Money flows away like water through your fingers. This is not surprising given that inflation is rising. We need to tighten our belts, men think. They reproach their wives for wastefulness. But are the accusations always justified, SEMEYKA.INFO asked.

Unnecessary accusations

In most families, men judge their wives unfairly.

Firstly, they seem unaware that in addition to the cutlets and side dish seen today, the family needs many other, not so noticeable at first glance, but no less useful acquisitions.

They naively believe that in one roll toilet paper The family uses it for a month, and the tube lasts for six months. They don’t even realize how much money is spent on little things like cat food, socks and washcloths.

Secondly, husbands sometimes reproach their wives for buying such “unnecessary” things as all kinds of figurines, curtains, rugs, and other trinkets, which they can do without, but for some reason they do not want to live in a half-empty apartment where there is only a sofa , table and wardrobe.

They condemn their life partners for every new piece of mascara and tights, but they are not eager to see them unkempt and in rags.

As you can see, women spend their money quite logically, it’s just that their husbands don’t know what the money is spent on. Therefore, this type of female spending is, rather, a male problem, which the spouses can solve if they go shopping together several times, and then together sort out the receipts and how much money was spent on what, and what acquisitions turned out to be unnecessary.

Empty waste

But there are also families in which women really do not know how to save and properly distribute funds, buying a lot of unnecessary clothes and trinkets, while the refrigerator is empty. Why is this happening?

The most common reason is women. If she does not feel happy in the family, then she tries to fill the spiritual emptiness beautiful things. Therefore, the husband needs to try to get along with his wife, devote more time to her and find pleasant things to do together - and soon the extravagance will go away by itself.

Another reason for female spending is the lack of experience in housekeeping and in the distribution of the family budget in particular. After all, at school they don’t teach you how to handle money, and before marriage, your parents managed it. So it turns out that in family life girls enter completely unprepared in this regard.

A good way to learn how to save money is to keep a diary of your expenses and calculate your monthly expenses on different categories of goods.

The shortcomings of wives are a continuation of the advantages of their husbands. Or what to do if your wife is a spender?

Vyacheslav, Kemerovo. How to rehabilitate a spendthrift wife? I make good money, but sometimes I feel like a poor person. And the whole point is that my wife is a complete shopaholic and spender. She spends all our money only on herself, her beloved! At the same time, she earns purely symbolically (she works part-time at school), and mostly stays at home with the child. A couple of times a week with a friend he breaks out to the shops and brings them home full bags and boxes. The wardrobe is already bursting, shoe boxes are filling all the closets. And then it happens that we survive until the end of the month on potatoes and pasta. I don’t see meat for a week, I take money from my parents for gas for the car. I understand with my mind that this is not possible, but we have been living like this for seven whole years. Help me re-educate her and wean her from spending money!!!

It is known: “what goes around comes around.” Regularly encountering in my practice husbands who complain about their “spendthrift” wives, who at the same time also earn a pittance themselves, or are generally housewives (often without education), I realized long ago: No matter how such husbands grumble and they didn’t talk about divorce - in fact, such wives suit them quite well! The fact is that you begin to deeply understand the childhood and youth biography and personality type of such husbands, it almost always turns out that this man all his life considered himself a “supporting actor”: his parents always decided everything for him, he was belittled and humiliated in childhood peers, he could not achieve reciprocity from beautiful girls, some problems and circumstances always interfere with his life, and so... a complete and undivided Master, a Man with a Capital M, he feels only at home, in his own family, where, finally, then everything depends only on him alone. All the money in the family comes only from him, and therefore all the love is only for him. And the more stupid and primitive the wife behaves, the more he (with great satisfaction) understands: “Yes, how would she live without me?! Yes, she would probably have died completely by now! Who would provide for her?! Who would give her money?! Who would forgive her for spending her last money on lipstick and tights?! Yes, she would have been beaten and kicked out of the house long ago!!! So let her pray for me, lick and court her Master, the Great Me!! !

In addition, it often turns out that men of this type have always had problems with women intimately. He was either not recognized as a man, or he was not given exactly the forms of intimacy that he sought. And finally, the same woman was found (who precisely became his wife), who gave him everything that he dreamed of in his youthful and not so youthful years. And the fact that she spends her last money on shopping is not such a big price to pay for the regular satisfaction of a man’s innermost intimate desires.

My analysis of such couples shows that both sides understand everything correctly, they are fully aware that such a structure of life - “wrong” in the opinion of many other people, in fact, is a reasonable structure of life for this particular man and woman. In which an ambitious woman, having married this man, gave up some of her own ambitions and dreams (to become an actress, marry a millionaire, go abroad, move to the regional capital, make her own career, etc.), and a man finally received full recognition as a man: he became the happy owner of a family, children and regular sex.

That is why, personally, I consider such families to be internally self-regulated, and I try not to upset their existing internal balance of power. Otherwise, the external intervention of a psychologist or friend-advisers too often ends in scandals and divorces, in which almost always everyone suffers at once: and ex-husband and the wife, and especially their children.

Thus, my advice is this: I directly advise these couples to continue to live according to the traditions that have already developed in their family, but for those husbands who are the source of income, make it a rule to make a small “nest egg” every month cash from your salary. But not at all to spend it on nightclubs and corrupt women, but to have it available in case of emergency when the spendthrift wife goes beyond the family budget, when the family literally has nothing to live on. In this case, such “nest eggs” help a lot. They also turn out to be the only means of accumulating funds for large purchases - purchasing cars, apartments, furniture, vacation packages. Moreover, a husband is categorically forbidden to admit to his spendthrift wife where the money came from: this way he risks losing her trust in himself and causing her to additional costs(like the husband will still find money to compensate for them). When bringing “extra” money, you should always indicate that it is borrowed (and not from your parents, to whom you don’t have to give it, but from complete strangers, work colleagues!), and on this basis, reduce the amount of money you give to your wife in the following months. It is the regular application of these “sanctions” in the form of “life allegedly in debt” that is almost the only means of effective educational influence on spendthrift wives and saving the family from default and bankruptcy that is already real...

In general, in family life everything is always harmonious. Practice shows: only against the backdrop of the “shortcomings” of their wives do many husbands feel like real men, exemplary husbands, fathers and family men. And if this makes everyone feel internally comfortable, then so be it. Although it has its own nuances, it is still a complete family, which, in my opinion as a family psychologist and citizen, is much better than a divorced man and woman and unhappy children.

Best regards, Yours family psychologist, Doctor of Cultural Studies, Professor Andrey Zberovsky.

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Very often, the strong half of humanity complain that their wives spend too much money. According to men, their other halves buy a bunch of things they don’t need and in a matter of hours are able to spend any amount given to them.

Women's spending is a double-edged sword. Men in most families unfairly judge their wives because they do not keep track of the money they have spent. It seems to them that the family budget is wasted on unnecessary trifles. Husbands do not understand that in addition to the side dish and cutlets that they saw on their plate today, they need to make many useful purchases for the family. The spouse may believe that the family uses the same roll of toilet paper for a month; he does not even think about how much money is spent on much-needed household chemicals, on kindergarten, on utilities, on travel, on socks, on pet food. and various little things like washcloths and spices.

Another paradox of men is that they reproach their wife for purchasing completely unnecessary things for herself and for the home. A beautiful robe or new strekozzza dresses, paintings, rugs, curtains, figurines - it seems like living well without this, but a man is unlikely to want to live in an empty apartment where there is only a wardrobe, a table and a sofa, and even with an unkempt wife .
Therefore, this type of female squandering - bigger problem men.

The wife spends the money quite logically, the husband just doesn’t know where the money is spent. It’s not difficult to deal with this - it’s just not easy that you need to go shopping together with your husband several times, and then sit down and go through all the receipts, count how much money was spent and finally ask your husband if he considers these purchases unnecessary. His very first reaction will be: “We didn’t buy anything, where did so much money go?” After several such trips, he will understand that his wife is buying really necessary things and is not wasting the family budget.

However, there is another side to the issue - when the wife really suffers from shopping mania. She is unable to distribute and save funds. She buys a lot of unnecessary trinkets and clothes while there is no trace of food in the refrigerator.
There are deeper reasons for this problem. One of these is internal discomfort. If a woman in a family does not feel happy, she fills the spiritual emptiness with things. To eliminate such a nuisance, you need to pay more attention to each other, improve relationships, have a good time together, and then the problem will go away on its own.

You can often find squandering among young housewives - before marriage they lived with their parents and did not learn how to distribute family funds. They also don’t teach home economics at school, and therefore it turns out that the young wife enters family life with absolute ignorance of how to spend money correctly. To learn how to distribute funds, a girl just needs parental advice, time and experience. Good decision will

Many men turn to psychologists with the problem of blaming their wife for constantly spending large amounts of money. Some men say that their wives buy a lot of unnecessary things, simply because they want to spend the given amount of money as quickly as possible.

Without delving into many small things, they believe that the family budget is spent exclusively on things that no one needs. Basically, men pay attention exclusively to food, and they do not pay any attention to all other things that are also useful to the housewife in the kitchen.

It is worth understanding that a man will never delve into where new soap comes from in the bathroom, and where he again gets clean socks that are washed with the powder that his wife bought.

Some men reproach their wives for wasting money on curtains and carpets, although they themselves do not think at all that they want to come to a cozy apartment where everything is clean and beautiful, because hardly anyone will live with open windows without curtains.

It is also worth remembering that every self-respecting man will want to see a beautiful, well-groomed woman, and for this his wife needs to use cosmetics, buy herself beautiful jewelry and new things.

To avoid any disputes about where the money goes, you need to take your husband with you to go shopping as often as possible, so that he can see where the money goes and what it is spent on; sometimes you can send him shopping on your own.

After such shopping, it is advisable to sit down with your husband and count the amount for which all these things were purchased, and ask your husband what purchases he considers unnecessary. As a rule, after such training, men reconsider their opinions and begin to behave differently in relation to money.

If, after all, a woman really has a tendency to buy unnecessary things, then it is important to determine the reason why she does this. Often a woman tries to occupy herself with something in this way; we can say that the wife is most likely not happy in her family and in this way she fills her spiritual emptiness.

It must be said that young housewives who previously lived with their parents and did not delve into the problem of purchasing necessary things can waste money, so for such housewives everything may seem necessary. In this case, young people will have to keep a diary of expenses and income in order to properly plan their family budget.

Additionally, before you go shopping at home, you can make a list of only those purchases that, in the opinion of the husband and wife, they really need, this will help not to spend money on unnecessary things and control the family budget.

A man who loves his wife will not immediately attack her with a scandal, in this case it is best to sit down and discuss everything together, this is the only way the wife will not think that she married a greedy person, and the husband will not think that his wife is a spendthrift and not a housewife, it is advisable for a young family to solve all these problems at the initial stage of their life together.

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