FOR PARENTS,

HAVING CHILDREN WITH PROBLEMS

IN THE EMOTIONAL AND PERSONAL SPHERE

(with behavioral and character difficulties)

Educational psychologist:

How to behave if a child exhibits

stubbornness, whims, disobedience.

1. As soon as the child begins to act up, hug him, assure him of your love and try to distract him from the whim.

2. If you fail to do this, leave him alone, do not pay attention to him, do not take part in this scene. Remain calm and indifferent, no matter what the child does.

3. If a child once managed to achieve his goal with the help of a whim, he will resort to this method more and more often.

4. When the child calms down, talk to him gently. Tell him

how upset you are by his behavior, express confidence that in the future he will behave better.

5. Children cannot control either their indignation or their feelings of guilt.

Therefore, you cannot show dissatisfaction after a hysteria, scold and reproach him, threaten him with punishment, but it is better to tell him that he has already punished himself enough, and show that, in spite of everything, you love him.

6. A child will be much more willing to accept instructions, advice and follow them if he is absolutely sure that he is loved. unconditional love, if he believes in a good attitude towards himself.

What to do if the child is negative

demonstrates behavior.

This behavior is caused by a violation of relationships with adults. Such children are characterized by demonstrativeness combined with the experience of a lack of attention, communication, and high grades.

The main thing is to notice the child precisely in those moments when he is unnoticed, when he does not perform any “tricks” - to reduce all comments to a minimum, and first of all, to minimize the emotionality of reactions to his behavior, since it is emotionality that the child seeks from adults with his antics.

The best way to avoid excessive aggressiveness in a child is to show

love for him. There is no child who, feeling loved, would be aggressive.

An aggressive reaction is a fight reaction. It consists of dissatisfaction, protest, and occurs when the child tries to change the state of things. Adults express annoyance, irritation, regret, impatience, and despair much more dramatically and convincingly than love, therefore, if a child sees adults who more or less regularly suppress him, he will certainly become angry and aggressive.

A child can show his aggression not necessarily towards the object of discontent, but towards people, animals, who are completely innocent and harmless. If a child has been overly spoiled or caressed for the first 3-4 years of life, then his mental development slows down, and then any change in attitude towards him causes aggressive actions.

Only one thing sweet Nothing can relieve the child's anger. He needs to feel accepted and loved, he needs to understand the reasons for protest and resistance and eliminate them. The need to relieve anxiety, which is facilitated by warm emotional atmosphere at home, since behind aggression there is a feeling of insecurity, a threat from the outside world.

It is very important to give vent to aggression. There are simple techniques for this: allow the child to furiously tear paper, cut plasticine, and perform harmless destructive actions that, in a fit of aggression, the child can do for a long time and with pleasure. After this, calming activities such as playing with sand (or semolina), water and/or relaxation.

If the child’s indignation is constantly suppressed, then it accumulates and often manifests itself only in mature age when it is impossible to get to the bottom of the cause, because aggressiveness is already spilling over into other forms.

Increased motor excitability in children

(hyperactivity).

If a child is excessively active, if his mood often changes, if he suffers from enuresis, bites his nails, sucks his thumb, sleeps poorly - all these are signs nervous tension. Reasons:

ü Unfavorable family environment, excessive demands, strictness, adherence to principles of parents or other adults, their rudeness or inconsistent behavior;

ü Rough obstetric procedures, birth trauma, early brain damage;

ü The reaction of children to prohibitions on running, climbing, jumping, turning into an anxious state, irritability, and ugly behavior.

Shouts, twitching, dissatisfaction and irritation of adults at such moments, attempts to calm the child have the exact opposite effect, since these are precisely the measures that make the child want to move even more. The best way is to urgently find some activity related to movement, a game that requires great physical effort, since the child is trying to relieve nervous tension with excessive mobility.

When dealing with such children, combine firmness and consistency with warmth and goodwill.

How to help a child if he is timid, anxious, uncommunicative.

Find any area of ​​real success, highlight as extremely significant and valued those activities in which the child is successful, can self-realize, assert himself, experience success and related positive emotions, regain lost faith in yourself.

Introduce the most gentle evaluation regime in areas of failure. Do not be annoyed by the slowness (such children are inhibited due to anxiety and timidity, which manifests itself in slow motor skills and mental reactions).

Don't do for your child what he can do himself. Involve him in games that develop movements, dexterity, dexterity, and reaction speed. Pay special attention to instilling independence and initiative in your child, since his activity is low and he tends to do what is suggested to him. For this purpose, use collective games, often inviting the child to play roles that require making some decisions, active verbal communication with other children ( for example, the role of a ship captain, doctor, etc.) Involve your child in private performances in front of children and adult audiences (poetry reading, roles in a play, dance games).

To develop large movements, strive to increase the child’s motor activity. At the same time, there is no need to involve him in participation in competitive sports activities: failures may scare him away from physical education. Physical exercises, comic and active games are useful.

Anxiety may be due to a lack of emotional support from others. Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to create at home an atmosphere of direct emotional communication, mutual understanding, trust, which will relieve the child’s feeling of anxiety in front of adults and children, and will allow him to freely express his own “I”. A lot depends on the parents: if the child is confident in their love and support, if home is a safe island for him, and the parents, regardless of his success, continue to believe in him, he will feel calmer with other people.

Why does a child show selfishness and greed?

Selfishness is usually associated with spoiled children. But this is far from the only reason. Not only spoiled children grow up selfish, but also children deprived of love and care. Cruelty or indifference towards a child leads to the fact that he develops a hostile, distrustful, defensive attitude towards people and the world around him: he withdraws into himself, grows anxious, aggressive, and difficult to communicate. The child will misconstrue the possession of things and become selfish when his self-confidence is threatened by the loss of parental love.

In re-educating selfish children, one must be guided by the “case history.” It's one thing - spoiled children, children-consumers. We need to teach them to consider other people and their needs, to cultivate kindness and responsiveness in them. Do not place your child in exclusive conditions, teach him to share everything he has, divide everything equally between all family members. A completely different matter is a child who is traumatized, anxious, bitter, deprived of affection and love. Such a child needs to open up a world of good relationships - love and respect; he needs to experience success and gain approval.

When adults add their time and themselves to a child’s collection of some things or toys, they will become the greatest value in this collection, while the meaning of other things will fade, and the child will gradually become more and more generous and less selfish.

All children need attention and love, just like the light and warmth of the sun for everything that lives and develops. But love should not be blind, it requires rationality, wisdom, which manifests itself in a combination of respect, kindness and exactingness, affection and severity.

If the child is telling a lie.

Children lie to:

ü make an impression and strengthen your own good show about yourself, to achieve praise or manifestations of love;

ü hide your guilt, avoid punishment;

ü express your hostility.

Children hate trap questions that force them to choose between lies and the bitter truth. If you know the answer, don't ask the question. Don't provoke new lies. Sometimes the very nature of the question forces the child to lie, and this deals an extra blow to his pride. It’s better to say that you know everything and explain to the child what should have been done instead of what he did.

Of all the ways to stop lies, the most useless is to try to intimidate children. A violent negative reaction to a child's lie will only increase his need to lie. He will feel even more insecure and will try even harder to find an opportunity to earn praise, avoid punishment, and reproaches. At the same time, his hostility will only increase due to the fact that he was treated rudely.

In addition, adults every now and then confuse the child’s ideas, resorting to the so-called “white lie.” The child understands that in some cases adults tell lies, and easily finds an excuse for himself when he lies.

How better baby will feel in the company of parents and educators; the more often he is encouraged for good deeds, the better idea he will have of himself and the less often he will have the need to tell a lie.

A few more tips, or a little about different things.

Do not rely on force in your relationship with your child. This will harden him and teach him that only force must be taken into account.

Don't make promises you can't keep. This will shake the child's faith in you.

Don't do for your child what he can do for himself. He may continue to use you as a servant.

Do not correct your child in the presence of strangers. If you tell him everything calmly, face to face, he will pay much more attention to your remark.

Do not lecture your child or nag him, otherwise he will be forced to defend himself by pretending to be deaf.

Strive for something your child likes to experiment with. This is how he experiences the world. The best way to foster responsibility and self-confidence is to give your child the opportunity to make his own decisions.

A child learns from his own experience, so he should not be protected from the consequences of his own mistakes.

Encourage your child's curiosity. If you try to get rid of him when he asks frank questions, the child will look elsewhere for the answer.

When your child talks to you, listen to him carefully, with understanding, without interrupting or turning away. Don't let him suspect that you are not interested in what he is talking about.

Don't ask too many questions or set too many rules for your child: he will stop paying attention to you.

Let the child give free rein to his fantasies. A vivid imagination is a gift inherent in childhood. Never suppress it!

The arrival of a baby in the family can cause a crisis in the life of the older child. Treat children equally. The older child needs to know that you love him no less.

A good way to stop a quarrel between people is to change the situation and distract them.

Don't compare your child with other children, love him for who he is. If you want to develop certain qualities in your child, treat him as if he already has them.

"Painful attachment to mother"

If a child is excessively attached to his mother, first of all, do not scold or punish him for this. Don’t try to convince your child that he is interfering with your life - he still won’t understand. The child is not capricious, but is just looking for protection.

Never act violently. Each mother's departure causes trauma to the child and aggravates his condition.

“Sudden departure” is also a rather controversial method. When the mother leaves unnoticed, it frightens the child even more, now not so much from the separation, but from its suddenness and inexplicability.

The main thing that a child suffering from this type of addiction needs is a sense of calm and a sense of security.

As general measures to combat manifestations of painful attachment to the mother, we can recommend: walks in nature, outdoor games fresh air– all this strengthens the nervous system and broadens one’s horizons.

We should not forget that a child needs to communicate with as many people as possible. a large number people. The longer he lives in a closed world (mom, dad, grandmother...), the more he will suffer from his complex.

Take your child to visit you more often, invite guests to your house. Rejoice in the manifestations of his independence, emphasize it and never focus on the manifestation of dependence.

In the fight against addiction, you should never act harshly. It will be much better and more productive to act in stages. For example, first you should teach your child to stay alone in the room. At the same time, he must know that the mother is close, for example in the kitchen.

After this, you can try to accustom the child to the short-term absence of the mother. To do this, choose a moment when the child is calm and in an excellent mood, when he is busy with something interesting. Without focusing his attention too much, casually tell him that you will be back soon. If your child begins to show signs of anxiety, distract him and then return to your request. Persuade him to “let you go for a minute,” while fixing the child’s attention on the fact that you will return very soon.

If the child's reaction is not too violent (signs of distress are acceptable, but strong crying and hysterics are excluded - in this case, you will have to wait a little before returning to trying to overcome his addiction), leave the apartment, close the door behind you and stay there no longer 5 minutes. When you return, caress the child and praise him for “letting go” of you, tell him that during this time you managed to do a very important thing. Be sure to fix his attention on the fact that you returned quickly, as promised. The experiment can be repeated the next day without increasing the time of your absence. Only after 5-7 days, when the child gradually begins to get used to your absence, the time should be gradually increased, but not more than 3 minutes. When your absence time increases to 15-20 minutes, you can bring your child something tasty or a toy from the store.

In this case, the baby will become interested in your absence, because he will expect you to bring something for him. But you should not reward your baby every day, otherwise he will get used to it and begin to demand it. Sooner or later you should stop praising a child for managing to remain without a mother for a while. Gradually lead your child to the idea that there is nothing special about what is happening. Other family members staying with the child during the mother's absence should make sure that during this time he is occupied with something interesting. The child must understand over time that in the absence of the mother he can feel no less comfortable and calm than in her presence.

In the recommendations you can find answers to the questions: “How to teach a child to manage his emotions?” "How to help your child and yourself overcome negative emotions?" “How to teach a child to control himself?” “What are the ways to express anger?

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Teach your child to manage his emotions

(from five years old)

You can clench your fists tightly, tense your arm muscles, then gradually relax, “letting go” of the negative.

You can imagine yourself as a lion! “He is handsome, calm, confident in his abilities, his head is raised proudly, his shoulders are straightened. His name is like you (the child), he has your eyes, your body. You are a lion!

Press your heels very, very hard onto the floor, your whole body, arms, legs are tense; the teeth are firmly connected. “You are a mighty tree, very strong, you have strong roots that go deep into the ground, no one is afraid of you. This is the pose of a confident person."

If your child starts to get angry, ask him to take a few slow breaths or count to 5-10.

Have you already realized that pushing emotions inside, trying to hide them, is very harmful?

The consequences of such actions are heart disease, neuroses, high blood pressure in older age, plus misunderstanding of others, high irritability, aggressiveness, and communication problems.

Therefore, teach your child and learn to show emotions yourself, to “throw them out” without harm to others.

Emotional release is necessary for maintaining health(physical and mental), and the ability to talk about your problems will help you establish contacts with others and understand yourself.

Learn to deal with anger.

Special techniques and exercises.

1. Make “faces” together with your baby in front of the mirror.Portray different emotions, pay special attention to the facial expressions of an angry person.

2. Draw together a prohibition STOP sign and agree that as soon as the child feels that he is starting to get very angry, he will immediately take out this sign and say out loud or to himself “Stop!” You can also try using this sign yourself.to control your anger.Using this technique requires training for several days for the skill to become established.

3. To teach your child to communicate calmly with people, play like this: pick up some attractive object (toy, book). The child’s task is to persuade you to give this item. You give away the item whenever you want. The game can then be complicated: the child asks only with the help of facial expressions, gestures, but without words. You can change places - you ask the child. After finishing the game, discuss how it is easier to ask, what techniques and actions influenced your decision to give the toy, discuss the feelings that the players experienced.

4. Teach your child (and yourself)express anger in an acceptable way.

Explain that it is imperative to talk through all negative situations with your parents or friends. Teach your child verbal forms of expressing anger and irritation (“I’m upset, this offended me”).

Offer to use"miracle things" for splashing out negative emotions:

– a cup (you can shout into it);

– a basin or bathtub with water (you can throw it in rubber toys);

– sheets of paper (they can be crushed, torn, thrown with force at a target on the wall);

– pencils (you can use them to draw an unpleasant situation, and then shade or crumple the drawing);

– plasticine (you can make a figurine of the offender from it, and then crush it or remake it);

– “Bobo” pillow(you can throw it, hit it, kick it).Provide a separate “discharge” pillow, you can sew eyes and a mouth to it; should not be used for this purpose soft toys and dolls, but a punching bag will do.

5. "Fast discharge" agentIf you see that the child is overexcited, “on the edge,” then ask him to quicklyrun, jump or sing a song (very loud).

6. Game “Name-calling”.

To eliminate offensive words from everyday communication, call me names! When throwing a ball or ball to each other, call them harmless names. These could be the names of fruits, flowers, vegetables. For example: “You are a dandelion!”, “And then you are a melon!” And so on until the flow of words dries up.

How does this game help? If you get angry with a child, want to “teach him a lesson”, remember the funny “name-calling”, perhaps even name the child, he will not be offended, and you will get emotional release. When, having the skill of such a game, the child calls the offender “cucumber” (and not...), you will undoubtedly feel satisfaction.

All these “miracle things” can be used by adults too!

How to help your child and yourself overcome

negative emotions?

How to teach a child self-control?

Many adults, not to mention children, cannot describe what is going on in their souls, what they are dissatisfied with. But if a person knows how to assess his state of mind, it will be easier for both those around him and himself.

Try the following exercises to develop your ability to understand yourself.

(You can do them with your child too).

Tell your child: “Listen to yourself. If your mood could be colored, what color would it be? What animal or plant does your mood resemble? What color is joy, sadness, anxiety, fear?” You can keep a “mood diary”. In it, the child will draw his mood every day (or several times a day). These could be faces, landscapes, people, whatever he likes best.

Draw the outline of a man. Now let the child imagine that the little man is happy, let him shade with a pencil the place where, in his opinion, this feeling is located in the body. Then also “feel” the resentment, anger, fear, happiness, anxiety, etc. For each emotion, the child must choose his own color. You can sketch one person or different ones (for example, if the baby wants to place happiness and joy in one place).

- Discuss ways to express anger with your child.

Let him (and you yourself) try to answer the questions:

1. What can make you angry?

2. How do you behave when you're angry?

3. How do you feel when you are angry?

4. What will you do to avoid trouble at these moments?

5. Name the words that people say when they are angry.

6. And if you hear words that are offensive to yourself, what do you feel, what do you do?

7. What words are the most offensive to you?

It is advisable to write down the answers so that you can discuss them with your child later.

For example, what words can be used when angry, and what words should not be used, because... they are too harsh and unpleasant.

Frank conversation or how to tell your child about the most difficult things.

Children ask their parents different questions. At first - simple ones, mainly satisfying cognitive needs, later children begin to be interested in problems of relationships in the family, and finally, questions related to the study of themselves and their characteristics. It’s quite difficult for some parents in this situation: the child’s complex questions cause a lot of mixed feelings in them, the parents are faced with a choice: answer honestly or deceive, switch the child’s attention to something more positive, change the topic. However, it is important to understand that by avoiding painful conversations or dishonest answers to difficult questions, the child’s problems do not disappear, but, on the contrary, accumulate; questions to which he does not receive an answer bother him more and more. Frank conversation with parents and others significant people will help the child eliminate uncertainty, accept himself as he is, discover his capabilities and rely on them. It is often difficult for parents to start such a conversation; they can and want to answer the child’s questions honestly, but do not know how best to do this. Let's look at children's "difficult questions" and think about how best to tell a child about what is really bothering him.
Mom, why am I not like everyone else?
You know, all people are different. Each person is unique and inimitable. But you're right: you have a disease that makes you different from most people. This is no one's fault. This is how the circumstances developed. This may cause you some difficulties, but if you have confidence in yourself, you will be able to overcome them. I believe in you.
Will I ever get well?
You know, the body's capabilities are inexhaustible. Sometimes we don’t even realize how huge they are. Someday a miracle may happen and you will recover. We all believe in this and really want this to happen. But it may also happen that you will never become like healthy people. No one knows what will happen in reality. The interesting thing about life is that nothing can be predicted in advance. The main thing is to accept yourself as you are, respect and love yourself, believe in yourself. It's not easy and you have to learn it. We love you and you are dear to us, just as you are.
Mom, why doesn’t dad live with us?
You know, a moment came in our lives when we realized that it was difficult for us to live together and it would be better if we lived separately. I was very hurt and sad, I worried a lot about it. Unfortunately, love between a man and a woman does not always last a lifetime. This can happen in every family. Dad may have another family and other children, but he remembers that you are in his life. You have the right to be angry and offended by him, but it is his choice. You will be able to meet and communicate sometimes. I will try to do everything in my power to make you feel comfortable in this situation.
Mom, why do they tease me?
What should I do? You know, it's really difficult to determine the reasons for other people's actions. Maybe someone is offending them too, and it’s easier for them to “get even” on someone who is less powerful than to hit back at the offender. Or it may be that they are very angry with someone, but are not yet ready to show their feelings to that person, and “take it out” on those who are weaker. Either way, they are doing the wrong thing. It’s not your fault that you have characteristics and you don’t deserve to have people take it out on you. You can tell them how hurt and hurt you are, that you are angry with them for this. It takes a lot of courage to say something like that, and maybe people will respect you for it. But if you are not yet ready to respond to offenders, you need to learn to express the anger that arises so that it does not accumulate inside. To do this, you can beat a pillow, tear paper, play snowballs. I am ready to support you, I love you.
When I grow up, will I have children?
Nobody knows this now. It is difficult to predict what lies ahead. Having children is an event that involves two people. Much depends on what your life partner will be like, how your relationships will develop, and your living conditions. But if you really want and believe something, there is a high probability that everything will be exactly the way you want. I will be very happy if all your wishes come true.
Of course, these answers are not the only possible and correct option. Your parental intuition and love for your child will help answer any of his questions if you are ready to be honest and frank with Him.

Aggressive child
Aggression, unfortunately, surrounds us and our children. Aggression in human behavior may be defensive, often “aggressive” refers to children who are “uncomfortable” and have problems communicating with peers and with adults. Why does a child become aggressive, are the reasons for such behavior always external factors, what should parents do in this case, how can they help?

Signs of aggression:
– the child is hot-tempered, rebellious, unpredictable, self-confident, insufficiently attentive to the feelings of others, impudent, and displays negativism.
Reasons aggressive behavior:
Violations of the emotional-volitional sphere:
– the child’s inability to control his behavior;
– insufficient assimilation by the child of social norms of behavior and communication.
Dysfunctional family environment:
– alienation, constant quarrels, stress;
– there is no unity of requirements for the child;
– the child is presented with too severe or weak demands;
– physical (especially cruel) punishment;
– antisocial behavior of parents;
– poor living conditions, financial difficulties;
Learning difficulties.
Psychological climate in an educational institution.

Tips for parents

Organize the system of requirements, monitor your actions, showing your child a personal (positive) example.
Maintain discipline and follow the established rules.
Use your own example to teach your child self-control.
Let your child understand that you love him for who he is.
Direct his energy in a positive direction (for example, sports, where the child can learn to control emotions, manage his behavior (martial arts, boxing, wushu), drawing, singing).
When presenting your demands to your child, take into account his capabilities, not your desires.
Ignore mild manifestations of aggressiveness, do not focus the attention of others on them.
Include your child in joint activities, emphasize its importance in the task at hand.
Establish a strict ban on the manifestation of aggression in cases where aggression, not being a defensive reaction, serves as a kind of “entertainment” for the child.
Teach your child to feel sorry. He must understand that his behavior causes grief and causes suffering to loved ones.
Never make your child forget that he is kind. For example, tell him: “Why are you doing this, because you are good, kind!”
Practice emotional rewards for acts of kindness. In this case, the child will quickly be able to outgrow “natural age-related aggressiveness” and learn to be humane and kind.
If a child has a need to throw out aggressive emotions, he is given such an opportunity in the game. You can offer him the following games: fight with a pillow; tear paper; using the “shouting glass”, express your negative emotions; beat a chair with an inflatable hammer; sing your favorite song loudly; pour water into the bath, throw several plastic toys into it and bomb them with a ball; run several laps around the house or along the corridor; throw the ball against the wall; arrange a competition “Who will shout louder”, “Who will jump higher”, “Who will run faster”.
If possible, restrain the child’s aggressive impulses immediately before they manifest themselves, stop the hand raised to strike, and shout out to the child.
Teach your child to express his negative emotions in a socially acceptable way. At the first stage, invite the child to transfer his anger from a living object to an inanimate one (For example: “If you want to hit, it’s better not to hit me, but to hit the chair”), and then teach the child to express his feelings and experiences in verbal form.

Remember that you need to fight aggressiveness with patience, explanation, and encouragement.
There are several steps to overcome aggressive behavior in a child.
Step 1 – stimulation of humane feelings:
– stimulate in aggressive children the ability to admit their own mistakes, experience feelings of awkwardness, and guilt for aggressive behavior;
– teach him not to shift his blame onto others;
– develop in your child a sense of empathy, compassion for others, peers, adults and the living world.
For example:
“Misha, don’t you really feel sorry for the other children?”
“If you don’t feel sorry for others, then no one will feel sorry for you.”
Ask your child why the offended child is crying.
Offer to make peace with the offended child (“Make peace, make peace and don’t fight anymore...”)
Step 2 – orientation to emotional state another.
Strive to draw attention to the state of another, without expressing an evaluative attitude towards what happened.
For example:
“Do you feel like a winner now?”, “Who is feeling bad now, do you think?”
If an aggressive child witnessed how Lena was offended, then the adult suggests to him: “Let's take pity on Lena!”
“Do you think it’s just you or someone else who feels bad now?”, “Are you sad now?”, “Are you angry?”, “Do you feel tired and don’t want to talk to anyone?”
Step 3 – awareness of aggressive and insecure behavior or condition:
– help an aggressive child adequately assess the emotional state of the child victim, and not just his own;
- try to understand the nature of aggressiveness - defensive or more similar to cruelty without sympathy for the offended;
– stimulate awareness of the characteristics of hot-tempered and insecure behavior in children;
– strive to put the aggressive child in the place of the victim child;
– talk to you more often aggressive child about the palette of his own emotional states;
– ask him more often about options for getting out of a conflict situation;
– explain what other non-aggressive ways he can assert himself;
– tell us what an outburst of anger is and what it means to “control” your own aggression, and why this needs to be done.
– ask your child in what cases he most often becomes angry and loses control over himself;
– explain to the child why it is necessary and what it means to “control” one’s own aggression.
For example:
You hit Vera because... and why?
The adult says: “Now I’ll take a piece of paper and make an angry face. It's a wolf! Dima, take a rubber band and draw an evil (or kind) face from the wolf! Why do you think the wolf has an angry face?”
These questions can also be addressed to a child victim of oppression. “Why do you think Igor offended you? And why?"

Strategies for correcting aggressive behavior in children

Strategy for responding to aggressive behavior:
– help your child express negative emotional states not with anger and hostility, but with other emotions and behavior;
– learn to express anger in an acceptable form;
– teach an aggressive child to speak in words about what he likes or doesn’t like;
– teach your child to express aggression with words rather than physical aggression;
- try to use your sense of humor and explain to a child prone to aggression the following: “If someone barks at you, then you don’t need to bark (react) back.”
State switching strategy:
– stimulate positive emotions in the child in order to switch from an aggressive state to another. Use novelty, unusualness, and surprise of playful and non-playful behavior and actions with objects to switch the child to non-aggressive behavior.
Strategy for preventing aggressive conditions:
– in a child: do not label an aggressive child: angry, bully, brawler, mischievous and more offensive;
– for an adult: remember that you have many ways to change behavior.

Games for aggressive children

Sparrow fights
Children choose a pair and turn into pugnacious “sparrows” (they squat, clasping their knees with their hands). The “sparrows” jump sideways towards each other and jostle. Whichever child falls or removes his hands from his knees is eliminated from the game (the “wings” and paws are treated by Dr. Aibolit). “Fights” begin and end at a signal from an adult.
A minute of pranks (psychological relief).
The presenter, at a signal (strumming a tambourine, etc.), invites the children to play pranks: everyone does what he wants - jumps, runs, somersaults, etc. The leader’s repeated signal after 1-3 minutes announces the end of the pranks.
Good - evil cats(removal of general aggression).
Children are asked to form a large circle with a hoop in the center. This is a “magic circle” in which “transformations” will take place. The child goes inside the hoop and, at the leader’s signal (clap of hands, sound of a bell, sound of a whistle), turns into a feisty, despising cat: hissing and scratching. At the same time, you cannot leave the “magic circle”. Children standing around the hoop repeat in chorus after the leader: “Stronger, stronger, stronger...”, and the child pretending to be a cat makes increasingly “evil” movements. At the leader’s repeated signal, the “transformations” end, after which another child enters the hoop and the game is repeated. When all the children have been in the “magic circle”, the hoop is removed, the children are divided into pairs and again turn into angry cats at the adult’s signal. (If someone does not have enough pairs, then the host himself can participate in the game.) A categorical rule: do not touch each other! If it is violated, the game stops immediately, the presenter shows an example of possible actions, and then continues the game. Upon a second signal, the cats stop and can exchange pairs. At the final stage of the game, the host invites the “evil cats” to become kind and affectionate. At a signal, children turn into kind cats that cuddle each other.
Karateka(removal of physical aggression).
Children form a circle, in the center of which lies a hoop - a “magic circle”. In the “magic circle” the child is “transformed” into a karateka (moving his legs). Children standing around the hoop, together with the leading choir, say: “Stronger, stronger, stronger...”, helping the player to throw out aggressive energy with the most intense actions.
Boxer(removal of physical aggression).
This is a variation of the game “Karateka”, and it is played in the same way, but actions in the hoop can only be performed with your hands. Fast, strong movements are encouraged.
Stubborn (capricious) child (overcoming stubbornness, negativism).
Children entering the circle (hoop) take turns showing the capricious child. Everyone helps with the words: “Stronger, stronger, stronger...”. Then the children are divided into pairs “parent and child”: the child is capricious, the parent persuades him to calm down. Each player must play the role of a capricious child and a persuading parent.
Stubborn pillow (removing general aggression, negativism, stubbornness).
Adults prepare a “magical, stubborn pillow” (in a dark pillowcase) and introduce the child to a fairy tale game: “The fairy sorceress gave us a pillow. This pillow is not simple, but magical. Childish stubbornness lives inside her. It is they who make you capricious and stubborn. Let's drive away the stubborn ones." The child punches the pillow with all his might, and the adult says: “Harder, stronger, stronger!” When the child's movements become slower, the game gradually stops. An adult suggests listening to the “stubborn ones in the pillow: “Are all the stubborn ones out and what are they doing?” The child puts his ear to the pillow and listens. “The stubborn ones are scared and are silent in the pillow,” the adult answers (this technique calms the child after excitement).
Clowns are fighting(removal of verbal aggression).
The presenter says: “The clowns showed the children a show, made them laugh, and then began to teach the children to swear. Angrily swearing at each other with vegetables and fruits.” Attention is drawn to adequate, angry intonation. Children can choose pairs, change partners, “scold” together, or take turns “scold” all the children. An adult directs the game, announces the beginning and end of the game with a signal, and stops it if other words or physical aggression are used. Then the game continues, changing the emotional mood of the children. The presenter says: “When clowns taught children to swear, parents didn’t like it.” The clowns, continuing the game, teach children not only to swear with vegetables and fruits, but also to affectionately call each other flowers. Intonation must be adequate. The children again break into pairs and affectionately call each other flowers.
“Zhuzha” (removal of general collective aggression).
The presenter chooses “Zhuzhu”, who sits on a chair (in the house), the rest of the children begin to tease “Zhuzhu”, making faces in front of her.
“Zhuzha, zhuzha, come out,
Zhuzha, Zhuzha, catch up!”
“Zhuzha” looks out of the window of her house and shows her fists. stomps his feet out of anger, and when the children go beyond the “magic line”, he runs out and catches the children. Whoever “Zhuzha” catches is eliminated from the game (he is captured by “Zhuzha”).
Little ghost (learning to express pent-up anger in an acceptable form).
The presenter says: “We’ll play good little ghosts. We wanted to misbehave a little and scare each other a little. When I clap, you will make this movement with your hands (the adult raises his arms bent at the elbows, fingers spread out) and pronounce the sound “U” in a scary voice; if I clap loudly, you will scare loudly. But remember that we are kind ghosts and only want to joke.” The adult claps his hands. At the end of the game, the ghosts turn into children.
"Kicking."
The child lies on his back on the carpet. Legs spread freely. Slowly he begins to kick, touching the floor with his entire leg. The legs alternate and rise high. The strength and speed of kicking gradually increases. For each kick, the child says “No,” increasing the intensity of the kick.
Bobo doll.
When a child manages to throw out the accumulated energy, he becomes calm and balanced. This means that if you let the child take out aggression on some object, some of the problems associated with his behavior will be solved. For this purpose, a special “Bobo” doll is used. You can make it yourself, for example from a pillow: sew arms and legs made of fabric to an old pillow, make a “face” - and the doll is ready. You can make it denser. To do this, sew an oblong-shaped cover, attach “handles”, “legs” and “face” to it, stuff it tightly with cotton wool or sand and sew it up. A child can calmly hit and kick such a doll, venting on it the negative feelings that have accumulated during the day. Having painlessly expressed his aggression, the child becomes calmer in everyday life. Important! Do not use for these purposes finished toy, depicting an animal, a baby - “Bobo” d.b. a little impersonal.
Fight.
“Imagine that you and a friend had a fight. A fight is about to start. Take a deep breath, clench your teeth very tightly, clench your fists as tightly as possible, press your fingers into your palms until it hurts, hold your breath for a few seconds. Think about it: maybe it’s not worth fighting? Exhale and relax. Hooray! The troubles are over! Shake your hands. Did you feel relieved?
“Go away, anger, go away!”
The players lie down on the carpet in a circle. There are pillows between them. Closing their eyes, they begin to kick the floor with all their might and kick the pillows with their hands, shouting: “Go away, anger, go away!” The exercise lasts 3 minutes, then the participants, at the command of an adult, lie down in the “star” position, arms and legs spread wide, and lie quietly, listening to calm music for 3 minutes.

This requires two conditions.

1. Parents are able and willing to listen.

With sympathy, they try to tune in to the wave of the child’s emotions.

Any person, including a child, is in dire need of empathy in those moments when he is under the pressure of negative emotions. We need someone who can empathize without trying to judge or even analyze what is happening to us. Expressing understanding and sympathy is one of the highest manifestations of parental love. This ability to listen is a kind of magic button that leads to calm and peace of the child, and, as a result, to his desire to cooperate.

2. Parents know how to experience their own negative emotions.

We cannot truly help others get rid of negative emotions if we ourselves are disposed to experience only positive emotions (according to our philosophy of life, for example). If we are filled with negative emotions and don’t know how to get rid of them, then even with all the desire and understanding of the importance of listening to loved ones (husband, wife, child), we are unable to do this, and the process of communication itself turns into torture. Because it is very difficult to pour garbage into a container from which everything is already spilling over the edge and the lid does not close.

The ability to voluntarily experience negative emotions is not a manifestation of some kind of masochism, as many may think. This ability makes it possible to cleanse yourself of them. In order to later become a container (yes, alas, no matter how bitter it may sound) for the negative emotions of those people who are under our care. And the first in line for this are our children.

Where do a child's negative emotions come from?

There are a thousand reasons why we may not get what we want in this world. There are 6 billion people on the planet and billions of other living beings who also have their own desires. And when our desires contradict the desires of others, we inevitably experience some of the negative emotions (resentment, anger, grief, shame).

Even just from observing some external objects, attachment to them can appear. In our minds, we begin to consider it real and accessible. In the same way, if a child sees something that shines, blinks or makes some sounds, then a picture is drawn in his mind of how he plays with it. But when he reaches out his hand, the reality is that it is not intended for his game, because it is either his parents' electronic key, or a cell phone, or something dangerous, etc.

Two ways to help your child cope with negative emotions

1. The principle of “Five seconds of silence.”

If a child does not get what he wants, there is no need to prevent him from experiencing the grief of loss. There is no need to devalue his feelings, forbid him to show them, reproach, scold, persuade, or give advice. read morals, appeal to a philosophical understanding of life, try to amuse or distract. The child does not need this false inspiration; it will not help him truly calm down and survive the trouble.

Children have more pronounced emotions. They have virtually no control over them. Even adults cannot always control them. To a child, everything seems more tragic and extended in time (one might even say endless) than to adults, who understand the limits of the problem and cannot appreciate the strength of the child’s grief. That's why best way support in this case - believe. Believe that the child has serious reasons to feel this way. Even if we, adults, with developed logical thinking, with the power of reason, with philosophical attitudes, they seem like trifles.

But there is no need to try too hard to “settle” everything, to give, to satisfy, since the child’s mood will become dependent on “giving” and “settling.” There will not always be situations where we can “give” or “settle.” In the end, one day we will no longer be with the child, and he will find himself in a very difficult situation.

Parents who constantly “give” and “settle” deprive the child of the opportunity to have the strength to survive negative emotions in order to look optimistically at the shadow sides of life, find new solutions, and in some cases, calmly accept them as a given of their fate. Learning to cope with loss and failure is an important skill for success in life. One of the secrets to success in life is the ability to survive loss and failure.

It’s easy to overcome negative emotions a few minutes of sympathy, understanding, support. It helps to switch to this wave of sympathy principle of “Five seconds of silence”.

So, when you see that your child is worried about something, pause for 5 seconds, and then try to say something like the following:

Instead of “It’s okay, it’ll heal before the wedding” (devaluation of feelings) - “I know you’re hurt. Come here, I'll feel sorry for you. Come to me"

Instead of “Don’t cry!” (prohibition) - “I understand. You're disappointed"

Instead of “Don’t worry” (advice) - “Yes, it’s not easy. I know how worried you are."

Instead of “Well, it’ll work out next time” - “If this happened to me, I would also be very upset.”

Instead of “Nothing, everything will be fine tomorrow” (persuasion) - “I understand it’s hard for you. I would also be very sad if this happened to me.”

Instead of “You can’t win everyone” (moral instruction) - “I understand, you’re offended. I would also be very upset."

Instead of “Well, what can you do – this is life!” (appeal to a philosophical understanding of life) - “You are absolutely right to be angry. I would be angry too."

Instead of “It could have been worse” - “I see you’re scared. I would be afraid too."

Then there can be two scenarios. The first is that the child’s mood improves. Secondly, the child’s mood worsens and he continues to talk about his negative emotions, which usually frightens parents. But this does not mean that the principle does not work, or that you misunderstood it. Simply with your support, you opened the “tap” of the child’s negative emotions and gave an outlet to their flow.

That is, a kind of “starting shot” occurs: the child feels safe (near loving person, ready to sympathize with any of his emotions), and in order to free himself from the negative emotions weighing him down, he begins to show them even more. Yes, it scares parents. But after some time, when the process is over, the child’s mood still improves. This process occurs on its own, without any punishments, reproaches for being spoiled or threats of punishment, without the need to switch attention, persuade or otherwise suppress negative emotions.

R. Narushevich, from the lecture “How can they cope with their “crazy”?”

1. Tell your son or daughter: “People should feel at ease with you.” Don't be afraid to repeat it.

2. When you scold a child, do not use expressions: “You always”, “You in general”, “You always”. Your child is generally and always good, he just did something wrong today, tell him about it.

3. Do not part with your child in a quarrel, first make peace, and then go about your business.

4. Try to keep the child attached to the house; when returning home, do not forget to say: “But still, how nice it is at home.”

5. Instill in your child a well-known formula mental health: “You are good, but not better than others.”

6. Our conversations with children are often poor, so read aloud with your children every day (even with a teenager) good book, this will greatly enrich your spiritual communication.

7. When arguing with your child, give in at least sometimes, so that they don’t feel like they are always in the wrong. This will teach you and your children to give in, admit mistakes and defeats.

I would like to dwell on the recommendations that must be followed at the preparation stage so as not to discourage the child from learning.

Avoid excessive demands. Don’t ask your child everything at once. Your requirements must correspond to the level of development of his skills and cognitive abilities. Do not forget that such important and necessary qualities as diligence, accuracy, and responsibility are not formed immediately. The child is still learning to manage himself, organize his activities and really needs support, understanding and approval from adults. The task of fathers and mothers is to be patient and help the child.

The right to make a mistake. It is important that the child is not afraid to make mistakes. If something doesn’t work out for him, don’t scold him. Otherwise, he will be afraid to make mistakes and will believe that he can’t do anything. Even as an adult, when he learns something new, he doesn’t succeed in everything right away. If you notice a mistake, draw the child’s attention to it and offer to correct it. And be sure to praise. Praise for every tiny success.

Don't think for the child. When helping your child complete a task, do not interfere with everything he does. Otherwise, the child will begin to think that he is not able to cope with the task on his own. Don’t think or decide for him, otherwise he will very quickly understand that he has no need to study, his parents will still help solve everything.

Don't miss the first difficulties. Pay attention to any difficulties your child has and contact specialists as needed. If your child has health problems, be sure to get treatment, as future academic loads can significantly worsen the child’s condition. If something bothers you in your behavior, do not hesitate to seek help and advice from a psychologist. If your child has speech problems, see a speech therapist.

Have holidays. Be sure to have small celebrations. It’s not at all difficult to come up with a reason for this. Rejoice in his success. May you and your child be in a good mood.

Children with choleric temperament:

· They are active, quickly get down to business and bring it to the end.

· They love mass games and competitions, often organize them themselves.

· They are active in the lesson and easily get involved in the work.

· They find it difficult to perform activities that require smooth movements, a slow and calm pace.

· They show impatience, abrupt movements, impetuosity, so he can make a lot of mistakes, write letters unevenly, not complete words, etc.

· Unrestrained, hot-tempered, incapable of self-control in emotional circumstances.

· Touchy and angry, states of resentment and anger can be persistent and long-lasting.

· Develop in the child the ability to inhibit himself and unwanted reactions.

· We must constantly and persistently demand calm and thoughtful answers, calm and unsharp movements.

· Cultivate restraint in behavior and relationships with friends and adults.

· IN labor activity cultivate consistency, accuracy and order in work.

· Encourage initiative.

· Speak in an emphatically calm, quiet voice.

Activities and hobbies.

The main thing is to turn this frantic energy in the right direction. Cholerics are especially recommended to engage in active sports - this will give an outlet to the desire for leadership, training will teach them to control their movements and calculate their strength. A choleric person needs a lot of living space, spend more time with him in nature and do not forget that, left to his own devices, a fearless choleric person can easily get into an unpleasant adventure. It's better to explore unfamiliar places with him.

To compensate for excessive haste and inattention, help him realize that quality is often much more important than speed. Your motto is less is more! To strengthen the inhibitory processes, engage in designing, drawing, manual labor, handicrafts. Remember that you will have to constantly ensure that he checks his work and completes it to the end. Try not to get irritated if he is distracted, and encourage any display of diligence and patience in every possible way. Teach him to first pronounce out loud, then to himself, the stages of work and follow his plan.

Communication.

It is especially important to teach him to establish relationships in a team - you cannot be with him all the time. Encourage your child to analyze his behavior, sort out conflict situations with him, discuss books and films, talk through options for correct behavior.

Self-control will be helped by simple counting to yourself, and breathing exercises. Show him a way to release accumulated emotions - let him hit a punching bag, throw a pillow into a corner: anything is better than taking out his anger in public.

His desire to be first can also be used for peaceful purposes. Give him the role of an explainer, a teacher, and you will have a good chance, playing on the leader’s pride, to teach him to be more patient and attentive. Just don’t let it happen - constantly emphasize that an adult, experienced person knows how to control his emotions and take into account the interests of other people.

A choleric child loves to read about heroic deeds and adventures - admire the endurance, patience and foresight of his favorite characters, buy books where heroes win precisely through willpower and the ability to get along with people around them. Under no circumstances should you shame him in front of everyone, don’t use “good boy Vasya” as an example, this will only cause anger.

Do you recognize your child in this description? Then be patient and try to understand that the choleric person himself would be glad to learn to control himself - help him.

Sanguine children

· They are distinguished by great liveliness.

· They are always ready to take part in any task and often take on many things at once.

· They can quickly lose interest in the work they have started.

· They take an ardent part in games, but during the game they tend to constantly change their role.

· They can easily get offended and cry, but they quickly forget the grievances.

· Tears quickly give way to a smile or laughter.

· Emotional experiences are often shallow.

· Mobility often results in a lack of proper concentration, haste, and sometimes superficiality.

· Cultivate perseverance, sustainable interests, more serious attitude to any matter.

· Learn to be responsible for your promises

· Let them feel the benefits of fidelity in friendship and sympathy.

Recommendations for teachers and parents: activities and hobbies. Sanguine people also need an active lifestyle, but in sports they will not strive much for results. They are interested in the process itself, find him a good, friendly coach and don’t try to make him a professional athlete against his wishes. Parents should place the main emphasis in classes on the ability to focus on the work being done and bring it to the end. Construction sets, puzzles, crafts, model building and other games that require attention and care will help develop composure and accuracy. You can be demanding with sanguine people and, of course, you shouldn’t go too far. You may well ask him to redo the work and evaluate the result yourself.

You should not support a sanguine person in his desire to frequently change activities. Help him explore more deeply the subject he has taken up. Usually, it is important to help such children overcome the threshold of the next difficulties, and they will get to work with renewed vigor. If this is not done, the child will continue to give up his next hobby as soon as it requires unusual efforts from him.

It is very important to encourage the perseverance of such children, diligence and determination and gradually raise the bar of requirements, achieving sustainability and effectiveness.

Don’t let him miss classes too often if he attends a club, make sure that he doesn’t forget about the “little things” in the work, point out to him how sloppy and unreliable his product looks if it is made without observing the “unnecessary”, in your opinion child, rules, patiently teach him to complete his homework or drawing. And, of course, praise him, rejoice at his successes, be surprised at the results and tell him how interesting it will be later, when he makes even more progress in his studies.

Communication. Discuss with your child his relationships with peers and loved ones, encourage him to think about what in his behavior can offend or please others. Try to interest him in the theater club.

Is your child just that “sunshine”? Then forgive him for his inconstancy - this is not a vice, but a feature of his temperament. Help him correct his character, and he will grow up to be a reliable, stress-resistant, sociable and successful person.

Children of phlegmatic temperament

· Feelings are poorly expressed.

· Calm and even behavior.

· Uncommunicative, do not touch or offend anyone.

· If they are called to a quarrel, they usually try to avoid it.

· Not prone to active and noisy games.

· They are not touchy and usually not inclined to have fun.

· Help them overcome some laziness.

· Develop greater mobility and sociability.

· Do not allow them to show indifference to activities, lethargy, or inertia.

· Make them work more often in class.

· Call them emotional attitude to what they and their comrades do.

Activities and hobbies. Don’t be afraid to trust your child; he is responsible and thorough enough to complete the assigned task. Your motto should be the well-known folk saying - the quieter you drive, the further you will go. True, from time to time you disturb the excessively slow phlegmatic person so that he does not completely fall asleep. Tell him interesting news from the world around him, develop creative thinking drawing, music, chess. He may be interested in those sports that do not require quick reactions.

Communication.It is extremely important to teach him to understand the feelings and emotions of other people. Discuss with him the motives for the actions of his peers, relatives or favorite heroes. When discussing, try to let him talk more, and not you, help him form his opinion and defend it, otherwise he will behave stereotypically, adapting to the behavior of others and borrowing their point of view.

On the other hand, if you don’t show a phlegmatic person in time that there are people with different views on life, he will try to ensure that those around him methodically follow all the rules that he has set for himself. A stubborn bore is what you risk raising if you don't teach him tolerance. Such a “black sheep” may not be upset if most of his peers do not communicate with him. The phlegmatic will calmly classify those who do not want to live as he does into the category of “wrong” people, and will not worry about the lack of attention to his person. Therefore, other people often more problems with a phlegmatic person than a phlegmatic person with them. Help him learn to understand and accept views that differ from his own.

Children with a melancholic temperament

· They behave quietly and modestly, and are often embarrassed when people approach them with questions.

· They are not easily amused or offended, but the resulting feeling of resentment lasts a long time.

· They do not immediately get down to work or get involved in the game, but if they take up any task, they show constancy and stability in this.

· Gentleness, tactfulness, sensitivity and goodwill in relations with these children.

· During lessons, ask questions more often, creating a calm environment while answering.

· Approval, praise, and encouragement play a big role, which helps strengthen self-confidence.

· When developing performance, remember that these guys quickly overwork.

· Develop sociability.

Activities and hobbies. A melancholic person has difficulty joining in group games, but, having managed to overcome himself, he enjoys having fun with everyone. Help him get involved in the game, teach him how to get acquainted, rehearse the first phrases with which he will approach unfamiliar peers. Reassure him that failure does not make him worse than others. Your motto when communicating with a melancholic person is “People tend to make mistakes.”

For a melancholic person, it is important to constantly receive support from loved ones. Praise, praise and praise again, look for positive moments even in failures. For example, if something failed, praise him for even deciding to do this business. Switch his attention to the result of the activity, and not to the assessment. Ask to demonstrate his achievements to you, admire and be happy for him. Emphasize that you are confident in his abilities and know that he can cope with the task. Tell him about it, remind him of past successes.

Teach him to perceive the mistake as a hint to future successes, calmly examine without negative assessments what the failure was, and discuss how to act next time. Entrust him with tasks that he can certainly handle and the results of which can be appreciated by as many people around him as possible. If he draws, make a funny wall newspaper with him for school holiday, plays - learn a popular song with him; ask the teacher to read his best essay in front of the whole class if he is a good writer... This will help him gain confidence to solve more difficult problems.

Communication.Such children most often feel like a “black sheep” in a team and suffer from this, despite the fact that they do not feel a great need for communication. It is difficult for a melancholic person to enter into new class, participate in common activities and entertainment. Try to become for him the closest person he can trust. Don't reveal his secrets, don't criticize him too much. Philosophize with him, discuss situations that you observed, demonstrate that you are very interested in listening to his stories about himself, his thoughts about the world around him. Teach him to find a way out of conflict situations, to defend his opinion, but under no circumstances put pressure on him.

If a melancholic person feels comfortable in a group, he can play the role of a think tank, a kind of grise eminence, and be respected for his invention and ingenuity.

REMINDER FOR PARENTS. DIFFICULTIES IN COMMUNICATION WITH A CHILD

Types bad behavior. How do they manifest themselves? How to correct your child's behavior.

The goal that the child unconsciously pursues	Child behavior	Adult reaction	Child's response to adults' reactions
1. Attract attention to yourself	Whines, makes noise, butts into a conversation, doesn’t listen, etc.	Pay attention and get annoyed	Stops for a while, then starts again	1.Ignore 2. Pay attention when he behaves well. 3.Ask a question: “Perhaps you want me to pay attention to you?”
2.Show what has power over others	Refuses to do what they want him to do	Tries to use his power to force someone to do something, starts to get angry	Becomes stubborn or increases disobedience	Avoid power struggles
3. Repay, take revenge, take revenge	Harms or spoils things, may offend	They consider the child mean and evil, feel anger, resentment	Feels insulted and seeks to repay for this	Don't show your anger and resentment
4. Demonstrate your inability and inadequacy	Unable to learn independent skills, requires assistance	They agree that the child is not capable of anything	Remains helpless	Test the child’s abilities and capabilities, let him know that they believe in him.

TEN COMMANDMENTS TO FATHERS AND MOTHERS

1. Accept your child for who he is.

2. Never order on a whim. There is no need for pointless orders. Not interfering in a child's life is just as dangerous as interfering constantly.

3. Never make decisions alone. Golden rule family life- diarchy. When father and mother contradict each other, it is an entertaining sight for a child.

4. Maintain trust in those who contradict you.

5. As for gifts - no frills. We have forgotten how to refuse children. Refusal brings more benefits, because it teaches you to distinguish what is necessary from what is unnecessary.

6. Lead by example in everything. You can only achieve what you do yourself.

7. Talk about everything without fear. Speech is gold and silence is lead.

8. Unite with your own. The family is a private republic. Everything should be done together: household crafts, washing dishes, shopping, cleaning, choosing entertainment, travel routes.

9. Keep the door open. Sooner or later you will not keep children, teenagers, and young people in the house. It's never too early to learn freedom.

Leave at the right time! This commandment invariably brings sadness. Sooner or later, parents will be left alone. There's nothing to be done, any parenting career involves this sacrifice.

HEALTHY FAMILYHAS THE FOLLOWING QUALITIES:

1. This is a family in which good, honest, open communication has been established.

2. The family has adopted rules and a certain style of behavior that are flexible in application.

3. Parents and children communicate with each other happily and respectfully.

4. Parents and children help each other.

5. Everyone takes a caring and selfless part in creating family well-being.

6. Parents and children listen to each other and want to help each other.

7. Family members not only listen, but also hear what the other is saying and take it to heart.

8. Most problems are solved together.

9. The emphasis is on “we” rather than “I.”

There is no doubt that this list can be significantly expanded. But the main thing is that families that possess these qualities are characterized by stability and will function as a healthy family system. In such families, children feel safe and grow up in an atmosphere of common love.

PASSIVE CHILD

1.The approach to such a child should be gradual.

2. Help him express his emotions and experiences in a more acceptable form.

3. Find out what circumstances caused this condition in the child.

4. Encourage the child to express his feelings in a game or confidential conversation.

5. Gain his trust and location.

6.Help your child gain self-confidence. Only then will he be able to leave the tutelage of the adult he trusts and learn to get along with new people himself.

7. Form cognitive motivation for learning.

8. Develop in the child independence and responsibility for his actions.

9. Praise the child for any manifestation of activity and independence.

10. Develop communication skills.

11. It is advisable that the child attend sports clubs, clubs, etc.

12. Visit museums, exhibitions, and theaters with your child, thereby developing his cognitive activity.

IN ORDER TO OPTIMIZE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR GROWING CHILD, PSYCHOLOGISTS RECOMMEND:

1. Change the style of attitude towards a teenager, discard previous forms of communication that are acceptable for a child, but unacceptable for a teenager.

2. Speak to the teenager in a respectful tone - as if you are someone whose opinion is taken into account.

3. Be patient with outbursts and calmly explain that such behavior is unworthy of an adult guy or girl.

4. Discussions are very useful, but it is advisable that you do not always have the upper hand in them and are winners. When proving this or that position, admit that your son or daughter is right in some point, and at the same time show his inconsistency in judgment.

5. The main method of influencing adolescents is persuasion such as evidence, as well as indirect suggestion.

6. Based on the teenager’s mistakes and mistakes, teach him to follow the advice of his elders and be patient.

7. Promote awareness, deepening of interests, hobbies (socially acceptable).

8. Do not weaken your interest in extracurricular school activities and class events.

9. Regulate your choice of friends carefully and skillfully. As if by chance, open your son or daughter’s eyes to positive and negative qualities his friends, talk about the consequences of bad influences. Cultivate will and self-confidence - barriers against unwanted suggestions.

10. Evaluate not the teenager’s personality, but his actions. Speak in the language of feelings (not “you are a scoundrel”, but “your action upset me, I’m worried, I feel bitterness, indignation ...”).

11. Try to ensure the unity of the requirements of all family members; unity of requirements in family and school.

12. Try to eliminate inconsistency in demands (when he is expected to be either childish obedience or adult independence.)

Remember! The style of interaction that a teenager develops with his parents is also reflected in his relationships with other people.

1. Be open with your children about the circumstances that led to the formation of your current family.

2. In the event of divorce, death or leaving a parent from the family, convince the children that this is not their fault.

3. Be sensitive to your children's feelings of anger, anxiety, or perhaps confusion.

4. If possible, do not change the way of your family life.

5. Try to share responsibilities as much as possible. Don't try to compensate your children for the loss of a parent by taking on too many responsibilities.

6. Be open when you discuss your relationship with your spouse, but be sensitive to what and how you say so as not to hurt the children's feelings by badmouthing the other parent. Do not instill in your children the belief that your spouse will return home unless you yourself see such a possibility, because this can give your children false hope and later turn into severe disappointment.

7. Don't use your children as bargaining chips or bargaining chips between you and your spouse.

8. Do not encourage gossip, do not require children to report everything that was said by their spouse when they met.

9. Reassure children that they will be loved and cared for in the same way as before.

10. Do not allow yourself to speak out against your spouse’s family.

11. Children, even very young ones, should know everything that happened. White lies like: “Dad needs to go on a trip for a few months” are not recommended.

12. If possible, let the children stay in the same place, with the same neighbors and attend the same school. This will reduce the number of radical changes that befall children.

RULES AND STANDARDS OF CONDUCT

"How to love your child"

Rule one

Be able to listen to your child always and everywhere, giving yourself over to this listening entirely and completely, without interrupting the child, without brushing him off like an annoying fly, showing patience and tact.

Rule two

Be able to speak to your child as if you would like to be spoken to, showing gentleness and respect, excluding edifying, rudeness and rudeness.

Rule three

Punish without humiliating, but preserving the child’s dignity, instilling hope for correction.

Rule four

Success in parenting can only be achieved when parents are positive role models every day.

Rule five

Admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness for wrong actions and deeds, be fair in assessing yourself and others.

Psychological support is one of the most important factors determining the success of your child in passing the Unified state exam. How to support a graduate?

There are false ways, so-called “support traps”. Thus, typical ways for parents to support a child are overprotection, creating a teenager’s dependence on an adult, imposing unrealistic standards, and stimulating competition with peers. Genuine support should be based on emphasizing abilities, opportunities - positive aspects child.

Supporting a child means believing in him. Support is based on faith in the individual's innate ability to overcome life difficulties with the support of those whom she considers significant to her. Adults have many opportunities to demonstrate to a child their satisfaction with his achievements or efforts. Another way is to teach a teenager to cope with various tasks, creating in him the attitude: “You can do it.”

To show faith in a child, a parent must have the courage and desire to do the following:

Forget about the child’s past failures;

Help your child gain confidence that he can cope with this task;

Remember past successes and return to them, not to mistakes.

There are words that support children, for example: “Knowing you, I am sure that you will do everything well,” “You do it very well.” You can support through individual words, touches, joint actions, physical participation, facial expressions.

SO, TO SUPPORT A CHILD YOU NEED:

1. Rely on strengths child;

2. Avoid emphasizing the child’s mistakes;

3. Show faith in the child, sympathy for him, confidence in his abilities;

4. Create an environment of friendliness and respect at home, be able and willing to demonstrate love and respect for the child;

5. Be both firm and kind, but do not act as a judge;

6. Support your child. Demonstrate that you understand his experience.