Hello, dear readers! Today I would like to raise the topic of relationships between parents and children. The most common question at a psychological appointment is what to do if my mother does not understand me. Conflicts, quarrels, differences of opinions can lead to a breakdown in relationships. But a mother is the closest person in the world. What could be the reasons, how to avoid conflicts, how to build harmony in relationships with parents?

Generation difference

Mutual misunderstanding between generations has existed for as long as people have lived on the planet. Every older generation believes that young people do not know how to think at all, are engaged in some kind of nonsense, do not understand life and are wasting their time. Unfortunately, there is no escape from this.

When I was fourteen years old, I thought that I would never say anything bad about young people. I've always considered myself very understanding. It remains that way. But this doesn’t reduce the number of questions for today’s children. And, being a mother, I understand that the gap between generations is not a myth.

Remember that your mother was raised in a different time, there were others, educational process It was a little different than it is now. And she does as best she can. She has her own principles and boundaries, beyond which she will most likely never go. If you constantly remind yourself of this, conversation will become easier.

Just tell yourself: mom doesn’t understand this, she grew up in a different time, she has her own history behind her.

If you try to understand the issue of generational differences, it will become much easier for you. Take it more calmly. with parents, trying to gain understanding from them. This method will lead to nothing but a bigger quarrel.

You have to look for the positives in everything. Find what in your mother's system fascinates, attracts and interests you. After all, your mother probably knows something that can be very useful to you in life. She has a lot of experience, she has already gone through so much. Take her experience for yourself and use it. Take advantage of the fact that she is from a different generation.

It's not easy being a teenager

In adolescence, misunderstandings with mothers often reach their peak. Problems arise due to clothing, hobbies, free time and much more. Parents dictate how to dress, what to read and where to go to college. This causes tension in relationships. Screams, scandals, punishments. You constantly quarrel with your mother. How to avoid this and protect yourself?

Try to hear what your mother is telling you. Nobody forbids you to have your own opinion. Remember that your parents have a lot of experience and can tell you the right things that you just don't understand right now. Don't be offended or quarrel with your mother. Enter into a dialogue with her, ask why she thinks so.

There are different parenting policies: the mother acts as a friend; Mom is always right and cannot be wrong; parents provide the right to vote, but also impose responsibility; and others.

In a situation where the mother does not accept the opinions of others, it will be incredibly difficult to come to an agreement with her. You will most likely have to do what you love in your free time. If you want to draw, but your mother is categorically against it, don’t give up your hobby, practice and study, become a professional. Ultimately, when you show your mom the result, she may reconsider her view of your hobby.

It is very difficult with parents who do not give their child the right to vote. The mother of one of my friends still scolds her. There is work - you devote little time to family. No job - but you haven’t achieved anything by your thirties. There are relationships - why do you constantly choose such terrible men. No partner - you are an old maid and will remain so forever.

When I ask a friend how she struggles with her mother’s attitude, she says: I just agree with her, there is no point in arguing and proving something, she won’t hear, I can’t change her, but I can take it easier myself.

It doesn't get easier over the years

You have already grown out of adolescence, graduated from college, found a job, and perhaps you have a partner. You are an independent adult. But mother still does not understand you, criticizes you for any decision and...

You can try to explain to your mother what she doesn't understand. But be prepared for counter-arguments, questions, examples of her friends and much more. Prepare for this conversation in advance. Make a list of possible complaints from your mother, predict her questions. Try to lead. Ask counter questions, find out her opinion.

Perhaps your mother doesn't understand your passion for fishing because she had a water-related accident as a child. There are many reasons why your mother may not understand your actions. Sometimes, parents think that they are right and that’s it.

But it happens that behind conflicts there is something more than simple confidence in one’s rightness.
Try to understand why your parents are critical of your actions. If they have had similar experiences in the past, then I advise you to listen and take note. Information is never superfluous in this case. Listen to your parents and collect moments from their lives that are useful to you.

In addition, parental misunderstanding may be due to overprotection and overprotection. Mom wants to protect you from disaster and scolds you in every possible way so that you stop doing something. Or she sees that yours is who you need. Or maybe a friend of hers has already encountered this and she sees history repeating itself with your work. You can directly ask your mother a question: are you fighting because you are trying to protect me?

Another option for misunderstanding on the part of your mother is her desire to fulfill her dream at your expense. As a child, she may have wanted to become a lawyer, but her parents were against it. And she decided to make a lawyer out of you. And you, against her wishes, became an engineer. So she doesn’t understand how this happened and why you don’t see all the benefits in working as a lawyer.

When a mother becomes a grandmother

You already have your own children, but you have not been able to build a relationship with your mother. She still doesn't understand you and you can't achieve balance in your relationship. Try to put yourself in your children's shoes. Do you have an understanding with them?

Parents may think that you are raising your children incorrectly. And because of this, conflicts arise. Try to explain that you are building relationships with the kids in your own way. If parents have complaints, let them explain and tell you what they think you are doing wrong.

You, in turn, listen, think and say thank you for the advice. Nobody obliges you to follow your mother’s parenting advice. But remember that she has been a mom much longer and may know something that will be useful.

You can give your mother the go-ahead to raise your child as a grandmother. And she has every right to do so. And you try to gain wisdom and experience, adopt interesting techniques.

Other people's parents

It often happens that our friends' parents understand us much better than our own. And vice versa. Our mother treats her friends and girlfriends with understanding, but treats us very categorically. What is the reason for this turn of events?

Put yourself in her shoes. Of course, she doesn't care much about your friends. That is why she is ready to treat their choice with great understanding. She is not responsible for your friend's fate. She doesn't feel responsible for other people's children. Therefore, he can afford to take a simpler approach to their behavior, relationships, choice of work, and so on.

Think about how you feel about other people's parents? After all, you probably judge and criticize them less. But you don’t always understand your mother. The closer a person is to us and the more we love him, the more moments there are for argument.

By and large, we all want our loved ones to be happy. And we try to help as best we can in the ways we can. Sometimes the methods are very harsh, but they mean caring.

Understanding and support

It is very important not to confuse the concepts of “understanding” and “support”. Many parents may not understand their children, but they provide the strongest support. In such a situation, “understanding” itself ceases to play an important role. Yes, your mother doesn’t understand why you dropped out of college, but she supports you, helps you find a job, pays for courses, and gives some advice.

Support is very important in . Without support it is very difficult to move forward. When a child knows that his parents will always be there, will always accept and help, then life is much easier for him.

Consider whether your mother is supportive. If yes, then the question of understanding comes into the background. If you do not feel supported, then you should talk to your parents about this topic. Explain how you feel, what you lack, how you would like to feel their attention and care.

In addition, do not forget that the relationship with your mother is not only her job, but also yours. Mothers also want to feel cared for, supported and understood by you. Be more tolerant, hardworking and calm. Work on your relationships. Try to speak honestly, take an interest in your mother’s life, what’s going on with her, how she feels, what interesting things are happening to her.

When you yourself begin to support your parents, take more care of them, and participate in their lives, only then can you count on achieving harmony in your relationship. Only if you work hard can we talk about mutual understanding.

Career question

Misunderstanding on your mother's part may relate to your line of work or your hobby. This mainly lies in the desire of your parents to provide you with a comfortable life. Mom wants to never experience a lack of money in her life. Thanks to this, professions such as economist and business process management have become popular. It seems that there is always a lot of money in these areas.

But the creative direction almost immediately goes into the trash bin. You can't make a living dancing. Nobody will buy your drawings. Your songs will eventually lead you to the tavern. Parents believe that only talented supergeniuses can make money through creativity. I won’t argue, people with some talent achieve some success. But it’s exactly the same in technical professions.

Success in one business or another does not depend on the direction. It depends on perseverance, hard work,... How many famous top managers do you know? I bet it's no more than a dozen. Why? Because in this area, as in creativity, great efforts must be made.

Thus, if your mother does not understand, first try to explain to her what you like about the profession, what fascinated you, why you chose this particular direction. Tell us about people who have achieved success in this. Share your plans and development path. Don't be offended if your mother still doesn't understand you. Grievances do not unite people, but vice versa. Don't hold it against your parents for misunderstanding.

Do what you love and enjoy it. And believe that mom will understand sooner or later.

Third wheel

Another area in which disagreements arise with parents is the choice of a partner. Mothers very often do not like the passions of their children. It’s not for nothing that there are so many jokes and tales about an evil mother-in-law and an unbearable mother-in-law. Love really often blinds people. And we may not see what mom sees.

You should always listen to her advice. But to follow them or not is entirely your choice.

When I was at school, my desk neighbor fell in love with a girl from a parallel class. The girl was sociable and attractive. The boy's mother was categorically against it. She forbade them to meet, locked her son at home, and punished him. As a result, I transferred him to another school. But all this did not prevent the young couple from getting married at the age of eighteen, secretly from their parents.

Recently there was an alumni reunion at school, where I met my deskmate. It turned out that his wife ran away with the fitness trainer, and at the same time grabbed a large part of the common property. One way or another, mom was right. I can’t say whether it was this or the experience of many years.

Your relationship is your responsibility. But it never hurts to listen to the opinions of your parents.
The main rule is don’t tell your mom about problems in your relationship. Often, the wrong opinion can be formed precisely because you share only the negative, constantly complaining about your husband or wife. Where can your mother’s love for your passion come from in this case?

On the contrary, try to tell as many positive things as possible. Share your joys and happiness. Create the impression of your partner that you yourself want. Then you will not have a question about how to improve the relationship between your chosen one and his parents.

Selecting the key

You can reach an understanding with your parents in different ways. The main thing is to be ready to work both on yourself and on your overall relationships. Remember that the result will not be achieved if you simply wait for understanding from the mother.

There is a wonderful phrase: nothing brings people together like a common enemy. I'm not trying to say that you and your mother need to find an opponent and fight against him together. There's no need to specifically look for it. Turn that phrase around. A common cause unites.

Find an activity with your mom that you two will enjoy. It could be anything. Cross-stitching, walking around the city, watching TV series, baking. The main thing is that this process captivates you and your mother. When you find a common cause, you can share experiences, brag about results, and discuss.

If you can't think of a common activity that both you and mom will enjoy, then join. Even if you don't like it. For example, your mother loves to dig in the garden, but you hate the soil, all these flowers, seedlings and so on. You can still try, it won’t hurt you, and mom is pleased that you devote time to her and help her.

Moreover, the most the right way to achieve understanding is talking. As much as possible and as honestly as possible. Don't raise your tone when trying to explain something, don't swear or be offended.

I hope you can reach mutual understanding with your parents. Love each other and remember that we have only one parents.

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Divorce topic married couple is not limited to just the divorce process. If there are common children in the family family relationships spouses who were previously married move to another plane. As a rule, minor children remain under the guardianship of only one of them. The desire not only to meet occasionally, but to take a full part in parenting forces former spouses to find compromises that suit both parties. What to do if the mother does not allow the father to see the child after the divorce? How can a father defend his rights legally?

The father's right to communicate with his child after divorce

In article No. 66 Family Code The Russian Federation has established the right of any parent to participate in the upbringing of children left in the custody of the other party. This is possible if during the divorce proceedings the judicial authorities did not establish any restriction on such joint participation. At the same time, the party that has the priority right to raise the child does not have the right to interfere with communication with the other parent.

According to statistics, as a result of divorce, children most often remain to live with their mother. If she voluntarily agrees to the father’s unlimited participation in the child’s life, then no problems arise. However, such a successful outcome is not always possible. Often, children left with their mother, for various, sometimes far-fetched reasons, are deprived of legal meetings with their father.

If the mother’s desire to prevent the father from communicating with his offspring does not have serious grounds and judicial restrictions, then the father in relation to his children has the right:

It should be noted that the father’s rights in relation to communication and upbringing of children left with his ex-wife are determined by several circumstances related to the following points:

• the age of the child;
• physical condition;
• mother's work schedule;
• the presence of comfortable conditions for meetings;
• the child's desire to communicate with the parent.

What to do if your ex-spouse does not allow you to see your child?

If the former spouses are unable to reach mutual understanding regarding the father’s share of participation in raising their common children, then the ongoing conflict will have to be resolved with the participation of the judiciary.

The party that considers itself to be the victim goes to court with a statement of claim. As a rule, judges consider a case from a point of view that creates best conditions specifically for the child, and only then it suits both spouses.

It should be borne in mind that ignoring fair claims from ex-wife may have a negative impact on the father's image when it comes to legal proceedings. For this reason, if conflict situations arise for either spouse the best solution there will be temporary concessions to the demands of the other side. Such behavior will certainly be taken into account positively when rendering a judicial verdict.

The father should not take any illegal actions that could cause moral injury ex-wife or a child, even in the case where the judicial authorities have issued a decree defining the order of communication with the child, but the ex-wife is trying to violate it. The father should not resolve the issue using forceful methods - taking the child away for a while without notifying the ex-wife and, moreover, trying to kidnap him.

Filing a claim

The first point in the legal resolution of a dispute between a father and mother regarding the joint upbringing of children is the preparation and filing of a claim in court for the observance of rights specified by law. In addition to a request for a legal decision, the statement of claim must contain the following mandatory information:

• name of the judicial authority to whose address the appeal was sent;
• applicant's passport details;
• information about the child;
• date of filing.

If the plaintiff has a clear understanding of what should be done after the divorce, and specific proposals for the order and method of communication with the child, this should also be included in the claim.

Evidence showing that the ex-spouse is interfering with the child's ability to see the child should also be provided to the court.

This evidence may include:

• documented witness statements;
• recordings of telephone conversations;
• correspondence between former spouses.

If the consideration of the claim is delayed, the court has the right, at the request of the applicant, to determine a temporary procedure for communication with children. Refusal of a positive decision determining the order of communication rarely happens in practice and only in the presence of exceptional circumstances. The main emphasis in consideration is on preserving the moral and physical health child.

Responsibility of the mother for violating the established order of meetings between the father and the child

If the spouses do not reach a mutual agreement and go to court, then in the future they are obliged to act strictly in accordance with the court decision. The procedure for communication between parents and children, determined in accordance with the law, is mandatory for both parties to comply with. The mother, under whose guardianship the child remains, has no right to violate the issued orders and interfere with the father’s communication with him.

Continued misconduct by the mother in violation of a court order may result in a retrial. If the ex-wife puts constant pressure on the child to create a negative image of the father, this may serve as a reason for making a decision that overturns the previous verdict. If there are such facts, they should be recorded, preferably with the help of third parties. The collected evidence base on the plaintiff’s balance and lack of conflict, as practice shows, is the main factor determining positive result in the consideration of a case regarding the right of a father to communicate with his child.

The father’s compliance with all points of the decision made in court, the systematic development of a strategy that does not violate the rights of the wife and, especially, the child, will significantly strengthen his position in the body considering the claim. After filing several lawsuits and presenting arguments, it is likely that judges will remove responsibility for raising the child from the mother and place it on the father.

In the public consciousness, the idea of ​​a union between mother and daughter, based on mutual, indissoluble, enduring love, exists as a sacred truth, exceptions to which are unacceptable according to the highest moral laws. What happens in life? Elena Verzina, psychologist, candidate of medical sciences, tells.

Note that mammals, which include the species Homo sapiens - lionesses, chimpanzees, dolphins, and even birds - eagles, swans, penguins, they also feed, raise and train their cubs, dolphins, penguins, until they can begin an independent life. True, unlike women, representatives of the animal world become pregnant, give birth and take care of their offspring, obeying exclusively the call of nature.

A woman gives birth to a child consciously and does it for herself.

Only for yourself! To satisfy the biological instinct of procreation; to realize oneself in the role of a mother according to the civilizational tradition and the commandments of religion; to start a family with a beloved man and live surrounded by loving children; so that there would be someone to look after her in old age; simply for their own health or even to obtain maternity capital. We are not considering here unplanned children who are born because “it happened”; but after the birth of a child, as a rule, love for the newborn is also born with an irresistible need to take care of him - that same maternal instinct! But what is a daughter’s love for her mother - also an instinct, or a programmed heartfelt feeling embedded in her heart when it beat under the mother’s heart, or is it conscious feeling gratitude to her mother, who gave her life and accompanied her on the difficult path of development, or is this the fulfillment of a duty prescribed by morality, despite the fact that failure to fulfill this duty will inevitably receive universal condemnation?

Alas, there are many everyday stories when daughters experience negative feelings towards their mothers -

deep, hidden feelings, even despite the outwardly good attitude towards them. Psychologists know how common such feelings are. For daughters experiencing this, it is very difficult to admit this not only to a psychologist, but also to themselves, except perhaps to take out their pain on an Internet forum, fortunately speaking openly and communicating with friends in misfortune softens the pain and, moreover, remains anonymous. It is pain, because the loss of the feeling of love for the mother is destructive to the psyche, this loss undermines the daughter’s confidence in her moral worth and jeopardizes the formation of healthy relationships with her own children.

Or maybe this is just a myth about holy love for a mother, created and cultivated in society in the interests of its stability, reproducibility, preservation of family units, and it is quite possible to move from holiness to balance, from a taboo subject to interested analysis? Let's put the question bluntly.

Is a loving attitude towards a mother an innate, eternal manifestation of daughterly feelings? And do we have the right to say that adult daughter immoral if instead of the beautiful “My mother is the most best mom in the world! she dares to say: “She ruined my life, but as a child she gave me her love, and I can’t help but be grateful to her for that,” or the most transcendental:

I don't love my mother.

We are not considering here children’s manifestations of childish grievances, well studied by psychologists, subconscious complexes (Electra or Oedipus complexes), conscious manipulations by parents aimed at satisfying children’s “wants,” or reactions to quarrels among adult family members, among which the child is forced to choose one side . Of course, one cannot ignore the friction in the relationship with the mother that arose in the daughter in childhood, but in the plastic childhood There are enough proven psychological methods that, with careful attention to the child, make it possible to overcome tension at the time of transition from adolescence to adolescence. Youth comes early, and with it girls begin to feel like adults. Let's listen to the voices of our adult daughters (after all, we will forever remain their parents), and try to see in the example of one of them the origins of mental ill-being.

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Oksana. 50 years old, late child, with higher education, lived with her mother and her husband. Two years ago I buried my mother, who was bedridden in the last months of her life after a stroke. At the same time, she never tired of repeating that because of her mother’s illness, she denied herself a life beyond the fulfillment of her duties as a daughter. And after the death of her mother, Oksana’s life is painted in dull tones of enduring misfortune. What is hidden behind this sad fate, why does Oksana clearly want to be unhappy?

Oksana’s mother did not love her husband, the girl’s father, and clearly demonstrated her dislike and disrespect for him. As a girl, Oksana always took the side of her powerful and successful mother and, like her mother, neglected her father. After graduating from college, she fell in love with a good guy from another city. But to leave, to leave my mother?

It’s impossible, you can’t leave your mother.

Then there was a marriage in his city, without much love, with another good guy, who sincerely loved Oksana. But the mother so actively helped her daughter’s family in everyday life, in organizing her relationship with her husband, in raising her grandson, that the husband could not stand it and left. Oksana was left alone with her mother, and soon she married again a stupid man, a loser (she really wanted to feel her dominance, so it was no coincidence that a weak man was next to her), whom her mother disliked very much and with a restrained arrogant attitude showed her son-in-law in his place.

And then, at a very advanced age, my mother herself got married and brought her husband into the house, so after some time Oksana and her husband had to provide physical assistance to the elderly couple. New husband mother died, mother fell ill, Oksana looked after her “as expected”,

but she did it somehow very harshly, angrily, unkindly, nervously,

the way a very strict mother behaves towards her child, as if she suddenly got the opportunity to command the one she had obeyed all her life.

Now she tirelessly mourns her mother, and everyone around her should remember this loss. There is no one who deprived the daughter of her father’s love, who destroyed her first marriage, involuntarily forced her to care for an old man who was stranger to her, but who served as an excuse for the daughter’s failed fate. How dare she leave forever! Grieving over the loss, the daughter lives today with a feeling of uncompensated guilt, both her own and her mother’s guilt before her. Being unhappy is her excuse today. Does she love her unforgettable mother?

Yes, of course, but with a strange love, like a victim’s tormentor.

In general, those who have not known discomfort in relations with their mother cannot even imagine how many young women in the world are suffering from the awareness of their dislike for their mother, looking for a way out of this unbearable state. On the other hand, there are many who managed to get over the disease, overcome the destructive feeling of guilt before their mother - guilt for not loving her, move away from the stereotype of selfless love for family care and restrained signs of attention, and even allow themselves to open up: “I don’t love mother". Thus, they are trying to save themselves from a painful, unnatural break with the mother to whom they owe their birth. But we must admit that if this is a cure, it is only temporary, and the disease is recurrent. It is hardly possible to completely distance yourself from the unique mother-child bond. It is possible to find a cure.

If a young woman cannot get rid of the pain in herself because she does not love her mother, cannot overcome indifference or pacify hatred of her, then she must try to understand, for example, with the help of a psychoanalyst, why an unhealthy relationship with her mother developed, recognize the insurmountability of the collapse that has occurred and let go of this pain: don’t judge your mother, but forgive yourself, maintaining an accessible, neutral form of relationship, especially since mothers get older with age, and daughters, in any case, will not do without caring for them.

It is not often and not everyone will think that birth mother may not love his own child. Much more often, maternal love is presented as something that is not subject to any conditions, something absolute and even divine. Many believe that maternal love is the same for all women, that a mother will not only understand and support any of her children, but will also forgive for the most serious crime. It seems that there is nothing stronger in the world than the love of a mother. However, this is not always true, and not all mothers love their children equally.\r\n\r\nAll social ideas about life and people have always been based on maternal love, and if you are unlucky, then on maternal dislike. Usually, conflicts between mothers and children occur because the children do not agree with the way their own mother loves them. In turn, mothers are also not always able to correctly assess the degree and quality of their love for their children.\r\n\r\nOver time, mature daughters also suffer from discomfort and lack of maternal love and attention. Sometimes this affects their future fate and how they build their relationships with people around them. Critical mothers can find fault with their children, most often daughters, throughout their adult lives. They are trying to raise adult children who already have children of their own. And then these same mothers complain about the little attention their children pay to them.\r\n\r\n \r\n

Why doesn't mom love you?

A very destructive theorem, especially if the opposite is true. But think about it this way: could you tell her about yourself? This is wrong? Then it only means - he doesn't love you. It is usually on the agenda when the victim refuses to do anything for the manipulator. Don't get caught up in the game of refuting the statement. You will return the ball to the other side.

Often this is not said openly, but it is the result of the behavior of another. This may include free time planning, financial issues, and solutions to general problems. The manipulator is trying to use your emotional dependence to achieve your goals. On the other hand, why do you need it? In most cases there are no misunderstandings, but I try to make your attitude and make you justify your actions as the behavior of a sovereign person.

\r\nThe most paradoxical thing in this situation is that the daughters of such mothers try to the last to get approval from their parent, to see a smile on their face and, perhaps, to hear words of praise from them. But such mothers will not change. Unfortunately, this fact can be difficult to understand and accept, although this is the only way to get out of the vicious circle.\r\n\r\n

The offer comes basically after you've explained five times that you can't just go to this office at this hour because you have something else to do during the week. The manipulator likes to provide an information monopoly to tell about his environment, what he is doing right now. Don't limit your social contacts and compare your emotional relationships with your partner in another relationship.

The manipulator loves to demand absolute perfection after the second. This is because no one is perfect and your "flaw" is a source of guilt that makes your partner a priority. Give some specific examples of what you have mastered. Be prepared for the fact that your partner may try to claim that you are reading. Return the blow and say that he did not mean anything in this case or not? Unfortunately, this topic can be discussed for a very long time, because it is general. So bring the discussion back to specific situations.

\r\n\r\nPsychologists recommend coming to terms with the situation and accepting as a fact the fact that the mother does not love. If you accept this, life will become much easier. It will be possible to build your own life without regard to your mother’s opinion. In addition, in such a situation one should not quarrel with the parent; mothers live quite peacefully under the same roof with their children, whom they do not love, but do not deny their existence. It’s just that their communication occurs on a slightly different level. They can respect each other as individuals, but not invade personal space. The main thing is to remember that the mother will not change. Therefore, it is better to let go of the situation and live your life where you can have a loving husband and children.

If you don't do this, don't dissect the topic. Efforts to transfer responsibility for your own mistake. Trying to ensure your absolute commitment. If it doesn't matter to your partner, let him know. Don't look for reasons, it's a waste of time.

I don't have time to think about it, I need it now. An attempt to force you to make a last-minute decision, often about things you would normally reject. You don't have to like being beaten. That evening, something broke inside her for no reason. I think she always expected too much after this visit.

Mother. Two syllables, four letters. But there are so many songs, warm words and stories in these letters. How much care or... suffering?

We are accustomed to thinking that motherhood is a kind of image that is inevitably associated with love and tenderness. The very word “mother” in the minds of many has become a kind of metaphor denoting care and affection. As it turns out, not everyone has such associations. You will be surprised, but we are not talking about children from disadvantaged families at all. We are talking about girls who had a completely normal childhood, a full family, and went to a good school. But their childhood is normal from the point of view of satisfying material needs, but not spiritual ones. Now we are talking about those daughters who were never loved by their mothers.

They were never too close to each other. Yes, yes, she knew that maybe she was not the best daughter - nervous, screaming, stubborn, well, maybe she didn’t dream of such a daughter either? However, she had a choice, she had two daughters, and she has two. The second one is also far from ideal, but it’s the one that I think Mamingo likes better.

She often reprimanded her mother that she felt worse, but she was either met with a decisive denial, or a statement that “stupidity speaks,” or with great regret that the child also comes to this. But what can you do if she feels it?

Unloved daughter - how is it?

The mother does not love her daughter - such a formulation hurts the ear. This is no accident. It seems that such a situation is unacceptable in the average family. As it turns out, not everything is so simple. Many daughters live in such conditions all their lives, being afraid to say out loud to anyone: “Mom never loved me.” They hide it: in childhood they make up stories, in adulthood they try to avoid the parental topic.

She did a lot to get her mother's attention. The praise for “good deeds” could not wait, so she turned to the evil side of power. However, she quickly noticed that he had lost more of his rebellious attitude. Her mother's main focus was on the shortcomings. No, not exaggerated, she just gave them more time and attention.

Difficulty in asserting your own boundaries

Probably not the best, and maybe the demands on the mother's institution are too great? The children are small; they will give her many opportunities to prove herself. However, she believes they will copy the designs. He notes that he sometimes treats them unfairly. You will say that she knows what kind of relationship she wanted with her mother, so let him develop it in his own garden.

When a mother does not love her daughter, this affects the girl’s entire further development, her formation, her personality, fears and relationships with people.

As a rule, “dislike” is expressed in the mother’s absolute emotional detachment from her child and in regular moral pressure on the child. Sometimes it can even be characterized as emotional abuse of a girl. How do such relationships manifest themselves?

Yesterday you were like a bastard. You have grown up, you are no longer a child waiting for her teeth to grow. And as you grew up, my soul dictated the following lines. Don't despair of love because you will only find illusion and disappointment. Your mother taught me patience when we were younger. Imagine that the wolf is just desperate. You are women, you understand better. And I, as a man, will talk to you about people. What you have to choose, but it is not obligatory, you can choose freely.

Lack of trust in people

When you decide to stop wandering around searching for an identity and when you want the person next to you for the rest of your life, consider the following things. Don't look at the packaging. My dear girl, pack, after too much sunlight, turns yellow, hates and what will you do next? The packaging is thin and will not keep you warm in winter, cold and snowy. The packaging will not make you hungry or thirsty. It's a waste if it's bad.

A logical question: “Why doesn’t my mother love me?”

Often mothers are completely indifferent to their children. Yes, they can feed them, give them shelter and education. However, in this case, the connection between the child and the mother that the little girl needs is completely absent (here we mean exactly that model of relationship when the daughter can calmly trust her mother and receive support from her, sincere empathy for children’s or adolescent problems). But, as a rule, from the outside this kind of indifference can be completely invisible.

Don't throw yourself into the hands of the light, but work independently. Don't hold on to his wallet because eventually you will become his item. And if he leaves, what will you be left with? Is it worth having everything you want in exchange for your soul? Are you a loved one or a woman who cleanses all suffering?

For example, a mother publicly praises her daughter and brags about her successes, but this praise is ordinary hypocrisy. When the conditional “audience” disappears, the mother not only does not pay any attention to her daughter’s successes, but also constantly lowers her self-esteem when communicating one-on-one. The unloved daughter becomes a victim who, from a very young age, perceives the world through the prism of maternal indifference or maternal cruelty.

Don't be afraid if you feel your heart fly out of your chest and land on his soul. Don't break your flight for fear of heights. Don't love half the measure, because you will have a half empty soul, and the greatest happiness is when you have a soul full of the one you love.

But forgive only what does not deny your dignity. Don't forgive if he wipes your boots with his soul. The soul will tell you what to forgive, stay and when to go. Don't be fooled into thinking that you will move the mountain in front of you. People change temporarily - a kind of nature's vacation, but every holiday has an end, doesn't it?

Let's look at a very simple and yet real-life example. While one girl brings home a “B” in her diary, the mother can cheer her up, instilling in her daughter the hope that next time the grade will definitely be higher. In another family, a similar situation may end in a scandal, like “again I brought home four points, not five!” There are also options when the mother, in principle, is indifferent to how her child studies. Constant negativity, as well as regular indifference, leaves an indelible mark on the future destinies of daughters and their own future families.

Don't be jealous. You don't make this mistake and you don't accept it. Do you understand that love is freedom - do you still know the wounded poison that you worried about when you were younger? Well, did you see how the circles were in the air when you flew into the sun, when you blinded the earth?

“Mom never loved me”: The unloved daughter and her adult life

“What should I do if my mother doesn’t love me?” is a question that many girls ask themselves too late. Often it comes to their minds already when the period of cohabitation with their parents is far behind them. But it was he who shaped human thinking over many years.

How does maternal dislike manifest itself?

My daughter, you beautiful woman in face, mind and soul. To be a strong woman and not understand that there is no need to cry too much. If you cry, my shoulder will always be here for you.

It is about seeing the freedom of the soul - continuous flight. Do not give birth to lies, because then you will enter a vicious circle from which only separation will remove you. Love is strange to chimeras. Don't think that you can lie only once - the first time is more difficult, then you lose the line. If he is lying to you, go and find someone who can accept your actions, words and love. She doesn't accept a milk daddy around you.

As a result, adult girls receive a whole bunch of psychological problems based on previously received emotional trauma.

One day the question arose in my head, “Why doesn’t my mother love me?” develops into the life position “No one loves me at all and has never loved me.”

Is it worth talking about the influence of such a worldview on relationships with the opposite sex and with society as a whole? Mother's love not received in childhood leads unloved daughters to:

1. Lack of self-confidence and self-confidence. Because of this, a girl or woman simply does not understand that she can be loved by someone.
2. Mistrust of others. Is it possible to be happy when you can't trust anyone?
3. Inability to soberly assess one's merits and competitiveness. This affects not only communication and healthy life in society in general, but also on a career and area of ​​interest in particular.
4. Taking everything too close to the heart. An extremely undesirable quality for any person who wants to achieve success in any field of life. The list goes on for a long time.

What should I do if my mother doesn't love me?

It is unlikely that a daughter can find a satisfactory answer to the question of why her mother does not love her. And she looks for him in herself:

• "there's something wrong with me"
• "I'm not good enough"
• "I'm disturbing my mom."

Of course, such an approach will only lead to even deeper immersion in problems and a decrease in self-esteem and self-confidence. But even having found the answer, it is difficult to radically change the situation. However, you can look at everything from the outside.

Yes, parents, like the country, are not chosen. And you can’t force love. But you can qualitatively change your own attitude towards everything that happens in the family. If you are the same girl who has experienced all the “delights” of such a relationship for herself, you simply must carefully work through the picture of the world that was created in your mind. It is worth understanding that not all people are friendly to you solely out of self-interest and not everyone should be suspected of insincerity. It's not easy. Some can't even accept the fact that they are valuable to someone. Perhaps, to reassess values, it is worth asking for help - this will certainly help improve your life and attitude towards other people. The main thing to remember is that you yourself will become a mother. And a sincere manifestation of love for your own child is the best thing you can do for him.

Do not try to please your mother, especially if over the years of living with her you have realized that any of your behavior will most likely be perceived with indifference at best, and habitual criticism at worst. Growing up without a mother's love is difficult. But it’s even more difficult to force yourself to change your behavior pattern. Even if your mother never loved you, she deserves respect for your upbringing, but not constant worry. Your task is to set yourself up to overcome ingrained scenarios and increase your own value in your eyes. Many unloved daughters were able to improve their lives as they grew up. And you can if you realize the root cause of your psychological problems. And it lies precisely in your question: “Why doesn’t my mother love me?”

Dear grown-up girls, have you ever thought about how you treat your mothers and what words you say to them? Here I am, a mother who loved her daughter immensely, pampered, kissed, took on all the chores and what did I get? Now I also continue to clean, wash, cook, and not only for my adult daughter, who only knows her job, but also for granddaughter. I can’t live without my girls! But it’s all my fault, no matter what happens. I don't hear from my daughter kind words, and only orders. My granddaughter communicates well with me when my mother is not at home. But if my mother is at home, she begins to say bad words to me, push me, hit me (she is still small), apparently to please my mother. My mother, naturally, immediately blames me , which means I myself said and did something wrong to the child. And all this in the presence of a girl! She is raising a chameleon who will adapt to circumstances. It is very insulting and difficult to live like this. At the same time, I have heard more than once from my daughter that I am needed while my granddaughter is small, and then “you will live alone in old age.” Yes, and not That’s all I heard... Of course, after this I’m no longer an angel either, I can say something in response. We tried to sort things out with our daughter once and for all, to leave all the bad things in the past, but, unfortunately, nothing worked out... This is how we live.

My mother is completely inadequate. Sometimes I think that there is something wrong with her head. Sometimes she harasses her simply because she is bored. He has fun humiliating his daughter. God forbid it should come to this with your daughter. She herself is useless and unfulfilled. Even I don’t need her now since I realized that she never loved me.

No. This is impossible to forgive. My awareness of unlove came at the age of 26. Until this year of my life, I forgave her everything. At the age of 26, something happened in my life. And she turned away. The person closest to me turned away from me when I needed help. Then she realized that she was not needed in her life at all. And generally unloved. My brother was always my favorite. I'm 35 years old right now. I'm very angry with her. For everything. We live in different cities. I call her to check in once every 2 months. And hearing how she loves me and misses me very much, that it would be nice to be around (she was there more than once - everything was as usual - humiliation and insults), I just grinned at these words to her. I don’t smile and be glad that she loves me, but I GRIN.
Because now I don't believe it. For me these are empty words. And yes, I need to prove my love with deeds, and not with words about it. I even forbid my husband to simply tell me that he loves me! Like this! Well, are you ready to forgive and believe, through for many years after REALIZATION of dislike, into the fact that mommy, it turns out, loved you all her life and did it for your own good?! Hardly.

But what if mom still doesn’t accept it? I’m 43 years old, insults, humiliation, constant insults and complaints, no matter how much money you give, no matter what you do, everything is small and bad. I don’t love her anymore, but I can’t stop communicating - my mother has grown old and her relationships with everyone are ruined. I’m calling, I’m on my way, I apologize, another hard “slap in the face”, after that I scream and small child, husband and so on in an endless circle.

there is no need to ask for forgiveness if you are not to blame... asking for forgiveness from a mother who does not love you means giving her a feeling of power over you. Don't apologize without guilt... don't

Complex topic. I know how many unloved daughters there are in the world. Many friends shared with me. I myself am in the same position. The childhood years when there was a father in the family are excluded. Then he left for a younger and more attractive woman. Finally, accusing my mother of cheating. It doesn't matter whether they were or not. But I, the spoiled daughter, had to pay for the insult. If she had not given birth to me, my husband would not have left. She considers herself the best. In her eyes, the culprit of the breakup was me, an eleven-year-old girl. The attitude towards me immediately changed. Constant screams, insults with swear words, everything is wrong - I stand, walk, hold my hands, sit... Every day there is swearing and even beatings. Over time, this attitude changed to constant demands for money, leveling of my successes and constant slander to others. It was necessary to maintain the image of the “enemy” in the family. Making excuses to everyone is a waste of time.
Despite the difficulties, I think that I have succeeded in life. True, I had to consult a psychologist. I have been caring for my mother for 11 (eleven) years after strokes. I try to forgive, but I can’t. With age, I realized its cruelty. And a person, despite illness and helplessness, does not change. Claims and swearing have not gone away

My mother loved only my brother, and I am the eldest “somehow.” The demand for me was different; I was brought up with a “whip.” Now I am 37. I am a successful, wealthy woman, my brother is a 30-year-old helpless man with an unfulfilled life. I forgave my mother a long time ago. I love her very much and am grateful that I have her - alive and well. But I’m not at all affectionate, I understand this and I can’t change myself, it’s ingrained in me. Dear mothers, love your children, but in moderation.

My mother, too, when I was little, was constantly dissatisfied with me, constantly furious if I did everything the way I wanted... Many years later, I understood why she behaved this way, because as a child she could not even say her opinion, because she always did what her older sisters and brothers told her and she did not dare to disobey.
And as for the fact that this may be reflected in the future, I believe that this depends on the person himself, because everyone builds his own life, he is the master of his life. We must forgive and let go, because it is not for nothing that they say that the grave will correct the hunchback. And most importantly, stop blaming, you need to live in the present.
Now, I have an excellent relationship with my mother. I forgave her because I understood why she had such an attitude towards me.

My mother loved only my older sister. She shut me out and went for a walk with my sister. When I learned to walk, out of thirst I found a can of kerosene and drank it. I always, all my life, wanted her to love me. As a child, I brought her any tasty treat. This is a trauma for life. My sister is selfish, my favorite. The most offensive thing is that I often heard from her that she and her sister crawled under the train, and I stayed on the other side, the train started moving. My mother said that if I climbed after them, it would cut me. She told this laughing. Apparently a guardian angel protected me. When she died, I helped wash her and told her - I FORGIVE YOU.

I support Miroslava - this forever remains: “you don’t deserve it”, “you’re worse than everyone else, other people have children, and why are you like this to me” - and then there are a lot of words, which one, I just don’t want to repeat... And you’re always proving that you deserve... She to I understood old age, but I was almost old by that time, and it’s no longer necessary. It just hurts incessantly. Mom, mom, where have you been all my life...

Everything is said correctly. Mom's dislike is a curse that haunts you all your life. And it’s not about self-realization in professional activities, but about finding your love. When, even understanding that love is a given, you still try to earn it. Because you can’t do otherwise, because all your life you’ve been told that they don’t love you for this, that and that. Since childhood, you have been taught to deserve love, and not by someone else, but by that person whose love is a given, a given, and not a merit. Problems in my personal life are a consequence of my mother’s dislike. And this is natural, because if the closest person - your mother - does not love you, then who will love you?..

I appeal to the grown-ups, the unloved and unhappy daughters! Or maybe you need to ask yourself a question: “How much am I capable of giving warmth and love to my mother? Am I overstating my demands on her?” After all, she is a simple woman, with her own pros and cons, joys and problems, with a developed or not very developed ability to express her feelings. Who needs this picking in their relationship with their mother? With an emphasis on blaming her and selflessly reveling in the theme: “Does my mother not love me?” Try to build your wonderful relationship with your children. I think that you are confident that you can do this. What do they think about this relationship? Grown-up daughters! Be Wise and truly grown up!

All that can be done is to understand that the way you imagined an ideal family is your personal idealization. Why do you insist on it, especially as an adult?
You have seen cases of such treatment, or drunkenness in the family, or when alone everything for the child, but nothing for anyone else!
Say: “This also happens! And I’m not the only one!” Your idealization (created by you), based on nothing, has collapsed. You see that reality does NOT coincide with your expectations, but you insist on your own. WHY???
They took note that this also happens, and said: “all people are different, I allow them to behave as they consider necessary or correct, depending on their moral principles.”
As long as you rush around with your experiences like this, also building internal dialogues with such people, it will be so.
They behaved this way, and what do you have to do with it?
In any case, you will not solve the problem. However, you can forgive me. How is that? Yes, just recognize the right of others to lead as they want.
We can say that we can set a deadline for correcting the situation. No? So no. That's it, there's nothing to discuss. You can't change anything else.

Yes, Zoritsa, of course, all people are different and have the right to behave as they see fit. But in this case we are talking about the mother’s behavior - and this behavior, after all, shapes the personality of her child. And no matter how much later this grown-up child does auto-training, no matter how much he understands and forgives his mother, no matter how much he cultivates self-confidence - all the same, huge complexes from childhood, only driven deep and far, will remain for the rest of his life, breaking it . Therefore, of course, it is necessary to “let go” of all past grievances, but at the same time it is necessary to realize that, by and large, nothing can be corrected. Given that permanent job you can only more or less successfully pretend that “everything is fine, beautiful marquise»…

And even as a child, I was able to say to myself: “It’s not me who’s bad, it’s you!...” And I stopped paying attention to criticism from my mother... let him speak! Otherwise I would simply go crazy! She did what she thought was necessary and did it right! Yes, what would happen to me if I listened to all the criticism addressed to me and took it to heart? I’m very grown up now, but even now, every time I meet, my mother will “do” something. And already as an adult I often ask myself the question: “What did I do wrong as a child?” I studied well at school, graduated from college and got a profession, I was always in good standing at work... What's wrong? The mystery of the human soul.

If I hadn’t been paying attention, I wouldn’t have asked myself the question of what was done wrong?.. Usually those for whom everything is software live like that - everything is software. And what did he do wrong there and for whom is it all software. And so you simply ASSURE yourself that everything is fine with you, you don’t feel it, but you assure yourself. Everything was, is and will probably be good for you, why is she still not happy with you and finally won’t love you and won’t rejoice with you in your successes?! Yes, what's wrong? Damn it!

As they say, the grave will straighten the hunchback. For all my actions, I hear only words of condemnation from my mother. And I'm 43 years old. I told her that I would no longer share or tell her anything. It didn't help. Therefore, I constantly argue with her, defending my point of view. Tired of it. I just try to communicate with her less often and take care of myself.

My mother never loved me, although I am an only child... unfortunately, I realized it late... at the age of 35... in fact, I understood it a long time ago, I took it for granted at the age of 35... it’s very hard to understand that your mother doesn’t love you ..who did not pass will NOT understand..in at the moment I’m 48 and to every phrase my mother will always find a negative answer, even insults, if she doesn’t find other words... besides, she’s jealous of how I live and work so much that she doesn’t want my family to prosper... she thinks that I’m better, more beautiful and more worthy of the life that I have.. when I buy food, things or shoes for myself (my husband or daughter), she criticizes everything.. but then I find a sweater or jacket hanging out of place or trousers with a stain.. she always tried to wear my shoes until I stopped buying low-heeled shoes... she can’t wear stilettos... when I cook food, she criticizes how I cook and doesn’t eat... but at night we caught her eating from the frying pan... setting up my father is against me and now he also doesn’t eat the food I cook... by the way - we live with my parents and my husband realized that my mother didn’t love me before I did... at first he was tactfully silent, but then lately he has to protect me from the attacks of my own mother.. how to let go of this??? how to forgive this???