hearts. To understand the reason for your unattractiveness, you need to answer the question: “What kind of girls do guys like?”, and only then, taking everything into account, try to improve. You'll see, you'll succeed! So, what kind of girls do guys usually pursue? Self-confidence is at the forefront of everything. What does it consist of?
Why guys don't like me: fixing it
- Appearance. A self-confident girl will not “plaster” herself with kilograms of cosmetics, but she will also not refuse to emphasize her natural beauty. In addition, a confident girl is not afraid to stand out from the crowd. She will choose stylish clothes that will highlight the beauty of her figure and hide flaws. A man, as they say, loves with his eyes. Beautiful hairstyle, stylish clothes, competent light makeup- and, voila! - you are at the epicenter of male attention!
- Smile. Even the most beautiful girl will scare away a guy if he walks the streets with an expression of worldly sorrow on his face. You don’t want to meet someone like this, but at best, feel sorry for her. A sincere smile indicates that the person is friendly, interesting and eager to communicate. And she makes her face much prettier.
- Sight. When wondering why guys don’t like me, you need to remember how I look... Your gaze should express interest in others, but at the same time be mysterious. Don't be afraid to shoot eyes at the guy you like. Just know that you're flirty female gaze- this is a whole art. He shouldn't look stupid and pretentious. It should express your self-confidence, coquetry, interest, sometimes even slight insolence and some challenge. The guy definitely won’t forget this look! Just practice first at home in front of a mirror :)
- Manners. A confident girl has an easy gait. She doesn't slouch, she looks straight into the eyes. Her movements are natural and not tense. A confident girl has a pleasant and clear voice. She has excellent command of it, so even with the help of intonation she can say more than with words. She has smooth movements, she sits down beautifully, stands up beautifully, offers her hand, etc.
- Femininity. When a girl in a group is a “good guy”, she is perceived as a friend. Guys are attracted to those creatures who are unlike them, next to whom they can feel like real men. Who is this? Feminine girl. Such a girl, firstly, watches her words and behavior. She will never allow herself to call out a guy rudely or go drink beer with her friends. And secondly, she has self-esteem. She will not allow anyone to humiliate herself, and at the same time, she will never humiliate herself. Even from one glance at her, it is clear that turning to her with an indecent proposal would be a shame. Such a girl will allow a guy to conquer her, and she will never hang herself around the neck of the first person she meets.
- The art of communication. It happens that a guy likes a girl, but as soon as it comes to conversation, he wants to run away from her. No guy likes stupid girls. There is no need to talk to him about purely feminine topics and cry into his vest. A confident girl is an interesting conversationalist, but an even more skillful listener. Guys love to tell girls about themselves. Show interest, ask him questions, offer non-standard situations for reflection, argue with him and agree. And most importantly, express your thoughts correctly. Choose not only words, but also intonation.
- Humor. Guys adore cheerful girls who have their own healthy sense of humor and sweet feminine laughter. Try to interest him with a joke, and not offend him.
- Understanding. A girl should be able to understand male psychology, at least the minimum. You can talk about it for hours, but the main thing you must learn now is to learn to understand him and accept his weaknesses. Don't criticize him, don't shout, don't demand. When a girl does this, she makes you want to make her legs faster. And if this is your usual behavior, it’s no wonder that your main question is: why don’t guys like me... A smart and confident girl will try to sort out the conflict peacefully. She will definitely talk calmly with the guy, listen to him and understand. At the same time, she admits that she is not satisfied. Believe me, such a girl has a much greater chance of fixing something in her relationship with a guy!
Well, these are the kind of girls that attract guys. If you draw a portrait of an antipodean, you will get an ugly, unkempt, stupid, narcissistic, rude, touchy, sad, selfish, uninteresting masculine girl. But you're not like that! Perhaps you have a couple of shortcomings that are preventing you from becoming popular among guys. So everything is in your hands! Put a little effort into correcting them, and then you won’t even notice how you will have fans.
“As far as I can remember, no one ever liked me, at first at school I felt that boys didn’t like me, then at college I wasn’t popular with guys, why is that? I’m not ugly, I dress, of course, not in the latest fashion, but not bad, and I can hold a conversation, what’s the matter?” Do you also have similar thoughts? Then you need to do something urgently, otherwise you won’t have to sit for long and spend your whole life alone. Maybe then go straight to the monastery, huh? Doesn't such a desire arise? Then we stop tormenting ourselves with questions like “Why don’t guys like me?” and “Which girls do guys not like, and which ones do they adore?” and let's start acting! The foundation on which a girl’s popularity with the opposite sex is based is her self-confidence. But now we’ll figure out how to achieve it.
Beauties can do anything!Do you think that only girls with regular facial features and perfect figure, and are you also sure that no one likes fat girls? First of all, what is the definition of “fat”? Plump, chubby, plump, just one way and no other way. And in general, all men are different, some need a model girl, while others are crazy about soft and cozy women. The main thing is to present your merits favorably. And if, as they say, you have everything to yourself, then you shouldn’t hide your beauty under baggy things. But clothes aren't everything. Imagine any universally recognized beauty with unwashed hair, disheveled hair, no makeup and broken nails. Horrible, isn't it? So why can’t you find half an hour for a manicure and put off visiting the hairdresser? Just be careful with makeup - tons of “plaster” will make you vulgar, not attractive. The key to beauty is well-groomed lips, expressive (properly emphasized) eyes and a healthy (not black-brown from a solarium) complexion. And most importantly, smile. A smile makes many faces so attractive that men cannot take their eyes off, and a little goodwill has never harmed anyone.
“And she herself is so majestic, she acts like a peahen...”What impression do you think makes of a girl who slouches, doesn’t make eye contact when talking, and whose gait resembles a kitten with broken paws? At most it is pity, and we do not need such an effect at all. Therefore, we urgently straighten up (you can even practice your gait at home with a book on your head). It’s also a good idea to work on your overall grace – stretching exercises and dancing will help with this.
It’s the same with the look - we train, we develop one so that a girl who is confident in her own attractiveness looks out of the mirror. And having acquired such a look and smooth movements, we do not hesitate to apply it in practice. The main thing is not to confuse femininity with mannerism and arrogance.
And, of course, we learn to speak in such a way as to be interesting to the interlocutor. We don’t make harsh criticism, especially at the first meeting, we show interest - we don’t stop the guy from talking about himself, etc.
Is emancipation evil?It's not so much about emancipation as it is about girls misunderstanding the meaning of this word. Independence, having your own opinion and the ability to defend it, thanks to erudition and education - all these are the benefits of emancipation that should not be abandoned. But there is no need to copy a man’s style of communication. If a guy doesn’t like a girl who behaves like a man, then this is not surprising. Guys simply don’t perceive them as people with whom they can build romantic relationships, 
The most you can hope for in such a situation is friendship. Do you think that letting a girl go ahead or helping carry heavy bags is not at all a man’s responsibility, and in every such case you prefer to handle it yourself? In the end, guys just need to feel their masculinity, which a smart girl will be happy to do.
It’s impossible to give an exact answer what kind of girls guys like - everyone has different tastes, but the main thing is that it should be natural. We are not ashamed to always be ourselves, and then the question is, “Why don’t guys like me?” will cease to be relevant.
