Just a month ago I got married. My husband and I quickly decided to get married. Based on the experience of past mistakes, I stopped myself from finding out his past, although I visually knew my ex-girlfriend for a long time, but I didn’t ask anything, because I know that I can be loaded with jealousy. In the end my most close friend at her sister’s work, while talking about the wedding, she mentioned where my husband works. One of the colleagues clarified some information and revealed that this was the one who had been following her friend. That's exactly the word. She kicked him out, argued with his mother because he even left the house (and for him, home and mother are wow), and spun him around. The whole bitch that he died and loved. She ended up leaving him and now she has a child and everything is fine. I don’t know why my friend told me about this, I just went cold, and away we go. I check my phone, I found her numbers, although there are no SMS, no incoming or outgoing calls. I found out the address by phone, without asking his parents at home I found photos from distant parties, some invitations to the two of them, I feel like I can’t stop, although I understand that all this is the past... It already seems to me that he got married because it’s time, and because my mother liked me, and because he doesn’t love me at all. I’m already on the verge of a breakdown, I understand that I didn’t give reasons, etc. I can’t ask - I’m afraid I’ll make it even worse, because I didn’t get all the information open way. I feel like my happiness has literally been poisoned. I was hovering, but now I have no desire to communicate with my husband. What should I do?

Alice, Kazan, 25 years old / 09.16.08

Our experts' opinions

• Alena

  Well, first of all, it’s worth thinking about who you call “girlfriend.” Knowing your character, laying out such information to you - she clearly did not do it for the sake of your happiness and peace of mind. Secondly, it is worth thinking about your own behavior, and seriously. Did you so easily believe what your friend told you, who was told by her friend’s colleague from her friend? Isn't it funny? It's a pity. Of course, everything was exactly like that - the guy was just dragging around, dying, loving and dragging around, and she didn’t care about him, so they were invited to parties and other events as a couple, they posed side by side in photographs, etc. You know, let's think about the fact that if a guy is over 25 years old, then he almost certainly had a great and bright first love, or even a second or third. Rarely does anyone preserve themselves while waiting for “someone”. Or are you an exception? You didn’t have anyone, not a single guy who could, under certain circumstances, become your husband? So what's the problem? Well, I loved you, so what? Have you been dragging around? Did you sew it off? So much the better, because a derogatory attitude towards someone who is in love is the best cure for this very love. The problem is not who your husband loved before. The problem is that you don't love yourself at all. And for some reason you think that you are worse than any other woman your man might meet. Hence the jealousy even towards the shadows of the past - you think that you are not up to that woman. In general, this is a reason to consult a psychologist. And as an emergency measure - stop looking at old photographs and reading old invitations to parties, look in the mirror more often and smile at the woman you see there, look at wedding photos (your own!), regularly have sex with your husband and remember what, whom If and when your husband loved you, he would marry you, which means you turned out to be better than everyone else. It’s especially worth focusing on this thought: you are the chosen one. And, to be honest, I got the impression that you have a lot of free time if you spend it looking for old skeletons in other people’s closets. Maybe you should occupy yourself with something really worthwhile?

I didn't get married out of great love. It happened that way. My wife knew about this, so she didn’t bother me with stupid questions, she didn’t get into my soul, and she was an excellent hostess. She gave birth to my daughter. The house is clean, comfortable, but my soul is empty. I filled it with whatever I could: work, friends, football. It doesn’t matter where - just not home, especially if you knew that your daughter was spending the night with her grandmothers. That day I didn’t want to go home either. Park, beer, friends. An hour passed, two, three... I didn’t call my wife, I didn’t consider it necessary.

I turned off my phone so it wouldn't ring. Now the guys began to disperse, but there was still no desire to go home. I don’t remember how I wandered into some cafe, sat down, and ordered myself another beer. In anticipation, he closed his eyes out of boredom.

Guess who?

Soft feminine palms covered my eyes. I would recognize this voice from a million others.

Lesya! What are you doing here?

Well, that’s not interesting at all! – Lesya pouted and lowered her green slanted eyes, “I stopped by for a snack.” I'm on a business trip!

Lesya is my first love, passion, my madness. I knew her since childhood, our mothers studied together. In general, until the age of 14 we were just friends, then her father got a promotion and they moved to another city. For three long years we corresponded and called each other several times a year. On vacation, she came to her grandmother as a different, matured, prettier seventeen-year-old beauty, with slanting green eyes and unruly curly dark brown curls that smelled of apples and cinnamon. For half the summer I couldn’t make up my mind, and then I just kissed her. She answered me ardently, passionately. Since then we have hardly been apart.

But the summer flew by unnoticed - Olesya left for 10 long months. Autumn always made me sad. The thought stuck in my head: “Is she alone? Maybe she has someone?!” I was going crazy. I dreamed that some strange guy was holding her close, twirling her curls around his fingers and inhaling the aroma of apples and cinnamon. And she gently and languidly whispers in his ear: “I love...”

This thought was unbearable, it seemed to tear my soul to shreds and was ready to switch to my mind... So when former classmate Marina invited me to a birthday party and I agreed without hesitation. I just honestly thought I could take my mind off things. I drank too much, woke up in Marinka’s bed and she was next to me, so close, so warm.

From that time on, I periodically visited Marina. She was always glad to see me, did not demand anything, did not ask for anything. She simply gave passionate nights, looked at me with her warm brown eyes, gently held his hand, said that he loved…. This was a cure for the mental pain that separation from Olesya caused me. Selfish? May be. I didn’t think about Marinka’s condition at all then.

Time passed. Olesya arrived in mid-June. She looked even prettier: slender, stately, tall with dark brown curls that still smelled like apple and cinnamon. She said that she passed the exam ahead of schedule and that she was ready to transfer to the correspondence department. I was happy. After work, I was recently accepted as an intern at a car repair shop, I went to pick her up and we wandered aimlessly around the city at night. She kissed me, sometimes tenderly, sometimes with passion, I was shaking with desire, but I waited...

That night I walked Lesya to the gate.

I don't want to go home... - She pressed her whole body against me, - I... I... love you.

Lesya led me into the yard. There, on the grass, under the starry night sky, what I dreamed about happened. It was not the satisfaction of an animal instinct, as with Marina. At that moment I felt happy. I loved her, she loved me and this moment became unforgettable...

Listen, Les, maybe we can apply? – I looked into her green eyes.

Are you asking me to marry? – Lesya stood up and threw back her long dark hair. - Why not! Come on in the fall! We need to tell our parents...

Life went on as usual. I didn't think about Marina. My conscience was silent. It was only in mid-August that she received an SMS with the following content: “I’m pregnant. Duration 14 weeks. I hope you are not indifferent to our fate.” My state was close to panic. Marina is pregnant! I couldn't work. My head was spinning, my tools were falling out of my hands.

You should go home! – Mikhalych, the shift supervisor, looked at me condescendingly, “Otherwise you’ll screw it up again, and then I’ll have to clean it up.”

I didn’t go home; my feet naturally carried me to Olesya’s house. I saw her through the slightly open gate, so thin, fragile, graceful in the bright blue dress just below the knees... Her curls were gathered into a tight braid, and only at the temples there were funny, cute curls. Olesya was hanging out laundry in the yard and humming something to herself, so she didn’t immediately notice my appearance.

Kirya, did something happen? You don't have a face!

Les, here’s the thing... Just listen to me to the end...Don't interrupt, okay? – I lowered my head and began the story.

Olesya listened to me in silence, biting her lips. My eyes were clouded with tears. I saw that she was in pain, but I simply could not remain silent any longer. I swore my love to her, said that I would help Marina if she decided to give birth. I wanted to hug Olesya to me, but she pushed me away:

I need to think... Don't call me today... Go home.

Lesya walked me to the gate and smiled condescendingly, and then I sincerely believed that everything would be fine with us.

The next day I ran to her full of determination and inspiration. For some reason, my entire consciousness was filled with the confidence that Olesya had forgiven me...

Lesya’s grandmother opened the door for me.

Lesya left to visit her parents. Go in peace! – the gray-haired woman shook her head reproachfully – Forget your granddaughter.

I tried to call, but the monotonous female voice invariably repeated: “The subscriber is not answering or is out of network coverage.” I screamed into the phone, but this voice didn’t care how I felt and this infuriated me even more.

I began to curse them: Marina for appearing in my life, for her caresses, for her message; Olesya for not being able to forgive and understand, for leaving, for not explaining herself. Then I realized that it was all my fault and I hated myself.

Gradually I came to terms with the idea of ​​impending fatherhood. Seeing Marina again seemed like a test. He held out until the last minute. We only met in October. She looked touching and defenseless. And I decided - I’ll get married. I'll marry evil Olesya.

They celebrated the wedding, despite the fact that Marinka was eight months pregnant. And exactly a month later Marina gave birth to a daughter, a little ahead of schedule. These were my 48 centimeters of happiness! Yes, I didn’t feel love for my wife, but a daughter is completely different.

And only at night now I dreamed of Olesya, either in a blue dress just below the knees with eyes full of resentment and tears, or naked in the light of the stars with dark blond curls scattered over her shoulders, from which she invariably smelled of apples and cinnamon... And then I woke up in bed with Marina and thought about how everything could have turned out if... Oh, that “IF”….

Lizochka grew up, began to stay at night with her grandmothers, and I increasingly began to stay late at work, with friends. Marina waited, made no complaints, did not complain about life, and that suited me.

However, I did not stop searching for my beloved. And some time ago I found Olesya in one of the popular social networks. The status read: “Happy again!” It became offensive. I thought about the text of the letter for a long time, wrote to her that I was happy, that I was happy with Marina, that I loved her madly. I wrote about Lizochka that we want a second child! I lied!

Lesya answered quickly: “I’m glad for you!” And that’s it, silence...

And today I again heard her voice in reality, so clear and sonorous. I heard it for the first time in eight years many years. Olesya had hardly changed, only her dark blond curls now shone bronze. She looked at me and this look drove me crazy, excited my mind, awakened memories.

What are you doing here yourself? Where is Marina? – Olesya asked with undisguised curiosity.

And then it burst through me! I talked about how I married her to spite her, that I didn’t love Marina and still don’t love her, that I didn’t want to go home, that I turned off the phone... Everything was in the spirit. She listened in silence, twirling a strand of her beautiful hair around her thin finger. The smile disappeared somewhere from her face. There was no longer joy in the eyes, it was replaced by a storm of indignation.

Gomakov, no one told you that you are a bastard? – Olesya’s voice became cold and somehow alien. - Poor Marinka.

Olesya stood up and headed towards the exit.

Should I accompany you?

I blamed myself for being so frank.

Look, it looks like you can only love yourself... And yes,” Olesya turned around, “Gomakov, you never knew how to appreciate what you have...

I lived alone for two weeks. The rented apartment became unusually quiet. No one greeted me from work, did not ask how things were, there was no smell of pies, no children’s laughter was heard. I began to miss everything that I had recently... And Lesya’s last words could not get out of my head. I realized that I really never appreciated what I had: first I jeopardized my relationship with Olesya, then I blatantly used Marina, then I got married and did not value either my wife or our family…. I realized that I was selfish, a pathetic narcissistic cretin!

Now I constantly dreamed of Marina. She looked at me reproachfully with her tired brown eyes. Sometimes I dreamed about Lisa, who was not childishly sensible and strict. In these dreams, my daughter sometimes looked at me silently, sometimes, shaking her head, she said: “Dad, how could you!” And I didn’t know what to answer her.

Then, two weeks ago, I returned home after midnight. The apartment greeted me with cold and emptiness. I called Marina, and in response there was silence. I fell face down on the assembled sofa and thought I would fall asleep, but it didn’t work out. Lesya’s voice insistently sounded inside me: “You can only love yourself…. You never knew how to appreciate what you have...” Is this really true? I got up and went to the kitchen - silence. Marina is not there. There's a note on the table! Just 3 words: “I am not made of iron.” I sat down on a chair. My thoughts were confused. I turned on the still sleeping phone. Eight unanswered calls from my wife. With a shaking hand, I dialed Marina’s number: “The subscriber is not answering...”. My head started spinning. I found my mother-in-law's number in an old notebook. While I was typing, I almost went crazy. Beep, one more...

Marina is with me. I just fell asleep. Don't call! – Olga Vasilievna passed out.

“Mom, Lisa and her mother are at the dacha!” - flashed through my head. The mother answered immediately. She spoke dryly, strictly, without sparing my pride. She did not skimp on expressions. The main thing is that I realized that Marina came to pick up her daughter, explained everything and got into a taxi with Lizonka.

I was left alone, alone with my thoughts, feelings, memories. A clear picture formed in my head: I am a bastard, Marina is patient, loving, gentle... Yes, I had to carry her in my arms, thank her for the comfort, warmth, affection, for the daughter she gave me. Appreciate her dedication and patience. And I didn’t just not appreciate... I mocked....

For two weeks I lived in a fog. I realized that I wanted to see Marina next to me always, and Olesya was just a bright memory. My wife is my love, true, beautiful, bright. The one who was always nearby, but I stubbornly did not notice her...

I decided - come what may and went to Olga Vasilievna. I couldn't come empty-handed. I understood that it would not be so sweet, so I decided to myself that a good bouquet for my mother-in-law would help soften the blow...

Press the call button... For about twenty minutes I couldn’t even decide to do that. He stood like a fool at the door...

What do you want? – the mother-in-law said with a heavy sigh, “Lisa is walking!”

I’m visiting Marina, Olga Vasilievna,” I handed my mother-in-law a bouquet of yellow chrysanthemums.

Suddenly! Okay, come in! You still need to talk!

The wife was bustling around in the kitchen. It smelled of apples and cinnamon, but the smell no longer attracted me as before.

Why did you come? – Marina asked, wiping her hands on her checkered apron.

Follow you! Marina, I love you! Sorry for everything!

A warm sparkle flashed in his brown eyes.

Marinochka, you hear me, I will never hurt you again! – my voice trembled. Marina squatted down and began to cry. I stood and looked at her, so sweet, dear, close. I no longer needed Olesya’s chiseled beauty, I needed my wife with her warm brown eyes, her dimples, her light brown hair. I wanted to make her happy!

I didn't get married out of great love. It happened that way.

My wife knew about this, so she didn’t bother me with stupid questions, she didn’t get into my soul, and she was an excellent hostess.

We lived alone in a big house. I did not come home on time, most often I returned in the morning. She called me because she was afraid to be alone. I came home and shouted at her, after which I went back to my party. 2 months have passed since our wedding, I found out that I would be a father.

She was not particularly happy with this news, and who would want the father of her child to be such an idiot. She often arranged a beautiful dinner, cooked everything I loved, bought me gifts, tried to attract my attention to herself, but I was unapproachable.

Why do I need her, I thought, when life can be wonderful without her? This is how our days passed, my screams, her tears, my breakdowns, her silence. She never said anything back to me, she just cried. I specifically corresponded with the girls in front of her, showing them the gifts I gave them. I was happy with my carefree life.

And now, today, almost 4 o’clock in the morning, and she still hasn’t called. I think, thank God, she accepted it, but at the same time, deep down, it worried me. It’s already 5, then 6, there’s not even a text message from her. I returned home and she wasn’t there, damn it, what an idiot I am, she went to see her parents for 3 days during the day, I remembered. Second day, there is silence in the house, no smell of her food, no cute gift from her on my nightstand, no call, no text. I missed it, I missed it all wildly, but I didn’t want to realize it.

I called her and started yelling at her again, why didn’t she call, why was she gone for so long, that I needed to wash my things and honor the house. She only replied that she would arrive this evening. To pass the time before her arrival, I went out. I was drawn in and sat until 3 in my company, only then I remembered her, I looked at the phone, it turned out that it was discharged.

I returned home, she was sitting by the door and her tears were flowing. That night, I spoke to her more calmly, and she answered me, smiling through her tears.

We talked with her until the morning. As the days passed, I realized that I was now flying home, that I wanted nothing more than her smile.

It was in the fall: I entered the railway college. Since I lived in a village, I had to travel every day by train and then by tram to my place of study. I spent two whole hours on the road, sometimes falling asleep in the transport. Once on the tram a girl woke me up: “Wake up, we’ve arrived.” When asked how she knew where to stand, she said that she had seen me in college.

So we started talking, her name was Anya. It turned out that the girl travels on the same train as me. We started driving together, often playing cards or talking along the way. I felt sympathy for Anya, and she felt sympathy for me too. But no one dared to take the first step. We remained friends. Soon Anya started dating a guy, I was jealous in my heart. Realizing that she was busy, I also found myself a girlfriend. But my friend and I didn’t stop communicating. Two months later, Anya broke up with her boyfriend, I supported her as best I could. Soon I broke up with my girlfriend, but Anya already had another one. And this happened all the time, if Anya didn’t date anyone, then I did. When I broke up, Anya already had a boyfriend.

Three and a half years have passed. And finally the moment came that we were both free. And one day on the train Anya suddenly kissed me. This was our first kiss after three years. We started dating. Now I was truly happy. And then, three months later, we completed our training and practice began. Due to constant employment, I rarely saw my beloved - I was always busy. And we moved away from each other. They began to correspond less often, saw each other extremely rarely, and stopped communicating altogether.

Two years later, I found out that Anya got married and was expecting a child. Opposite feelings were mixed in my soul: I was happy for her, but at the same time I didn’t want to see her with someone else. And then a year later I saw her, she changed, became more serious, the sparkle in her eyes disappeared. She said that she had a daughter and lives with her husband.

Realizing that I was superfluous in Anya’s life, I met Vika. My parents liked her and we started living together. A year later he proposed to her, and we got married. Vika cooked delicious food, but every day was monotonous: I came home from work, we had dinner and went to bed. Although Vika was an exemplary wife, there was nothing to talk to her about.

I increasingly began to remember Anya, with whom every day was new, we could talk for days. And so I decided to write to her, just to ask how she was doing. It turned out that Anya divorced her husband, he drank and did not bring money, and treated her like a housekeeper. Now she is alone with her daughter, but at the same time she is happy that no one else reproaches or points her out. At that moment I wanted to return to Anya, because only with her I was happy and only with her did I truly love. But I have a wife and I cannot part with her, because Vika loves me. And I know how painful it is to lose a loved one. Now I'm torn between unloved wife and beloved ex. And there is only one thought in my head: I married the wrong one.

I didn't get married out of great love. It happened that way. My wife knew about this, so she didn’t bother me with stupid questions, she didn’t get into my soul, and she was an excellent hostess. She gave birth to my daughter. The house is clean, comfortable, but my soul is empty. I filled it with whatever I could: work, friends, football. It doesn’t matter where - just not home, especially if you knew that your daughter was spending the night with her grandmothers.

That day I didn’t want to go home either. Park, beer, friends. An hour passed, two, three... I didn’t call my wife, I didn’t consider it necessary. I turned off my phone so it wouldn't ring. Now the guys began to disperse, but there was still no desire to go home. I don’t remember how I wandered into some cafe, sat down, and ordered myself another beer. In anticipation, he closed his eyes out of boredom.

Popular:

- Guess who?

Soft feminine palms covered my eyes. I would recognize this voice from a million others.

- Lesya! What are you doing here?

- Well, that’s not interesting at all! - Lesya pouted and lowered her green slanted eyes, - Stopped by for a snack. I'm on a business trip!

Lesya is my first love, passion, my madness. I knew her since childhood, our mothers studied together. In general, until the age of 14 we were just friends, then her father got a promotion and they moved to another city. For three long years we corresponded and called each other several times a year. On vacation, she came to her grandmother as a different, matured, prettier seventeen-year-old beauty, with slanting green eyes and unruly curly dark brown curls that smelled of apples and cinnamon. For half the summer I couldn’t make up my mind, and then I just kissed her. She answered me ardently, passionately. Since then we have hardly been apart.

But the summer flew by unnoticed - Olesya left for 10 long months. Autumn always made me sad. The thought stuck in my head: “Is she alone? Maybe she has someone?!” I was going crazy. I dreamed that some strange guy was holding her close, twirling her curls around his fingers and inhaling the aroma of apples and cinnamon. And she gently and languidly whispers in his ear: “I love...” This thought was unbearable, it seemed to tear my soul to shreds and was ready to switch to my mind.... Therefore, when my former classmate Marina invited me to her birthday, I agreed without hesitation. I just honestly thought I could take my mind off things. I drank too much, woke up in Marinka’s bed and she was next to me, so close, so warm.

From that time on, I periodically visited Marina. She was always glad to see me, did not demand anything, did not ask for anything. She simply gave passionate nights, looked at me with her warm brown eyes, gently held my hand, said that she loved me... This was a cure for the mental pain that separation from Olesya caused me. Selfish? May be. I didn’t think about Marinka’s condition at all then. Loading…

Time passed. Olesya arrived in mid-June. She looked even prettier: slender, stately, tall with dark brown curls that still smelled like apple and cinnamon. She said that she passed the exam ahead of schedule and that she was ready to transfer to the correspondence department. I was happy. After work, I was recently accepted as an intern at a car repair shop, I went to pick her up and we wandered aimlessly around the city at night. She kissed me, sometimes tenderly, sometimes with passion, I was shaking with desire, but I waited...

That night I walked Lesya to the gate.

- I don’t want to go home... - She pressed her whole body against me, - I... I... love you.

Lesya led me into the yard. There, on the grass, under the starry night sky, what I dreamed about happened. It was not the satisfaction of an animal instinct, as with Marina. At that moment I felt happy. I loved her, she loved me and this moment became unforgettable...

- Listen, Les, maybe we can file an application? - I looked into her green eyes.

-Are you asking me to marry? - Lesya stood up and threw back her long dark hair. “Why not!” Come on in the fall! We need to tell our parents...