Many of us consider these concepts to be the same, although in reality this is not the case at all. What are the differences anyway?

Friendship is a cooperation in which both people receive some kind of mutual benefit from each other, but no one owes anyone anything, because such relationships are based on selflessness. The saying “Trust but verify” does not apply here. We do not need to prove anything to anyone or demand loyalty and devotion from others. We just help each other when needed.

Let's think about how love differs from friendship?

Let's imagine that love is a beautiful house designed by an experienced architect, that is, by one who loves. Any house always stands on a solid foundation, in our case this foundation is sexuality. A bad, weak foundation can destroy the entire house, no matter how beautiful it is. That's why a good architect takes care of everything.

If we feel only passion and nothing more towards a person, it is like a foundation without a house. You can't live on it.

A house without a foundation is a mirage, a disconnect from reality, a dream that it will last, but sooner or later it will collapse. Therefore friendship cannot be love. However, it is possible that friendship will develop into.

How is love shown? Each of us is ready to do anything for the sake of our loved one. We are haunted by the desire to make him happy. We generally think more about him than about ourselves. In friendship, one’s own interests are still valued higher than the interests of the partner.

In addition to love and friendship, there is also psychological intimacy.

About psychological intimacy

According to E. Bern's definition, psychological intimacy is when in communication between people there are no “manipulative games” that arise during the maturation of hidden conflict situations. This means that partners are unable to communicate in an adult way (intellectually, consciously) or in a childish way (emotionally).

All people change, so you can’t think that you can finally build psychological intimacy. One way or another, we will build it constantly. Therefore, we should always be interested in our partner.

If we compare psychological intimacy, love and friendship, then friendship is more logical. Love is more emotional. Psychological intimacy is simultaneously logical, emotional and censorship; she is often outside of love and friendship.

Does psychological intimacy always occur?

We must understand that psychological intimacy can develop between people. But the greater their number, the less important it is. This means that its role in society is declining, and quite dramatically.

Now it's pretty obvious why even among hundreds of people we can feel lonely. But a way out of this situation is also visible: we need to choose from among society the person with whom we are ready to build psychological intimacy. Then the problem of loneliness loses its severity and becomes completely solvable.

What's more important

Having found out what each of the concepts we have considered means, it is logical to ask the question: what is more important, love or friendship, or perhaps psychological intimacy? It's quite difficult to answer. Some people believe that friendship is more important in any case, because...

Any of the above has a right to exist. It cannot be said that a feeling is better or worse, and therefore one cannot judge its importance. It’s just that we feel one thing for some people, and another for others. For some, perhaps, everything at once, but for others, nothing at all. You have to put up with it and take it for granted.

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman is the most mysterious question; for many years psychologists have been trying to determine whether such friendship exists? Let's take a closer look at the features of opposite-sex friendships, how to establish and maintain such friendly relations? Why do friendly feelings arise between a man and a woman, what contributes to their creation?

Features of friendship between men and women

Friendship between a man and a woman raises conflicting opinions, some people believe in its possibility, others do not, and girls are more inclined to such relationships, and guys understand that it is difficult to maintain such friendship, love is likely to arise.

Why do girls like to be friends with guys, what are the benefits of such communication?

1. Men think objectively and can help with advice in solving a situation.
2. Men are sincere in their expressions, inspire trust, and are not inclined to compete with women.
3. The guys are always attentive and courteous with the girls, allowing them to be the center of attention.
4. Reliable in friendship - obligatory, always ready to help, focused more on action than reasoning.
5. Friendly communication helps in the future in building love relationships, promotes self-knowledge and understanding of the opposite sex, characteristics, differences.
6. A good friend can give advice from a male point of view, help you look at the situation differently.
7. Men are more truthful in their assessments, do not show envy, can sincerely rejoice at achievements, appreciate a new outfit, and give a compliment.
8. For a young girl, communication with guys is of great importance and contributes to the growth of self-esteem.
9. Communication with men is more interesting - it allows you to look at the world differently, new topics for conversation arise, and your range of interests expands.

Consequently, for girls and women, friendships with the opposite sex bring a lot of positive things, and you should be confident in choosing friends and attentive in choosing company.

What are the reasons for guys' friendship with girls?

1. IN adolescence the influence of hormonal levels increases, interest in opposite sex, unconscious attraction.
2. Girls are sensitive, they can understand, show attention and care.
3. It is pleasant to be in the company of girls; men like to feel women’s attention, support, and positive assessments.
4. The desire to impress the opposite sex.
5. The desire to know girls, the characteristics of their behavior, thoughts, the desire to receive friendly advice from them.

Typically, guys prefer male companies for friendship, but in adolescence, more often female and male groups intersect and mixed ones are formed. There is more and more interest in each other. At this stage, friendship is more of a preparation for love.

Are there friendly feelings without intimate overtones? The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman gives such friendship a special status - it is not just friendship and not love, but rather an average. When people are just friends, communicating, there is a feeling whether it is a girl or a man, which evokes special feelings. We are opposite in our inner essence, like fire and water, earth and sky, it is the differences that cause a strong attraction between men and women.

Psychology of love, love is friendship, how to distinguish friendship from falling in love? - a question that haunts many young people. Communication can be fun, but where is the line that symbolizes falling in love?

Let's try to identify the main differences:

• love appears like a flash of lightning, a discovery, a sudden feeling, and a friendly attitude is the result of long communication, a series of meetings, joint activities;
• love does not have special levels, it exists as a given, it is difficult not to notice, friendly affection has different levels - weak, strong, there may be acquaintances or real friends;
• love- this passion, and therefore suffering, presupposes ecstasy and high joy from meetings, but also the torment of separations and experiences. Friendly feelings are not associated with experiences, but are rather aimed at the joy of communication;
• love happens one-sided without an answer, and friendly interaction is usually a mutual process - communication, mutual sympathy, desire to help in difficult situations;
• prone to idealization, a person is real and at the same time becomes special, the best in the world, in friendship we really evaluate a friend, we see objectively;
• in friendship it is important to feel the understanding of a friend and to feel the similarity of views; in love, a person is constantly looking for answers - is there reciprocity or not, do they love me;
• fair and demanding to a lesser extent, love is madness, constant worries, thoughts, even having found reciprocity, a person often feels ups and downs of joy in moments of separation and worries.

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman allows us to understand that friendly feelings are more humane, tuned to the mutual joy of communication, and are useful for both men and women, but we remember about nature. If you want to maintain friendship and not move to the stage of love, you should follow the recommendations of psychologists:

• Remind them periodically that you are just friends.
  I share sports. Mixed-sex friendships have their advantages and disadvantages. The main question is: how do people perceive these relationships, what do they invest in them, do they see each other as friends or hope for more?
• Do not use flirting in communication, transparent hints about the closeness of the relationship.
• Do not play family with a person - joint purchases, repairs and other similar matters.
• Try to maintain distance; too active communication can turn on other mechanisms.
• Let them know that you are not looking for love or that the place in your heart is occupied.

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman determines: such friendly feelings arise as a result of joint activities - common work, team, hobbies, interests. You can take courses, learn foreign languages, and play sports together. Mixed-sex friendships have their advantages and disadvantages. The main question is: how do people perceive these relationships, what do they invest in them, do they see each other as friends or hope for more?

Friendship and sex

The modern world has become more pragmatic, not everyone needs real feelings, there are young people who are simply interested in a partner for a relationship. The expression “friendship sex” also appeared. What does this mean and is such interaction possible without feelings of love? Initially, friendly communication excludes intimacy, and its presence indicates greater intimacy. How to perceive this trend?

There are 3 options for the development of events:

1. casual sex with a friend- drinking, partying, got carried away and this is the result. What to do next? Forget and remain friends or become a couple, move to the next level of close communication;
2. friendship for sex- this is a search for a temporary partner to enjoy life, often people feel uncomfortable being alone, and this is a simplified version of meetings without obligations;
3. friendship+sex- the relationship is based on friendly feelings, but there is also a conscious desire to receive physical release, the rules of the game are established - no obligations, dates continue until the moment of meeting true love, can last, according to observations, up to 10 meetings, then falling in love occurs or one of the partners leaves for another person.

Of course, such relationships seem cynical or vulgar, less sublime than love, but they take place in modern world, while “sex for friendship” is a big risk - it’s difficult to meet a true friend, and close intimate communication can ruin a wonderful friendship. It all depends on people, moral principles, life values, priorities.

Friendship between a man and a woman is a reality

Psychologists have found that friendship between a man and a woman exists, which is confirmed by social surveys among the population - 61% of respondents believe in opposite-sex friendships, 31% do not. However, the line is quite shaky and friendly communication is possible under certain circumstances:

• friends have partners, lovers;
• there is no intimate interest, there has already been an affair, friendly feelings remain;
  marriage by married couples.
• there is a mutual desire to maintain communication at the level of friendship;
• friendly communication between married couples.

How to perceive when there is friendship between a man and a married woman or a girl with married man? Of course, not all spouses approve of friends of the opposite sex, for fear of losing their loved ones. The essence of the issue is deeper - when a close friend appears, besides the spouse, there is a high probability - there is no spiritual closeness and understanding in the family, which creates the basis for friendly relations.

A friend compensates for the lack of communication and mutual understanding by playing the role of a congenial, dear person. Such attachments often arise on the basis of common interests - music, literature, foreign languages. People are united by common views on life, values, and worldview.

It is worth remembering: if a person is sociable and wants to communicate with a large circle of friends, this is normal, but a close friend is an alarming sign for a couple. Such interaction in the event of difficulties with a loved one can become an order of magnitude closer. Often there is sympathy between friends, but they try to keep a distance from what is permitted, maintaining the boundaries of independence from feelings.

The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman pays special attention to the issue of friendship transformation. Love after friendship is a fairly common scenario. Friendly feelings presuppose trust, respect, and mutual assistance. The friendship stage can be a preparation for love and serves as an excellent foundation for establishing strong family relations. After all, to create a strong union you need friendship, love, passion, respect, understanding. A close friend can know a person quite well and understand him perfectly. Often close friends can be a wonderful couple, but are afraid to upset the existing balance.

As we see, love after friendship is quite possible and develops well on the basis of friendly feelings, the main thing is that it is mutual and desired, then the probability of a successful development of events is high.

Benefits of love after friendship:

• lovers never get bored, have a great time together, have common interests;
• the partner knows secrets, feels and understands his loved one perfectly;
• the beloved is already known to friends and family, so those around them perceive the newly created couple well, usually support and rejoice;
• the beloved knows the positive and negative sides of the partner, calmly treats the shortcomings;
• a person perceives a partner naturally, there is no need to embellish oneself externally or attribute special qualities;
• similar pairs are easy to find common language, have an excellent level of mutual understanding.

Negative points:

• if the connection is broken, there is a high probability of losing a friend,

This chapter is about friends. Husband. Which were also yours. And they were very good, because they were cheerful, sociable, in general, good guys.

And after the wedding they remained the same. Unfortunately for you.

This is before them cheerful disposition was in your favor. Because you have always been together - them, you and your fiancé. And that means they played into your hands, bringing your chosen one closer to you.

Now everything has changed. And it became exactly the opposite. Guys in shirts have ceased to be your friends, because they are now taking your husband away from you. To yourself. To your reckless bachelor company.

And God be with him, let him have fun! But only in that bachelor company do women appear from time to time. And where is the guarantee that any of them will not lay eyes on your husband? Single friends are a stepping stone to cheating. Your husband - to you.

Are there no women in their company? Well, that means there is vodka. Which is also not good. After all, by and large, it doesn’t matter to you who takes your husband away from the family - a woman or alcohol.

In addition, being in a friendly company can be more interesting than at home. And houses are duller in comparison. Which, again, can take the husband away from his native walls. To non-natives.

Well, enough arguments against?

Then let's move on to methods of keeping a husband at home.

No, you shouldn’t prove to him that his friends are all scoundrels. He will only be offended.

And you shouldn’t lie down across the threshold when your friends appear. And there is no need to place children nearby. It won't help. He will step over. If only because he would be ashamed to show his weakness in front of his friends.

In general, you won’t achieve anything here using forceful methods.

Here you need to act on the sly. Constantly putting the faithful before a choice when his wife or friends. To the point of setting soft ultimatums. If you go to your next bachelor party, you will sleep on the floor in the evening. Another time I went - then I’ll go to a bachelorette party. For two weeks.

Well? Doesn't help?

How old is your marriage? Thirty five? Then everything is clear. Then it’s too late to set conditions. He will absolutely prefer the company of friends.

You need to put your husband before a choice between you and them in the first years of marriage. As long as you can give him or not give him what he really wants. And what, for obvious reasons, friends cannot give. Then yes. Then he will prefer you. That his friends won't forgive him. They will tease you. Make fun. Pin up.

Why is it one step away from insults and quarrels?

Look - friendship is apart!

Probably, the ideal, no matter how absurd it may sound, is to chain the husband to the radiator at home so that he has no one at all. Except you. Neither with boyfriends, nor with girlfriends. To be only yours.

There was something like this in my practice. That husband practically never left the house. I sat near the computer from morning to night and did something like that. What did he get paid for?

“He’s at home all the time,” the wife complained.

How is it like this all the time?

So! Morning, afternoon, evening, night. On weekdays, on weekends. Summer, autumn, winter... All the time!

Why don't you like this?

Because it's boring. We don’t go to the theater, to visit people, or on weekends. I'm tired of sitting within four walls.

What does the husband say?

He doesn't say anything. He looks at the computer.

How did he live before? Before you?

Terrible. He drank to the point of insanity. Walking...

Are you more satisfied with this option?

Of course not!

Then adapt to it. Moreover, it is beneficial to you. Your husband will always be with you! Firstly, because he will not have the opportunity to meet anyone. Secondly, he will gradually lose the habit of communicating with people and will become a forced homebody.

And you can have fun alone. I don't think he will protest much against this. If only you would leave him alone.

Strictly speaking, that woman was lucky, since she had a husband and the means to make a good living and was completely protected from betrayal and abandonment. Others only dream about this!

But in the end, you can’t create a vacuum around your husband. But only adjust his acquaintances, bringing some closer, moving others away.

This one is good. A family man, a teetotaler, plays chess. This can be left. But remove that one. Drunkard, reveler, ignorant, rude. And this one is generally “blue” and, therefore, directly threatens family happiness.

But what if dangerous friends don’t go away?

Be friends with them! Yes, yes, you heard right. That's exactly what it's like to be friends. And not only together with her husband, but also independently.

I categorically do not advise breaking off relations with them, no matter how unpleasant they may be. Otherwise, if you quarrel with them, you will not be able to control your husband. Which is very important.

You must be allowed into all the houses where your husband enters! In all without exception. Then your spouse will have nowhere to go.

“I went to Peter,” he says.

Maybe to Peter, maybe not to Peter. How to check?

“I’ll go with you,” you declare.

No, you can't. Inconvenient.

What's inconvenient? Is it inconvenient to see Petka? I'll come to Petka at any hour. We're friends!

Well? It was not possible to escape in an unknown direction.

You can also call your friends. At least have this opportunity.

You don't have mine? Then give it here.

If your husband's friends do not make contact, you can make friends with their wives. And call and come to them. Or ask to report on your husband’s movements. Out of a sense of female solidarity.

And your husband can’t escape anywhere. Because control!

Chapter 51. SINGLE PURPOSE AS A MEANS OF UNITY

Friendship between a man and a woman is an eternal dilemma that everyone argues about. How many people, so many opinions. These feelings go hand in hand through life. Can ordinary, friendly relationships arise without falling in love and romantic feelings? Love and friendship have a lot in common - it can be difficult to understand where the border is, and to distinguish it. To begin with, it is important to understand these concepts and determine their meanings. What are romantic feelings and what are friendships?

Love - we can talk about it endlessly, it is one of the strongest and most beautiful feelings that people experience. It has many meanings and forms. Main types of love:

• Eros - romantic feelings, sympathy towards a man or woman;
• Storge - implies feelings for relatives, family;
• Philia – feelings that are expressed towards close friends;
• Agape is love for God.

Every facet of love contains a feeling of deep affection for another person. She encourages you to live for others and give back. Throughout human history, many heroic, beautiful, fantastic deeds have been committed in the name of love. It doesn't always have a happy ending. But it always makes the one who shows it happy. The ability to love others enriches and eliminates selfishness.

Friendship is a relationship between people based on love, honesty, and sincerity. Close friends have mutual sympathy, common goals and interests, and complete trust among themselves. Friends help each other become better people.

The concepts of love and friendship, as you can see, are closely related. These feelings simply cannot exist separately. There are no friends who don't love. Yes, and sympathy will arise if the foundation is good friendship. More than one example has shown that the secret happy marriage there are close, trusting relationships before marriage. A husband and wife simply have to be best friends.

Common grounds for friendship and romantic feelings

Both falling in love and good friendship are characterized by attraction. People who communicate closely, like couples in love, can miss each other. They have a desire to often spend time together and call each other.

Both friendship and love imply close relationships. The desire to share your innermost thoughts, your feelings, dreams, goals. A loved one or friend becomes special, closer than everyone else. A connection based on understanding and trust is possible in both cases.

Friendship or love is simply not possible without mutual respect. You cannot say that you love a person and at the same time treat him carelessly or somehow humiliate his dignity. Both feelings encourage mutual support. Thanks to this, any relationship becomes stronger, develops and is more valued. And, of course, time spent together brings pleasure. It's nice to laugh together and look forward to the next meeting.

How are they different?

This is not love, but friendship, how can you be sure? While friendships and romantic relationships have many things in common, there are also significant differences. These concepts can be distinguished in many ways. Of course, good friends have a lot in common; they may have the same views on life and common aspirations. But simply good friends do not strive for the common realization of their goals. Only potential families plan a future together.

You can determine the true attitude towards a person by the amount of attention provided. Even the strongest friendships don't have as much time commitment as romantic relationships. Lovers spend all their free time, every minute, on each other. And if this is not so, then this is not love, but friendship, or even something less.

When two people love, they do not have the concepts of “I”, “me”, “mine”, they say “we”, “us”, “ours”. Comrades have a need for each other, but still each of them has their own life. Friends go through life in parallel, side by side, and when they bind the bonds of love, the two become one. Of course, the relationship between couples in love is in many ways closer and warmer than friendly feelings. Based on these aspects, it is not difficult to distinguish and understand the difference between friendship and a serious love relationship.

From friendship to love

Can a good friendship develop into something more? The answer is obvious: yes, it is possible. As already written above, strong families make good friends. No one is safe from love. And it’s more difficult to distinguish this fine line. Friendship develops into closer relationships gradually and imperceptibly. Therefore, it is not possible to determine immediately. Relationships become warmer and stronger, a person becomes simply irreplaceable in life. This is how they have been friends since childhood, sitting at the same desk, sharing their innermost secrets. But they claim that they are just friends, there is no talk of love. But suddenly something happens and the two fall in love. It’s great if these feelings are mutual, it will make a wonderful family.

Of course, this feeling does not always arise. The question cannot be answered in the affirmative. Some will say “no”, others will say “yes”. It all depends on each situation individually.

There are many examples of friendship between opposite sexes. But there are no less examples when it grew into warmer and more tender relationships. Sympathy and close relationships may arise, but they will not be romantic, but rather like family ones. Two people can be united by common memories, the past, they are comfortable together. But there is a different kind of love between them. The relationship between a man and a woman can be like that of a brother and sister. But again, no one is immune; even very long ordinary communication can develop into romance. It is not always easy to understand and sort out your feelings. Time spent together will help determine this. Love and friendship are the kindest and brightest facets of human relationships. It’s great when they harmoniously complement each other. Regardless of whether it is friendship or love.

They say it's a secret perfect marriage is that a husband and wife should be best friends first. This makes sense - family psychologists have repeatedly confirmed that if partners perceive each other as friends, their relationship lasts much longer.

But what if the feelings we have for the man we love are purely platonic? What if we see him as a best friend, a reliable support, but to romantic feelings and sexual desire these experiences have nothing to do with each other? There are several factors that we more often associate with romantic relationships, although they are also important in friendships.

What friendship and love have in common

1. Attraction. Attraction to another may not necessarily be sexual or romantic. Best friends tend to attract each other. And people who have been friends for many years, when separated, can experience the same feelings as lovers.

2. Proximity. When we open up to someone, share dreams, thoughts, goals and plans, then this person naturally becomes much closer to others. Well, if we receive the same frankness in response, then a strong connection arises, based on trust and understanding. And this is possible both between friends and between lovers.

3. Respect. Healthy romantic relationships are built on mutual respect, and the same can be said about friendships. But it cannot be said that if you admire a loved one, then you feel something other than friendly feelings for him. Friends whom you can admire and rejoice in their successes will only make you better, inspiring you to new achievements, and their reciprocal respect will not let you give up even in the most difficult situations.

4. Support. Providing mutual support is a fundamental task in both friendships and romantic relationships. It helps us to blossom, develop, change and endure whatever happens to us.

5. Pleasure. Enjoy each other's company and have fun together, laugh at the same jokes and wait new meeting- this still does not mean that you are having an affair. But this is definitely a sure sign that you are very, very good friends.

How is love different from friendship?

The first and main difference is sex. But here, too, the boundaries today are partly blurred - we must not forget about the existence of “sex for friendship.” However, there are other aspects of relationships that distinguish lovers from close friends.

1. General goals. Only romantic couples plan their future together. And although friends may completely coincide in their views on religion, politics and lifestyle, their life goals do not strive for a common denominator.

2. Time and attention. In romantic relationships, partners devote all their free time and attention to each other, which can never be found even in the strongest friendship. Two people choose to focus on each other, and the attention they receive from the other makes them feel comfortable. Conversely, if one of the two no longer wants to waste energy on their partner, this may mean the imminent end of the relationship.

3. Interdependence. Social psychologist Caryl Rusbult argues that the determining factor in a romantic relationship can be considered the degree of interdependence between the partners. Yes, friends depend on each other, but the lives of lovers are tightly intertwined. While in a relationship, two people rely more and more on each other and eventually replace “I” and “you” with “we.”

Commitments are often forgotten, and this determines whether a relationship remains friendly or turns romantic

4. Positive illusions. In a healthy relationship, partners are fascinated by each other. They have high expectations and ideas about their loved one, which often do not coincide with reality. But psychologists Sandra Murray, John Holmes and Dale Griffin believe that this is absolutely normal. It is these rosy dreams that distinguish love from more realistic friendships.

5. Influence. Of course, friends influence decision-making, goals and plans, preferences and prospects, but a loved one here has more power. We tend to make our partners part of our sense of self, to perceive ourselves through the prism of our loved one. This is impossible with friends.

6. Obligations. They are often forgotten, and according to Caryl Rusbult, this determines whether a relationship remains friendly or turns romantic. The very decision to begin a romantic relationship foreshadows stability and reflects a conscious choice in favor of working on creating a couple.

"Making a decision about the future of a relationship is a big step that requires weighing all the pros and cons, opportunities, benefits and investments that have already been made," says Caryl Rusbult. And although most friends may become good partners, it is the decision and desire to devote your life to someone alone that determines the success of a romantic union.