Question for a psychologist:

Hello. I'm a guy, 23 years old. Once upon a time, my friend introduced me to a girl my age. We communicated in fits and starts and not often, but we formed a certain picture about each other and had common affairs, she hooked me as a person who is not eccentric and takes life and the things that happen to him seriously. I think it's worth clarifying, because part of the problem may be this, I had never dated anyone at all in my entire life. Somehow it didn’t work out, the circle of friends was quite narrow, and when I made special acquaintances, nothing came of it. In general, now we have begun to communicate quite closely, we go for walks, correspond, well, just like people do. But she immediately set the condition that she did not want to be in a relationship with anyone. As I later learned a little later from her words, she cannot stay close to people for a long time, it begins to irritate her. She tries to avoid physical contact and sometimes beats herself up with mild derogatory phrases. Sometimes she says that there is something wrong with me, that I chose her and that I should look for a better girl.

In general, the picture is something like this. It’s possible that my hormones are still really raging and I don’t quite adequately understand my feelings for her. I like her as a woman, as a person, I think that I haven’t gotten to know her enough, but I think that the problem is that she is evasive in these matters, so I appreciate her for the qualities listed above, in general, I believe that in everyday life everything can go well with this person In terms of exactly what the interaction is, how her mental state will affect me, I don’t know.

One way or another, I value this person as a friend and want to help her, even despite some of my inadequacy. Please help with advice.

Psychologist Olesya Anatolyevna Bogutskaya answers the question.

Hello, Leonid!

I also don’t know how her mental state will affect her. I don't know anything about him. I didn't see her, I didn't talk to her, I didn't work. No conclusions can be drawn from your words. It's like going to the doctor and telling him for a long time what kind of ulcers your friend has, say, on his body. And ask him to make a diagnosis. In absentia. What will the doctor tell you about this? That's right - let your friend come to me himself, I will examine him, he will pass all the tests HIMSELF, then it will be clear what is wrong with him. So is the psychologist. From three and a half of your sentences it is impossible to learn and understand everything about a person. Therefore, I won’t give any advice, because I can’t. And psychologists generally don’t give advice.

Further. You want to help her. Have you been asked for this help? Did she tell you “it seems like there’s something wrong with me, help me figure it out/get rid of/change!”? Just like that. It seems not. Then your “desire to help her” is your desire about something else. Become someone valuable to her. It’s like getting rid of some serious illness, so that she would see how good you are, fall in love with gratitude, and you would live happily ever after. In other words, this may be some kind of manipulation on your part in order to win her attention. This is just a hypothesis. You can honestly answer for yourself whether this is true or not. And do you need it?

And one last thing. If a girl says everything you brought here, she doesn’t want to be with you. Perhaps she is sparing you and does not say this directly and unambiguously. And you are grasping at this straw and do not notice the huge blockage on your way and stubbornly rush straight ahead - towards it as your goal. I repeat - do you need it?.. Achieve her favor and then ask yourself all your life “does she really love me or is she with me out of pity / thanks to my manipulation / because she cannot leave, as she once could not say directly that Is she not interested in me? Think about it, Leonid.

Do you treasure it? Do you want to communicate with her? Good luck, good health! Just don’t make her an object of love pursuits, an unattainable idol, and harbor illusions for many years. Communicate with her, help if she asks for help (you should never save anyone in this life, unless they ask themselves). And for a girl, find one who will happily accept your attention and warm feelings, and not dynamite.

According to Sigmund Freud, we are afraid of the opposite sex, and this is due to a subconscious craving for incest. A girl learns what a “partner” is when she sees the image of her father, and a boy will always strive to be worthy of his mother’s love. From a complex psychological theory, both dramatic and everyday fears are born: betrayal, separation, in one’s body or abilities, all this could easily be explained according to Freud, but what about irrational fears? I talked to guys, including the authors of BroDude, and found out what scares them in relationships with girls.

Leonid, 24 years old

This is a difficult question for me, I only know the answer approximately. I'm afraid that I'll go completely crazy - I'll get into a noose or do something spontaneous with a knife. I have nervous breakdowns and sudden mood swings.
I'm scared that it's not me who will have to deal with the consequences of my behavior, but my girlfriend, yes.

And everything else is probably not so scary and significant. There is also a minor fear: I don’t like meeting my girlfriend’s family, her brothers and sisters. I don't like all these family gatherings. I'm just sick of them, even when the people are good. And, of course, I can’t stand talking about children. I really don’t understand why so many women love to talk about children. If only instincts can explain all this.

Evgeniy, 26 years old

I'm afraid that I'll start to get irritated by various little things in her behavior or communication. When communicating with a person for a long time, various similar moments begin to infuriate me.

I'm afraid of betrayal. That is, for me this is the highest degree of betrayal, and I will divide by zero everything that came before - memories, romance, events - everything good that is connected with this person.

So technically I'm afraid of the consequences and my own reaction.
I'm afraid to cross the border. If a person is close enough to me and I feel as free as possible with him, then I may not calculate a joke or action, thereby offending. That is, the desire to create some kind of madness for the sake of laughter can outweigh reason and safety.

Stepan, 24 years old

My girlfriend and I are in love, and my main fear is that I will hurt her in the process. I'll hit her hard, choke her, or she'll hurt herself on the hook on the wall. During passion, we cannot control ourselves, so there is always the fear that I will go too far.
I used to worry that she would leave me, go to someone else, and I wouldn’t be able to keep her. I was worried that I might offend her, say something wrong. I’m still afraid that I’ll disappoint her, that I won’t live up to her expectations.
We have a very strong relationship and I am not shy about talking about my fears. Luckily, my girlfriend dispels all my worries, which makes me more confident.

Anton, 23 years old

I used to be afraid that my girlfriend was cheating on me and everyone around me knew about it except me. The most irrational thing is not the betrayal, but precisely the fact that I am the biggest fool in this situation: my girlfriend cheated on me and my friends betrayed me.

It’s also scary that they laugh at me because of this, they call me a rag and a henpecked person behind my back.

I'd rather know the truth, no matter how dirty it may be. You can say that I am also scared that they will lie to me. Always.

Ruslan, 24 years old

Imagine the situation: we are on a date, everything is going wonderfully, things are moving towards sex.

We hug, kiss, and then in a fit of passion she tears off my T-shirt, begins to greedily lick my chest and stomach, and now her tongue is already in my navel, and... oh, horror! There she finds a pellet, which was formed from dust and threads from my T-shirt, and I was so busy with this day that I completely forgot to check and pull it out. I'm terribly afraid of this situation.

Kirill, 24 years old

I'm afraid of everything that could destroy our relationship, but in order not to go crazy, I try not to think about it. It’s just that when I understand that my actions can jeopardize our relationship, I gather myself together and try to do everything so that the love boat doesn’t sink to hell. It doesn't always work out. If it worked, then I wouldn’t be afraid at all.

I'm afraid that she will get fat, get pimples, stop taking care of herself, that she will get sick and die. Because a funeral is such a fuss, you have to run around everywhere, negotiate, organize, it would be better if I go first to my forefathers.
Just kidding, the point, of course, is love, how am I without it. Although, in my deep conviction, any normal person doesn’t want his significant other to become a burden for him. She will lose her job, or, God forbid, something will happen to her and she will be bedridden. Life, consider it broken for both of you. Even if, God forbid, she is unhappy, everyone will feel sick.

Therefore, it is so important that in a relationship each partner perceives their couple as one whole, and not separately from them and themselves. I want both of them to enjoy their lives. Although I am not so much afraid to realize this as ashamed. And, of course, I'm afraid that she will stop loving me and leave me. This is terribly damaging to one’s self-esteem, but what causes more concern is the heart and morale. And that she would see me masturbating, take a photo and send it to my relatives.

Pavel, 28 years old

I would feel bad if my girlfriend told me that our sex is a complete disaster. I always try to please her and watch her reaction in bed. Sometimes I even find it difficult to relax because of this. I don't know if she really likes everything. In my opinion, sex is a thing in which it is very difficult to remain completely sincere. Even if the girl is a complete log, I would never tell her about it, I would be afraid of offending her. It's the same with guys: we all want to be the best lovers and worry whether girls think we are that way.

I wouldn’t like to hear that I’m a zero in bed, but I also don’t want to be lied to where I can improve.

Sergey, 25 years old

I love my girlfriend very much and am happy that we have a strong and adequate relationship: without betrayal, lies and routine. We've been together for three years, and I still have one single fear: I think her parents hate me. I try to communicate with them respectfully and show in every way that I am ready to take serious steps regarding their daughter. But every time we all get together, I feel uneasy. They look at me with suspicion, they don’t trust me, sometimes they even make fun of me.

It seems to me that my girlfriend’s parents are secretly discouraging her from living with me.

I don’t know what to do about this, maybe stop communicating with her family, like many guys do?

Alexander, 26 years old

I had experience communicating with a girl who turned out to be...

And now I have an irrational fear that I will have to deal with such a person again. You meet a girl, she seems sweet and charming, and then it turns out that she is not on friendly terms with her head: she has strange habits, she can lose her temper and destroy half an apartment, or she generally suffers from some kind of mental illness, she can open her veins, while you are not at home, or ruin your things out of jealousy or because she didn’t like something. In general, when I see that a girl is behaving aggressively, I shudder.

Egor, 30 years old

My irrational fear is to fall in love with a girl who is more successful than me.

I'm worried that I won't be worthy of her, that we'll fight over money and unfulfilled ambitions, especially mine.

I kept girls at a distance for a long time because I thought I still needed to grow and develop. Now I understand that I wasted a lot of time, but I could have found my happiness and developed with her.

Renat, 29 years old

I don’t know if this can be called fear, but I don’t like that stage of a relationship where passion turns into habit and obligation. I'm not afraid of responsibility, but I don't want to feel like we're both bogged down. I want to enjoy life, build a career, spend time with the girl I love, but have fun. I'm afraid that we will turn into well-fed and world-weary idiots who are too lazy to even have sex on the weekend.

Artem, 22 years old

I'm afraid that my girlfriend thinks I'm less funny than my friends. She always laughs so loudly when my friend says something that makes me feel uncomfortable. A sense of humor is my strong point, and if my woman does not laugh at my punches, then I am ready to commit suicide from my own insignificance.

There is also an irrational feeling that she might leave me for someone else precisely for this reason - he just played a joke on me.

I understand that this is stupid, she doesn’t love me for jokes, and it’s not my fault that I don’t always manage to make her laugh the way others can. But I still think about it often.
Dear girls, always, ALWAYS laugh at your boyfriends’ jokes!

Question for a psychologist:

Guy, 20 years old

I’m already 20 years old, I haven’t had a relationship in all this time, I’m just afraid of girls or something, I’m afraid of their rejection. I got turned down many times. As soon as I see some beautiful girl, I get lost and that’s it. I don’t work yet and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to give her anything. Even when I was in the 7th grade, a girl beat me up, after that it got even worse...

How should I deal with this? How to overcome all this or just leave it?

As soon as I like some girl, she immediately rejects me and that’s it, this has already happened 5 times out of 5 times.

And I waste all my time on sports so as not to be fixated on the problem. And now I’m not at all sure whether I need this relationship, I’m just afraid, that’s all.

Is it normal that everything I feel and what I’m afraid of?

Previously, it seemed to me that I would have time, but now I’m afraid that I’ll be left alone, people at my age are already having children, but I’m afraid to talk to a girl, and at school too, where I was a “sucker” and this still had an effect.

Do you think this is all or psychological fear? How to overcome it?

Psychologist Margarita Olegovna Alferova answers the question.

Dear Garik, good afternoon!

I want to reassure you that similar thoughts happen to most boys and men, it’s just that not everyone admits to it. For you, this begins to turn into a hypertrophied form because of your obsession with it. But this is also understandable.

It’s better to forget the story with the girl in the 7th grade who beat you, as if to erase it from your own history. You can imagine a picture. as if in a painting gallery and mentally imagine how this picture moves further and further away from you, fades and fades completely. Of course, if there was more complete information about that story, it would be possible to expand on it. but without complete information I don’t want to guess.

Garik, this may of course be your turn of phrase, but why do you write that you are wasting your time on sports? What do you do in your free time if you are not working? Are you studying?

Garik, your task is to become an interesting person. first of all, interesting for yourself! How do you see your future? What are your goals and plans? This is what you need to think about first, what to direct your thoughts and energy towards! Believe me, if you become interesting, wholesome and, as a result, strong in spirit (and thanks to sports and a strong body), then girls themselves will begin to be interested in you!

To move the situation with your fear, you need to stop thinking about mistakes. What we fear is what we get. And this is not mysticism, this is the work of our subconscious. Start introducing yourself strong man! Why do you think that girls only need money and besides that you can’t give them anything? If you are an interesting person, then you can give them your friendship, your intelligence, your protection, your kindness, your attention, and this is worth a lot!

First, learn to look at girls not as objects of desire, but as individuals with whom you can be friends and talk. Find a girl with whom you have common interests, for example sports (you simply didn’t write about other interests). A girl doesn’t have to be beautiful and you like her madly. Find common topics of conversation with her, start being interested in her (her interests, her life, what she likes, what she doesn’t...). Try to see her as a person and become comrades (friends, if possible). To begin with, you need, as I already wrote, to learn to see the personality in a girl, and not just her beautiful appearance. As soon as you gain experience of friendship, communication with girls, it will become easier for you.

Garik, everyone has their own path along which they run and their own deadlines. Like athletes, everyone can go to their peak in different ways and each at different ages can reach heights. It’s the same with you - don’t look how old you are, everyone has their own time. Maybe there's a big one waiting for you. clean and beautiful love, maybe you just need to learn to overcome your fears. Maybe this fear will help you achieve a lot in life, become a very interesting person!!! Everything is in your hands! Develop, strive!!! It is imperative to fight fears! You will definitely cope and everything will be fine for you, everything is ahead of you!

Many guys think that women want to build relationships and get married faster. This is partly true, but at the same time, when asking for friendship, some ask for time to think. Therefore, many men have the opposite problem - the chosen one hides from him and he does not know how to feel when the girl is afraid of a relationship. Let's try to understand the situation.

Where does fear come from?

There are many reasons, but usually they are the same:

1. She is afraid of the public's reaction if dubious stories are told about you or your unhealthy lifestyle is discussed, for example. This does not mean that the girl thinks like everyone else, perhaps she even agrees with you. But women usually it matters what people say;
2. Fear of being deceived, abandoned. Now she is alone and is used to living like this. But perhaps your chosen one has already had a bitter experience or she has seen her parents go through a painful divorce. Then the girl subconsciously fears that a similar story will happen to her;
3. If you are the first, it is natural fear. It's always hard to do something for the first time;
4. Her upbringing interferes with her. She was raised this way from childhood by her parents, who instilled in her that she could only communicate with young people with their blessing and under personal control. And you are not on the list of selected grooms. She may not mind, she just doesn’t dare to break the ban.

It would be wrong to be offended by your beloved in this situation. A lot of guys start to get indignant, like: “ Am I no match for you? Then it’s clear why you turn your nose away" This is a common mistake guys make, this will only confirm her doubts and she will move away to a respectful distance.

What to do if a girl is afraid of relationships?

Now you need analyze her behavior, try to understand it and develop a certain strategy:

• First of all be patient, it is necessary for success in any business. If you act hastily, you will burn out;
• Believe in yourself. This is perhaps the most important point. If you begin to doubt your success, then what should your beloved do? And when she sees your firm actions and hears your confident arguments, she probably won’t be able to resist. After all, a woman is initially designed in such a way that she follows a stronger and more confident man;
• Be understanding of the current situation. You don't need to confidently grab her hand and drag her on a date. Show that you have accepted the situation, assessed it and are ready to make compromises. You need to learn to communicate, that is, listen to her and ask;
• And be sure to be honest. What if the problem is deception, and then you get caught with petty lies. Anything can happen, we sometimes lie in small things, without knowing why.

Clearly formulate for yourself why this is needed, otherwise nothing will work. You can find another girl, there are many more suitable options.

Common mistakes guys make

But this does not mean that a guy should completely indulge his girlfriend’s whims. Some guys worry so much about female uncertainty that they allow themselves to be manipulated to the fullest.

If you see that she is flirting with the guys and is not at all worried about what is happening between you, think about it. Some girls keep such admirers as a backup. Now she will try to go out with different people, and if she doesn’t get along, she will come to you out of boredom.

Therefore, don’t get excited and don’t rush, but don’t offend yourself either. She can’t make up her mind, but she doesn’t let go either - forget about her.

Why am I afraid of a relationship with a guy?

Many representatives of the weaker half are actually afraid of close contacts. She wants to date, and they like this guy, but still the girl is afraid of a relationship with him. This is an internal conflict that prevents normal communication. Why does this happen?

This usually happens as a result of great disappointment, occurred after an unsuccessful relationship with a previous partner. The woman laid herself out there with full force- abandoned friends and business, gave up any entertainment and hobbies. She did everything, but he didn’t appreciate it. And it became clear to her that people could simply take advantage of her feelings.

This left a fear that sometimes lasts a lifetime. Fear of living someone else's life, forgetting about your own, and not receiving due gratitude in return. Fear that, having become attached to a person, you may later find yourself out of work.

But you have to fight your fears, otherwise you won’t be able to achieve anything in life. And if this happened to a woman, she will now can't trust the guy he likes she needs to understand that people are different and every man has his own views.

And it would also be nice for young people in such a situation to talk, to tell the girl about the anxieties that are tormenting her, and to help the guy understand them and help him overcome them.

What are men afraid of in relationships with women?

It's not just girls who experience fear. Boys have their own sticking points. They are also afraid of many things:

• Tears- often, when a girlfriend cries, the guy experiences hellish torment. Especially if the beloved does it quietly, without explanation. Tears are the most terrible female weapon, but they must be used skillfully. If you turn into a regular hysterical person, you will be left alone;
• Silence. After tears, this is the second most powerful factor. When a woman is silent, a man begins to beat himself up and try to understand the reasons for her silence. He does not understand what is happening, and everything incomprehensible irritates them greatly;
• There is an opinion that it is easy for guys to meet representatives of the opposite sex. But that's not true. Often they are shy to the point of disgrace and do not smaller girl don't want to be rejected;
• Beautiful women. This is a phenomenon, but many guys ignore girls who are generally recognized as ideal. They can dream about her, look and sigh, but do not dare to communicate. They are afraid of not meeting her ideal and fall into a stupor.

As you can see, men have no less prejudices in their heads when it comes to serious things. It’s worth knowing about them if you want to understand and accept the young man you like.

So, we found out that not only the girl is afraid of relationships, but also the man experiences a certain discomfort. People are the same in their fears, which means you can understand your partner’s indecisiveness, and this is the main thing on the path to strong friendships and relationships.

Video: why are girls afraid of this?

In this video, psychologist Yulia Voevodina will tell you about the most common reasons why girls are afraid to start new relationships with guys, and she will tell you how to solve their problem:

How to get rid of the fear of a serious relationship.

There are many obstacles on the path to a happy relationship. Most of them are fears. In this article you will learn how to overcome them.

How to get rid of phobias and fears on your own: advice from a psychologist

• First, determine what kind of phobia you have. Then read what thoughts trigger it. Tune in to the right way of thinking, get rid of obsessive ones.
• Then for each phobia you need individual approach. However, when choosing your method of getting rid of a phobia, do not forget to check the tips in the article.

Fear of men - androphobia: symptoms, causes

• Unpleasant experiences from the past. They are associated with failed relationships.
• Family. If the relationship between the parents was bad and the mother constantly condemned the father in front of her daughter.
• The phobia arises from watching films where men show cruelty and anger in relationships.
• Confidence in your unattractiveness.

How to express it:

• A woman constantly feels falsehood in the courtship of men. It seems to her that behind all their attempts to establish communication there is a hidden desire to take possession of her and abandon her.
• She feels anxious in places where there are a lot of men.
• For her, the word man is associated with selfishness and arrogance.
• A woman susceptible to this phobia is too critical of men. Finds many shortcomings in them.
• She often considers herself a feminist. Constantly seeks out facts of violation of women's rights by men.

Ways to solve the problem:

• Acknowledge your fear. And don’t try to hide it behind the fact that men are “bad.”
• After the first point, consult a psychologist. With the help of hypnosis or conversations, he will help you look at men as ordinary people.

• You can write letters in which you express all your worries because of them. Of course, such letters should not be sent to this address.
• Encourage and support yourself. Every day, consciously do not allow yourself to criticize your actions.
• Practice communicating with men.

Fear of falling in love - philophobia: symptoms, causes

• Finding an ideal partner who has only positive qualities.
• The loss of a loved one and the idealization of his personality. This makes new relationships impossible.
• Unsuccessful relationships with the opposite sex. The previous partner was rude or cruel.
• Injury adolescence. Unrequited love, suffered from 12 to 18 years. During this period, failures are usually perceived more painfully than by adults.
• Problems in the family. If a child has often seen scandals and humiliation in his family, the opposite sex becomes unpleasant for him.

What increases philophobia?

• Low self-esteem
• Fear of losing personal freedom
• Fear of taking responsibility for decisions made

How to express it:

People often have no idea about this phobia. He creates his own comfortable little world into which he does not allow outsiders. This world consists of a lifestyle convenient for the philophobe.
• The stronger the philophobia, the more difficult for a person share your feelings and emotions.
• A person either tries to be alone or is constantly in noisy company, in a crowded place.

• A philophobe can be sloppy and cares little about his appearance. Or go to the other extreme: pay a lot of attention to your appearance.

Ways to solve the problem:

• Realize the hidden benefits that philophobia gives you. To do this, you can use the technique from the video at the end of this subtopic about philophobia. Such benefits may include: protection from the loss of a loved one, protection of personal space and freedom, and protection from disappointment.
• Become more attentive to your behavior. Notice those moments when you are driven by philophobia. Awareness of the problem is the first step to solving it.

• Boost your self-esteem. To do this, praise yourself even for small successes. At the end or beginning of each day, mark your five positive qualities.
• Develop positive thinking. To do this, every day remember five happy events of the past day and five of your achievements. And also find five positive qualities in people who at the moment you don't like it. Read books by Luza Hay or A. Sviyash.
• Try to communicate with new people more often, travel.
• Do familiar things in an unusual environment. For example, take your morning walks in a new, unknown area.

VIDEO: NLP: how easy it is to change in 15 minutes? (reframing)

Fear of women, girls - gynecophobia (gynephobia, feminophobia, gynophobia): symptoms, causes

• A cruel, domineering, or hot-tempered mother. Or she changed her mood quickly.
• The father is weak and weak-willed.
• Unpleasant personal experience. A personal unsuccessful relationship or simply an unpleasant situation involving a woman. Sometimes ladies act tense and aggressive with men because of past disappointments or bad stereotypes. Therefore, a man immediately faces the unpleasant side of girls.

How to express it:

• Unpleasant sensations when trying to start a conversation with a girl. This could be anxiety or a strong feeling of fear.
• Fear of being the first to start dating, even if the girl is pretty.
• A gynecophobe tries to communicate with women as little as possible. Next to them he feels weak and unprotected.
• When communicating with women, feminophobes can be rude and arrogant. They try to emphasize their superiority.
• Gynecophobes are afraid to enter into intimate contact.

Ways to solve the problem:

• You can consult a psychologist. But only if your phobia does not respond to your own treatment.
• Try to get to know the girls better. The unknown is scary. And if there is no uncertainty, starting communication will be easier every time.
• Understand that girls are people just like you. They have their own complexes and fears.
• Practice communicating with girls more often.

• Don't be afraid of rejection. Someone's “no” is not at all a confirmation of your unattractiveness. This is just a sign that somewhere there is an even more interesting and beautiful girl who will say “yes” to you.
• Try to get rid of negative experiences from the past associated with girls. Imagine that a girl who once offended you tells you her story. Remember, any aggression is evidence of a person’s complexes and fears. Mentally see how the girl says that she is sorry, that she herself felt bad, that’s why she did what she did.

Fear of kissing - philemaphobia: symptoms, causes

• Fear of appearing awkward and inexperienced
• Fear of unpleasant sensations
• Fear of losing control over yourself and the situation
• Unpleasant sensations when someone is in your personal space
• Once upon a time, the guy/girl that the person was kissing made fun of his way of kissing
• Unpleasant memories of someone kissing you against your will
• Sometimes philemaphobia is closely related to the fear of becoming infected with other people's germs (bacteriophobia)
• Fear of being rejected or being rejected

fear of kissing - philemaphobia

How to express it:

• Philemophobes are afraid of relationships and try to avoid contacts with the opposite sex
• When thinking about kissing, these people feel dizzy and nauseous. They are shaking and very stressed
• Looking at a simple scene in a movie with a kiss or a kissing couple, philemophobe feels fear and disgust

Ways to solve the problem:

• Realize: your partner loves you. And any kiss will be pleasant for him, simply because he will kiss you.
• Consult a psychologist.
• If you have fear of the first kiss, then once you kiss you will no longer experience it.
• Understand that refusing a kiss is not a big deal. Make attempts to start new relationships often. Then refusals will stop scaring you.
• If you are a man, remember that a woman may refuse a kiss due to coquetry or shyness.

• Read about the hidden sexual signals of women and men to know whether you should try to kiss or not.
• Don't try to learn how to kiss using manuals and instructions. Each person is unique and individual. Everyone has their own preferences in kissing. So just be observant during the process. Try to feel whether your partner likes what you do - or not.
• If you are afraid of bad breath, then remember a few simple rules. The smell from dental diseases like caries or tartar cannot be masked, only cured. To make your breath smell good before kissing, chew chewing gum for 10 minutes. You can read more about treating bad breath in.

Fear of sex and sexual relationships - genophobia: symptoms, causes

IMPORTANT: The fear of showing one’s inexperience in a young woman/young man should not be confused with erotophobia. It can be overcome by gaining experience over time.

• Severe pain when losing virginity
• Past violence
• Negative attitudes from childhood. The mother or grandmother who said sex was dangerous and dirty
• Complexes due to the fact that a person is convinced that he is ugly
• Your partner's sarcastic comments about your sexual relationship

fear of sex - genophobia

How to express it:

• A person tries to avoid intimacy, refuses, making up excuses.
• In severe cases, he tries not to have a relationship at all.

Ways to solve the problem:

• If you are embarrassed about your body, understand a simple truth. Your partner loves you and your body is perfect for him.
• Decide to practice more often. Over time, the fear will pass.

Fear of sex - erotophobia: symptoms, causes

• Violence
• Convincing adults that sex is dirty or shameful
• Unpleasant personal experience

Ways to solve the problem:

• Contact a psychologist or undergo psychological training.
• Think about the benefits of successful sex: incredible sensations, improved relationships with your partner, improved health and positive emotions.
• Talk to your partner, discuss the problem. Ask him to be more gentle with you.

Fear of sex - erotophobia

Fear of first intimacy - intimate phobia: symptoms, causes

• Not knowing how to behave
• (In the case of girls) Fear that after sex, the guy will lose interest

How it manifests itself:

• A person tries to avoid contacts with the opposite sex.
• Avoids relationships and is afraid to fall in love, because... knows that the relationship will have to go through sex.

Ways to solve the problem:

• Get rid of the attitude that not knowing about sex and being inexperienced is shameful. This is your first time. Not knowing much about something you've never done is not a bad thing.
• Be sure to protect yourself and make your sex safe. Then you won’t have to regret the first time.

• Relax and get ready to have fun. Think about the pleasant sex that characters in movies, books, or people you know had. You can do it too!
• (For women and girls) Mentally thank your fear for trying to protect you. And let him go. Realize that your partner will help you and become your protection. An incentive to get rid of fear will also be the fact that it itself can become a cause of pain. The emotional and muscular tightness that fear causes will cause pain.

Fear of first intimacy - intimate phobia

VIDEO: Training: how to get rid of the fear of first sex?

Fear of getting a sexually transmitted disease - venerophobia: symptoms, causes

• Personal experience of contact with a person infected with sexually transmitted diseases
• Understanding that sex can be unsafe
• Erroneous information taken from unreliable sources
• Misconceptions learned from friends

How it manifests itself:

• Any discomfort in intimate area causes fear and panic in a vinerophobe. Even harmless inflammation seems to him the beginning of a venereal disease.
• A person who has once suffered a sexually transmitted disease becomes distrustful. It always seems to him that the recovery is not yet complete.

Fear of getting a sexually transmitted disease - venerophobia

• Vinerophobe is afraid of any sexual contact and avoids it.
• In serious cases, thoughts about sex cause panic. It is manifested by rapid breathing, increased pulse, and severe weakness. The same thing is repeated when the possibility of sex arises.

Ways to solve the problem:

• First of all, sincerely wish to get well. Find the positives in sex and the benefits it finds.

• Choose a gentle, patient doctor. He should calmly and patiently answer all your questions about your health.
• Take all the necessary tests and make sure that you do not have sexually transmitted diseases.

Fear of beautiful women

• Lack of self-confidence, inferiority complex
• The stereotype that beautiful women will always try to take power over a man
• Fear of Rejection
• The stereotype that beautiful women are stupid and selfish

How to express it:

• When I see beautiful girl a person experiences shortness of breath, dizziness, and rapid heartbeat.

The cause of fear is lack of self-confidence

• A man feels uncomfortable in the company of a beautiful girl.
• A man communicates well with girls of ordinary appearance, but panics when communicating with beauties.
• In cases of severe phobia, a man may run away from the place where a beautiful woman is.

A man feels uncomfortable in the company of a beautiful girl

Ways to solve the problem:

• If the guy is still a teenager, then this phobia will most likely go away with time.
• Contact a psychologist. Find out what event from the past caused this phobia.
• Take a self-esteem course.
• Learn affirmations about self-love and repeat them to yourself during phobia attacks.

Treatment of phobias with hypnosis

Briefly, hypnosis treats phobias according to the following scheme:

• The hypnotist finds in the patient’s subconscious the root cause of his panic and fear.
• With the help of attitude and suggestion, the client accepts the painful event. Stops clinging to him. Forms a new, positive model of behavior. Returns to reality as a different, better person.

The hypnotist finds the root cause of his panic in the patient’s subconscious

Video: Hypnosis: treating fears and phobias with hypnosis.

Video: Meditation & Hypnosis. Self-hypnosis. How to learn to control the subconscious?

Video: Hypnosis session. Fears, phobias, anxiety.

Video: How to overcome your fears? Oleg Gadetsky