Raising children always causes controversy and controversy. This is not surprising, because different generations will always argue about how to raise children as worthy people. The question of how to properly raise a girl has been repeatedly asked by both inexperienced parents and those with more experience. There are no clear rules by following which you can raise an ideal daughter. But there are recommendations that can become the basis for moms and dads to have the right attitude towards their child.

The role of the mother

Mom... Who could be dearer and more beloved than a person, who carried us under his heart for 9 months, experienced agony during childbirth and did not get enough sleep at night? Who knows better than she how to behave correctly with her baby, with whom she retains a special connection for the rest of her life. But sometimes mothers make mistakes in raising their daughters, which in the future result in bad behavior, uncontrollability, disobedience and much more.

The role of a mother in raising her daughter is enormous. After all, she is the standard of femininity. Looking at her mother, the little girl imagines herself in the future. Therefore, before asking the question about the proper upbringing of a girl, a mother should start improving herself. Regardless of the mood, mental and physical condition, a daughter should always see her mother as:

• A loving, caring person who experiences all the sorrows and joys, to whom you can turn and receive support at any time.
• An excellent housewife who can handle anything culinary masterpiece(and if it’s not up to her, she will skillfully get out of this situation). Order and cleanliness in the house is a matter of a few minutes for her, and the well-groomed care of all family members is a pleasant concern.
• A faithful friend who, instead of devoting time to himself, spends it on his child.

An ideal mother will be able to raise her daughter without making any effort. special effort. After all, from birth the baby observes the behavior of her loved one and unconsciously controls this behavior model. But no matter how trusting the relationship is, you should not miss the line of respect. Children must respect their parents and fulfill their requests. The participation of a mother in her daughter's life is, as a rule, more common than that of a father. This may be why they are stricter with children than men.

In order for her daughter to receive a good upbringing, the mother must:

• Spend as much time as possible with her, so the girl will feel loved.
• Do household chores with your little helper, giving her the opportunity to choose what she likes (dusting, cleaning, washing or wiping dishes). By instilling a love of homework from an early age, the girl will be prepared for future family life, and will also become an assistant for her mother.
• Listen carefully to your little interlocutor, fulfill her requests, because what she asks for is very important for her. In the future, the mother’s requests will be heard and fulfilled.
• Instill respect and love for your father. A woman must show that the man is the main one in the family, he cares about their well-being, and is ready to protect and protect them at any time. If you show disrespect for your spouse and don’t take his opinion into account, then in the future your grown-up daughter will do the same, choosing a weak and insecure man as her companion.
• Instill a love of cleanliness and order.

Important! For a girl, a mother is the personification of femininity. And immoral behavior and bad habits, which a child has observed since childhood, can distort this bright image. And it will be difficult to prove to your daughter that smoking and alcohol are bad and you can’t do this.

The trusting relationship between mother and daughter is a huge job that begins from the moment a girl is born until she leaves her parents’ home. Upbringing affects not only the formation of personality, but also attitude. Naturally, every mother wants her child to respect, care for and appreciate her. And you can only get this by giving it all to the child.

The role of dad in raising a little princess

Raising a daughter by a father is not as common as in the case of a mother. This is due to the busyness of the man, who for every little girl is the embodiment of masculinity. But, in single-parent families consisting only of their child and father, the man has no choice, and he is obliged to perform the functions of mom and dad.

But if we're talking about about a full-fledged family, in which the main part of the upbringing is dealt with by the mother, the father does not have many responsibilities. But he must take responsibility for their implementation.

Important! A mature daughter will most likely choose a life partner who is similar to her father. And if the dad’s behavior was not the most appropriate, then in the life of his daughter the situations that she observed in the family as a child will become a common occurrence. Therefore, wishing a child happiness, it is necessary to make his childhood happy and carefree.

The role of the father in his daughter’s life is large, because he, as the embodiment of masculinity, must convince her that he is ready to protect her at any moment. Despite this, the attitude towards the little princess should be gentle. Common mistakes that a father makes when raising his daughter include:

• Excessive severity. The absence of the slightest manifestation of love and tenderness on the part of the father can make the child callous. In the future, it will be difficult for a girl to show her feelings towards representatives of the opposite sex, as well as to accept signs of attention and compliments.
• Applying the basics of raising a boy. It's no secret that many men dream of sons with whom they can play football, go fishing and rebuild an old car. Therefore, with the advent of their daughter, no matter what happens, they are trying to realize their plans. But they don’t always take into account that not every girl will show interest in this, and if she does, then her future as a “tomboy” is guaranteed.
• Permissiveness. In many families in which fathers work a lot and are rarely at home, their love for children manifests itself as the purchase of expensive gifts and the fulfillment of any whims. This is how they try to compensate for their absence. Such moments can have a very bad effect on a daughter’s upbringing, as she gets used to permissiveness, to the fact that dad will fulfill any request. In this case, the child’s love is shown not so much for his dad as for his money.

Many fathers are interested in how to raise their daughter. Having eliminated the above errors, you should pay attention to simple recommendations. Thanks to them, you can give your child a happy childhood, the memories of which will warm the heart. Dad should:

• Pay more attention, the absence of which cannot be replaced by anything, not even money.
• Create all conditions for the child to feel protected.
• Wear one's heart on one's sleeve. The girl needs to be hugged, kissed as much as possible, and talked about how much she is loved.
• Pamper (within reason). This must be done, because the child, as a rule, spends less time with his father and needs his attention.
• Show admiration, be proud of the baby and her every achievement.
• Become a friend to whom you can tell about the problem, and if he doesn’t solve it, he will certainly tell you how to do the right thing.

The father's role in raising his daughter is no less important than the mother's. It’s good when both mom and dad are reliable and trusted friends who will always rejoice at achievements more than the child himself, and experience every failure with him. But besides aspects of upbringing, there should be a good relationship between parents. After all, no matter how much time they spend with their children, no matter how much attention they pay to them, disrespect and bad attitude between spouses can soon affect the upbringing of the child.

In order to raise a child, it is not at all necessary to study countless volumes of literature. After all, an adult will not be able to raise a child better than he was raised in his time. But you can work on yourself. And this needs to be done first of all for the daughter who is growing up in the family. Observing respectful relationships between parents, their mutual assistance and support, all this will certainly be put aside in the girl’s subconscious. And in the future, she will take only the best as a basis when creating her own family.

Almost every woman dreams of having a daughter. When the long-awaited moment comes, the mother is primarily interested in what to name the baby, to create for her necessary conditions and how to raise her into a true woman, self-confident, decent, economical, caring and self-sufficient. After all, any mother wants to see her adult daughter happy, loving and loved, a good wife and mother.

Too young to raise

While children are in infancy, there are no particular differences in the upbringing of boys and girls. Only a few can be noted differences in toilet and hygiene practices for infants of different sexes, but otherwise it is important that they are surrounded by love. Until about two years old, children do not have sufficient self-control, they are too small and everything they do is nothing more than an exploration of the outside world, so it is pointless to adhere to any rules of upbringing, except for one thing - you cannot beat such a baby. All that parents can do is teach and mentor their child.

Good to know: setting boundaries for what is permitted should begin when the child becomes more intelligent and his needs are transformed into desires.

Consequently, all children need care and attention, but the principles and approaches to raising boys and girls are somewhat different. When a daughter grows up in a family, parents must take into account that girls develop faster than boys, being ahead of them in development by an average of 2-3 years. This means that they learn to understand and perceive everything that is happening around them much earlier.

Young children have one interesting property: they imitate the closest people in everything - their parents. Moreover, boys try to be like their fathers in everything, and girls try to be like their mothers.

Advice: the baby should always see in front of her an example of the true woman her mother would like to see in the future.

This means that the mother herself needs to become such a woman. At the same time, the ability to raise children is inherent in a woman by nature, so she should first of all listen to her maternal instincts and follow them.

In the first years of a child’s life, the main educational techniques are games and books. Little girls love to listen to fairy tales about beautiful princesses and princes. Some parents use them, even unwittingly, to instill in their daughter a certain model of behavior when, already a girl, she is looking for ideal man and cannot be happy with an ordinary average guy who is far from the created image - the ideal. Or another scenario is possible, when the chosen one is only gallant in appearance, but in fact will simply take advantage of a gullible simpleton.

Good to know: in addition to her mother’s example, a girl should also see an example of a real man.

This is especially true if the mother is raising the child alone, without a father. It is wrong for the baby to constantly see different strangers in the house. This will definitely reflect incorrectly on her perception and behavior. It’s better for a daughter not to know about her mother’s personal life. until the latter meets a worthy person who can become a friend and father for her child. Moreover, you can bring him into the house only after meeting the baby on neutral territory.

But even in full-fledged families, not everything goes smoothly, although parents should never forget that it is their relationship that serves as an example and an object lesson for their daughter. Based on what the girl sees every day, she forms an idea about family life. Therefore, dad should treat mom with attention and care. And a woman should also show love to her husband.

Features of raising a daughter

A daughter is not only dresses and bows. First of all, parents should try to make her happy and help her learn skills that will be useful to her in the future. Psychologists have identified several main points that need to be paid attention to when raising a girl, taking into account the more subtle psyche, imagination and abilities inherent in the fair sex by nature.

Moment one: “Always loved!”

Mother's love should not be a means of encouragement; the child does not need to earn it through his behavior or actions, such love is unconditional, all-understanding and all-forgiving. If a girl does not receive it, then in the future this will negatively affect her relationships, ability to love, development as a person, and self-esteem. Girls need fatherly love to harmonious development and self-confidence is no less than maternal, but she is, as a rule, more demanding, because it is the father who is the first to evaluate the feminine qualities of his daughter.

Important: the lack of manifestations of love and excessive severity on the part of parents forms a victim complex in the child.

All their lives such girls show excessive diligence in trying to gain approval, ignore their own desires and needs, and do not realize that they are loved. From a baby who was pampered and cherished simply because she is, and not for any merit, she will certainly grow into a girl who intuitively knows how to recognize the atmosphere of true love and distinguish falsehood from sincerity. No rogue can deceive her with a pair kind words. But everything should be in moderation. If, in the absence of love, a child acquires a lot of complexes, then with an excess of it, a capricious princess grows out of a girl. But even worse than strict upbringing is indifference on the part of parents towards their daughter. Such a child will leave the family at the first opportunity, even with a stranger who shows a little attention, participation and understanding.

Moment two: “The most beautiful!”

This is how every girl should think about herself, since doubts about her own attractiveness will certainly leave an imprint on the child’s entire future life.

Important: even when the daughter’s external characteristics are far from ideal, the mother should say that she is beautiful.

Let her be plump or nature has blessed her with freckles. All this can be turned into advantages, unique and charming features inherent only to her.

If, nevertheless, a mother wants to point out to her daughter some nuances in her appearance that require adjustment, then this should be done in a non-ambiguous manner, without offensive hints and words.

It’s better to just show her how to veil this or that shortcoming or, if the girl has overweight, inspire her to play sports. useful at any age.

In addition, the mother herself must take care of herself in order to become an example of femininity, elegance and beauty for her daughter.

Moment three: “Feminine”

Several decades ago, this concept included the ability to create comfort, run a household, raise children and please a spouse. Nowadays, a lot has changed and a woman has turned from a keeper of the hearth into a breadwinner. The concept of femininity has also transformed. Now it implies the ability to be attractive, good taste, grooming, grace, emotionality and sincerity, politeness and tenderness.

In order to instill these qualities in your daughter A woman should take care of herself first, after all, it is possible that the baby will copy her mother’s behavior and her way of dressing. Also, do not lose sight of the condition of the child’s clothing. It should always be clean and ironed, but you should not impose your preferences in clothing style. The girl must understand for herself what she wants. This will make her more confident.

Moment four: “Approximate”

Excessive strictness in upbringing and the manifestation of strength will make the baby obedient, quiet and calm, but the baby will grow up knowing that the one who is stronger has greater authority. In addition, such obedience, when all manifestations of the child’s own “I” are suppressed, makes her weak-willed, easily controlled, deprives her of her own opinion and the opportunity to defend her point of view.

From an early age in your child. Unleash your baby’s inner potential and instill in her the correct moral and ethical standards.

Thus, having transferred from parental care to the care of her husband, the girl will never defend herself. Therefore, my daughter is sometimes allowed to play pranks. Moreover, this should not be followed by punishment. It’s better when her parents take part in her pranks. This will only strengthen the child’s trust and love for them, as well as the desire to be an exemplary girl in other times, free from pranks.

Moment five: “Prudent”

A girl shouldn't be overly trusting. You should tell her that you need to learn from other people’s mistakes, and not from your own. Examples include the parents themselves, their acquaintances, and people who have become the subject of discussion in newspaper articles and news programs. Parents should teach their daughter to understand people, distinguish bad from good, determine the boundaries of good and bad deeds, avoid situations that could be life-threatening, threaten health, peace or reputation.

Moment six: “Humorous”

Children develop a sense of humor quite late. In early childhood, they react with laughter to unexpected situations when cartoon characters fall, stumble, or collide. They also like verbal puns, so kids often distort words themselves, coming up with various abracadabra. But a girl’s sense of humor will be very useful, because it is not so far from optimism. Especially if the baby learns to laugh at herself.

In many ways, the ability to humor and joke depends on. However, regardless of whether a sanguine or a phlegmatic person grows up in a family, at the age of six not a single child is able to perceive self-irony.

But she will definitely grow to that point. If a girl cannot joke due to her character, then she needs to be taught to accept the jokes of others and enjoy other people's humor.

Moment seven: “Economic”

The first thing a man expects from a woman is the ability to cook and clean. Cooking, washing and ironing skills It’s not difficult to vaccinate a girl. It is much more difficult to teach how to do all this with pleasure. What helps the mother in this is her daughter’s desire to be like her in everything.

Important: do not miss the moment when, at three years old, the baby clumsily sweeps the floor or crawls with a rag on the floor, puts her toys out of shape or breaks a plate. At this time, you cannot scold her, much less prohibit her from helping with the housework.

On the contrary, this desire must be supported in every possible way. Gradually, the girl will learn the techniques of rational housekeeping and will be able to manage everything easily and habitually. Some tasks require the participation of more than one person, so you need to teach the baby that she can ask for help, without hesitation to attract other household members and without fear of difficulties.

Moment eight: “Merciful”

Every girl should have a feeling of compassion for the weak, because without it she cannot become a true woman. Modern girls can be very cruel, much more cruel than boys, because they hurt not in a fight, but with words, ridiculing someone’s shortcomings.

Advice: from birth, you need to teach your baby to notice the pain of others, to empathize, to come to the aid of loved ones, the elderly, sick people, and younger family members.

An excellent educational point in this matter is domestic and stray animals and caring for them. But at the same time mercy should not be directed at people unworthy of it, it must be in some balance with prudence, because there are many around who are ready to take advantage of the kindness of others.

Moment nine: “Active”

Since girls develop faster than boys, they become leaders in kindergarten or school teams. In adult society, a completely opposite situation has developed and become entrenched, therefore You shouldn’t stop your daughter from taking initiative.. On the contrary, you should let her feel what it is like to be a leader, encourage her in every possible way and celebrate her successes. In this regard, you cannot evaluate your daughter’s actions based on gender, saying that girls do not behave like that, it is necessary to tell the little girl that a leader should not be categorical, he must have his own opinion, but also be able to listen to others’ opinions, adapt to the team , conduct a dialogue, give reasons and arguments. Leadership develops fortitude and diplomacy in a child. In the future, the girl will decide for herself how to use her leadership skills.

Moment ten: “Strong and weak at the same time”

This is wisdom that a mother simply must help her daughter master. A girl may be more educated, wiser and stronger in spirit than boys, but if she demonstrates this to them, she will greatly offend the stronger sex. For them she must be fragile and weak to encourage self-care.

Good to know: it is extremely important to develop your daughter’s intelligence, teach her to achieve her goals on her own, but never refuse the help that men offer.

Moment eleven: “Healthy and active”

Health has never hurt anyone, but for a girl, as an expectant mother, it is extremely important. Therefore it is necessary with early childhood teach her principles proper nutrition , taking care of yourself and your body, introducing sports. For preventive purposes, you should periodically show your child to doctors.

Moment twelve: “Personality”

Often parents impose their opinions on their daughter, make important decisions for her, thus satisfying their ambitions at her expense, preventing her from developing her individuality.

It is useful to know: if a child is soft and flexible by nature, then parental decisions for her become the only correct ones, which makes the girl actually a likeness of her parents, depriving her of the opportunity to become an individual.

This is perhaps the most difficult task in educational process - identify the characteristics of your child, her inclinations and preferences. Therefore, following the rules, you need to take into account the qualities of a particular child, because from birth, each baby has certain abilities, its own character and temperament, which may differ radically from the parent.

Raising a teenage girl

It's too late to start raising your daughter as a teenager. You should worry and think about the proper upbringing and attitude towards your child in advance. This will make life much easier for both parents and the teenager during a difficult transition period.

Advice: first of all, the mother needs to make every effort to become herself close friend for your daughter.

To do this, you should not show dissatisfaction with the way she dresses, you need to praise her talents, notice even the smallest achievements and what is very it's important to never lie to her and always be sincere.

If a daughter behaves too cheekily and remains deaf to her mother’s unobtrusive advice, then in order not to ruin the friendly relationship with the child, you can and should involve dad in parenting.

In connection with the difficulties of education during this period, the question arises: should punishment be applied for misconduct? You need to punish skillfully. You should try correct your daughter’s behavior as gently as possible, restraining your anger. It is necessary to explain to the girl where and in what way she was wrong, and what should have been done in this or that situation.

Basic rules for raising girls. Video

A little princess, a fiery beauty, a fair boss, a modest smart girl - all the girls are very different. Emphasize strengths and redirect weaknesses babies are the main parental task that makes up the upbringing of girls. This needs to be done effectively, but delicately. It is important to understand that you cannot pick pears from an apple tree, but you can grow beautiful apples.

Parents thinking about raising a baby should correctly imagine who they will see as a result. Every little girl grows up to become a woman. All mothers and fathers need to accept a simple truth; awareness of this fact will help the formation of personality.

Main directions:

From birth to one year

The features of raising girls and boys during this period are almost the same. The main thing is love, proper care of loved ones, providing comfortable conditions for development. The baby learns to perceive the world. We need to help her: talk, tell stories, sing songs, play. Babies need mom and dad's love.

From one year to three

The period when the speed of acquired knowledge and skills is simply cosmic: the baby learns to walk, talk, take care of herself, learns many people, things, concepts. This is the time of realizing that she is a girl. By the age of three, a little lady can fully exhibit “typically female” behavior, copying her mother or older sister. So you need to critically evaluate your own actions before adjusting your children's. Dr. Torsunov imagines raising children this way.

From three to six

The life stage when the baby actively gets acquainted with the outside world and joins society. This is due to entry into kindergarten. The little princess understands that she is not the center of the universe and learns to build relationships. Advice to parents on raising a girl of this age speaks of delicate attention to the child’s life. Ask how the baby is doing. Teach your child to get acquainted and make friends with others.

Encourage the little housewife to try to wash the dishes or sweep the floor. Of course, she will do it poorly for now, but the best option will correct the result, and not stop attempts. You can assign simple chores to your baby without overloading her. The future woman will still have to do this. It’s better to get your baby accustomed to it right away so that homework doesn’t become a stressful factor.

From six to twelve

The girl has a new stage in her life: she went to school. Adaptation to a completely new world is taking place. Help her. Remember that not all students have to be excellent students, although their perseverance and goodwill are more clearly expressed compared to boys. Become your little one's guide and assistant in her studies.

During this period, new friends appear. For girls of this age, the secrecy of correspondence is relevant, since personal relationships become more complicated, interest in opposite sex. You cannot dictate the choice of friends. Offering help should be done delicately.

The rules for raising girls of primary school age need to be adjusted taking into account their desire to be similar to each other, to keep up in fashion, skills and beauty. The normal desire for this period must be respected: help in choosing clothes and hairstyle.

Strictly distinguish between the desire to be “no worse” and the “battle of show-off”. It is necessary to explain that some things do not correspond to the status of a schoolgirl. An Apple smartphone and diamond earrings are not typical accessories for a fifth-grader.

From twelve to eighteen

The transition period occurs for all people with varying degrees of severity. Parents need to prepare for new difficulties. With the onset of puberty, a girl’s body becomes a field for hormonal storms, which will certainly affect her behavior. Be sympathetic to the oddities of a teenage girl. It's hard to feel normal when your body changes every day.

A young girl is aware of her individuality and often wants to enhance it. This is the basis for the desire to get a tattoo, dye your hair or pierce your nose. It is very important here to protect against irreparable changes by quenching your thirst by allowing a harmless act. For example, you should discourage someone from getting a tattoo, but you can go to the hairdresser together for extreme hair coloring.

Parents and teachers are still arguing about when to start proper sex education for girls. There is no universal answer here. When menstruation arrives, a girl must correctly understand what is happening to her body and how children are born. Communication with the opposite sex becomes more romantic, and unplanned early pregnancies better to avoid. Everything has its time.

Raising two girls

In raising sisters of different ages there are many advantages: there is someone to trust to take care of the younger one, the older one learns responsibility and tries to be a worthy example to her sister, the younger one tries to be like her.

Raising twins is a completely different story. The birth of twins is a great joy, but you will have to put in twice as much effort. Especially when it comes to twin girls.

Their sense of rivalry develops much earlier and faster. Any action is perceived by the twins as a challenge to one of them. Therefore, it is useful to separate the girls a little: enroll them in different clubs, develop the individuality of each child. It is necessary to perceive the child as a separate, unique person: allow him to choose clothes, have personal toys, and his own household items for each sister.

If you regularly read our training and self-development portal, you might think that the topic of how to properly raise a girl is unimportant, since you already know and have recently read about how to raise happy child. And why divide the upbringing of children into boys and girls, you probably ask.

This is where you are wrong, since education according to general rules for all children, reproduces asexual people. In any century, men value masculinity, strength of character, and confidence, while women value femininity, kindness, caring, and uniqueness.

Today we will try to understand the nuances of non-standard education for all children, but we will talk about individual touches of the correct upbringing of girls specifically.

Creative modeling

Basically, women take part in the educational process of a female child. It would seem that there is nothing complicated here. The daughter will learn everything herself if she follows the example of older sisters, mothers, grandmothers, educators or teachers.

Yes, the example of adults is one of the main points in the proper upbringing of a girl and the younger generation in general, but this is not the only opportunity to teach a baby to be happy. Don't be surprised, just teach.

Teach your child to be happy

Yes, there are cases when a person is already born happy, but such facts are rare.

Usually, a person builds his own happiness, gaining experience from his distant ancestors and close relatives.

You must not just wait for your happy moment, but be able to catch luck by the tail.

Often, happiness in life is found not by the most spectacular and intelligent beauty, but by an ordinary wise, feminine and kind-hearted girl, capable of feeling like a special and unique person.

Victories in beauty contests, professional makeup and material well-being is not a guarantee of success.

There is no need to make your daughter the navel of the earth, you just need to believe in her personal merits, give her the right to choose, encourage her to care for younger children or pets, develop in her a craving for natural or cultural beauty, self-confidence, independence and gentleness.

Correct character traits when raising a girl

[A girl cannot always be only the best or the first, but she must become unique in her appearance. When raising a girl, it is necessary to teach her to have inner beauty, to be able to sympathize and empathize, to love herself and others, to forgive insults, to understand the needs of others, and to have special attractiveness.

Beauty does not depend on lipstick and powder or mascara; femininity develops in a truly feminine environment, in tender motherly hugs, romantic books, cute interiors, games for ladies.

Boys are born into a male society, and tomboy girls are born among children, contrary to expectations, not sons, but daughters.

Proper education of girls

It is not for nothing that in past centuries boys were raised and educated separately from girls. Therefore, in those days there were more knights and true noble ladies. The world moves, people change, desires transform based on time and needs, but romanticism, kindness, confidence, independence, femininity and good-heartedness will always be valued.

Girls are much more sensual and emotional than boys. You shouldn’t indulge your whims, but you also shouldn’t blame girls for their feelings.

Teach your female children not coldness and restraint, but the ability to understand their feelings by describing them in words. Lead by example. Talk about your feelings. Say in front of your daughter that you are angry at the dog that barked at you on the street on the way home from work, that you are glad for the warm rain, you find it funny that a butterfly wanted to land on your nose.

Allow the girl to choose her own outfit so that it is not only beautiful, but also comfortable, appropriate for the season, clean and ironed. Let her learn to make her own decisions, choose friends, and decide her own affairs in the yard, kindergarten or school.

What is important is the personal example of relatives, examples from romantic works, classical music, which develop taste, inner beauty and spirituality.

External attractiveness may interest short time, but all this is short-lived, and life does not pass in a few years, but you want to be happy forever. Only the inner world can blossom and enrich itself day after day.

A woman capable of making wise decisions, standing up for herself, finding a middle ground between common sense and with surging feelings, she is able to feel needed, loved and love herself.

The role of incentives

Praise and love have never spoiled any child. Your daughter will be no exception. Notice good deeds, praise for caring, kindness, friendliness, gentleness, achievements, show your love, talk about your feelings. This is the only way your girl will turn into a successful lady and a happy woman.

Respect for adults

A little young lady who has not heard rude words or ridicule in the family, has not been a participant in domestic squabbles and sarcastic ridicule, easily and independently turns into a confident and successful lady.

Respect your daughter’s personality from early childhood, trust the baby’s choice, listen to her opinion. This will help the girl in adulthood to understand people and act openly and confidently.

Grace and femininity

How do you think? What kind of woman will be happy when she grows up? Looks like a rude lout, in soldier's boots and a cigarette in his teeth, or a lady with correct posture, soft eyes and refined manners, and excellent speech?

Of course the second one. There's not even anything to discuss here.

From the very first days of her life, teach the girl manners, neatness, etiquette rules, the ability to maintain a conversation, talk about faith, read classical literature together, visit art galleries, theaters, exhibitions, surround the little lady with flowers, dress her in dresses, tie bows.

Education does not begin and does not end, it continues its endless course, not only in teachings, explanations, punishments, but also in those moments when you set an example in personal conversations, relationships with your husband, during lunch or laundry, during hours of communication on the phone with friends or visiting social networks on the Internet.

Don’t forget that you are always in front of your future wife, mother, friend or sister. If you are sloppy, she will remember this behavior, if you do not respect your husband and relatives or constantly swear, then most likely her family will be unhappy and the marriage will be unsuccessful. About how to maintain such happiness and harmony in the family and show correct example child, .

But the main thing to remember is that a girl is born a clean leaf, ready to grow into a beautiful and bright, memorable flower, so what you put into her in childhood with your behavior will determine her future life for more than half.

“The soft conquers the hard.”
Ancient Chinese proverb

It is generally accepted that girls are easier to raise than boys. They say that boys are mischievous, and girls are much calmer. Yes, and it’s easier for mothers to understand them - after all, female psychology... But upon closer examination, as often happens, it turns out that such views are wrong.

When you think about parenting seriously, it turns out that it is still unknown whose parents have it easier: boys or girls. After all, the 20th century opened up unprecedented opportunities for women, but at the same time placed on them the burden of enormous responsibility. Having received equal rights with men, women were able to study, work, engage in politics, and decide their own destiny. And everything seemed to be going great, but the family suddenly began to burst at the seams. Women began to have enough time for anything, just not for children and husbands. Changes in lifestyle and psychology led to divorces, which distorted children's destinies. Growing up, children copied the actions of their parents, and thus, one generation after another was drawn into a vicious circle... According to statistics, now two out of three families are breaking up, and there is no end in sight. More than once I have had to deal with the fact that the psychology of a single mother is difficult to overcome over several generations. For example, a great-grandmother divorced and raised her daughter alone. She, in turn, also could not get along with her husband and passed on this bitter experience to her daughter. The daughter, again, did not learn the proper lessons from the incident, as a result of which she was left alone with the baby in her arms. And now the grown-up baby is toiling with her daughter, complaining about her behavior, but at the same time cultivating in her character traits that will make her almost one hundred percent unable to get along with her husband in the future. After all, negative stereotypes of behavior with the opposite sex are already so rooted in this family that it is extremely difficult to overcome them. This is the burden of heredity: in each generation it becomes heavier and heavier.

Interestingly, throughout the world, most divorces are initiated by women. Why? Don't you think this is strange? After all, women have traditionally played a diametrically opposite role for thousands of years - as guardians of the family hearth! This means that some dramatic changes have occurred in female psychology and character. And the family building began to collapse, burying everyone under the ruins: men, children, and, of course, the women themselves.

So it turns out that raising a girl in our time is not an easy task. What should she aim for: starting a family or a career? What to encourage and what traits to try to suppress? It’s one thing to instill in a child from childhood that the main thing is activity and independence. And it’s quite another thing to cultivate gentleness, compliance, compassion, that is, qualities that make it easier family life, but incompatible with ideas about leadership. The choice, naturally, is up to the parents. Another thing is that we don’t always succeed the way we want. As they say, man proposes, but God disposes. But it seems to me that the choice should be conscious. And for this you need to clearly imagine the results of upbringing, including quite long-term ones.

The main thing is family happiness. The rest will follow

Many adults, who have seen from their own experience what it is like for children whose mother is “burning” at work, believe that girls should be oriented, first of all, towards creating a strong family. And the rest will follow. This will probably seem strange to some. “Nothing is applied to anything,” he will say. — If you put family at the forefront, you need to forget about work. Either family or career. It doesn’t happen that a person directs his efforts to one thing, and another happens by itself.” But, oddly enough, in this matter this iron logic often fails. Although, if you think about it, what’s so strange here? Women with unfortunate fates often have distorted character. Fact? Fact. Many become embittered, touchy, irritable, ambitious, and vindictively petty. This is naturally not in the best possible way affects their relationships with co-workers, and therefore their career. A conflicted person makes enemies, colleagues strive to get rid of him...

What if, say, a woman constantly has scandals in her family? What if the children got out of hand? No matter how much the mother drives away painful, anxious thoughts, they will not go away and will still prevent her from concentrating on work. Yes, sometimes we plunge into work headlong, trying to forget. But then work becomes a kind of drug. And any drug addiction does not lead to good.

How often these days women dream of a career, deep down they are annoyed that they have to spend time raising a newborn child! But if something happens to him, it turns out that nothing is nice. If only the child was alive and well. One day I heard my mother’s story: “I spent all of Valino’s childhood on business trips. I liked the profession of a geologist so much! I dreamed of becoming a doctor of science; I was predicted to have a brilliant future. The son stayed with my parents. He was bored, cried, asked: “Mom, don’t leave!” Then he grew up and seemed to get used to it. And then, at the age of thirteen, he suddenly became a stranger, became withdrawn, and began to conflict with the guys and teachers. I became worried, tried to be at home more, even left work to take care of the child. But it was too late. Now he’s gone (the boy committed suicide - author), and I understand that I don’t need a dissertation, or heading a department, or traveling abroad.”

How many mothers recognize themselves in this sad confession of a stranger who came up to me one day after my performance in some club or library?! Of course, not all stories end so tragically, but their general meaning remains unchanged: by building a career at the expense of raising children, a woman ultimately loses in both fields.

A little about the disadvantages of “genderless pedagogy”

Changing traditional roles and behavior patterns is always fraught with negative consequences. Although sometimes this is not immediately obvious. In recent years, not only here, but also in other countries, voices have increasingly been heard in defense of separate education for boys and girls. An experiment was recently carried out in one English county, and it turned out that academic performance in single-sex schools is higher than in those where boys and girls study together. Strange? Not at all! The fact is that physiologically and psychologically boys are several years behind girls. Therefore, when they study together, the boys develop a “failure” complex. In elementary and high school They are shorter than girls, and often physically weaker, and less neat. Their notebooks are dirty, their handwriting is worse, and so are their grades... All this, as you understand, does not stimulate the desire to learn in most boys... When boys are not put in a deliberately losing position, they feel calm and show much better results. On the other hand, girls, who usually begin to become interested in gender issues earlier than boys, are not distracted during separate classes, do not make eyes, do not pass notes...

I recently visited the Moscow kindergarten, where they also try to separate the girls. They have classes and walks together, but the rest of their kindergarten life: eating, sleeping, playing - goes on separately. I visited there and thought: “This is necessary! How much have we heard in recent years about the fallacy of “genderless pedagogy” (one that does not take into account gender differences) and about the need for sex education for children. But here it is, right next to us! Normal, without obscenity, without declassifying topics that are traditionally considered unchildish in our country, without cynical peeping through the keyhole...” With children in this kindergarten they do not discuss the topic “where did I come from,” but simply present them with examples of the standard masculine every day and female behavior. Boys are taught to be courageous, hardy, gallant towards little ladies.

Let's talk about girls in more detail. When you find yourself in their half, you remember E. Zola’s novel “Ladies’ Happiness”. What's not there! Living room with miniature upholstered furniture and an artfully painted fireplace. Mini-cafe with umbrellas and bowls for ice cream made from snow-white cotton wool. Festive table with many dishes made from dough and painted with paints. Dolls with strollers and a bunch of outfits. A real women's kingdom, in which every girl is a little princess. She behaves accordingly. Only ballerinas are so effortlessly direct: their plasticity is striking in femininity, and their figure is striking in grace.

At first, many girls, when they first came to kindergarten, resembled boys in their behavior. Especially those who had older brothers. And the other kids’ manners were not distinguished by grace, because in the kindergarten there are many children from dysfunctional families, where rudeness and aggressiveness are the norm. But it soon became noticeable how the girls here began to change quickly. And without much pressure from adults. It’s just that in this cozy and very noble environment it was unnatural to behave boorishly. And children are sensitive to falsehood.

Coming to visit the girls' quarters, the boys are clearly petrified by the abundance of "trinkets" and are relieved to return to their quarters, to the usual male surroundings - sabers, fireman's helmets, and toy soldiers. But at the same time, they are not tempted to destroy the girls' paradise. Although, in general, don’t feed the boys bread - just let them break the girls’ game in order to demonstrate their superiority over crybabies and sneaks. This is their way to establish themselves, to show who is “the best.” And while the kindergarten was ordinary, the tomboys, naturally, did not miss the opportunity to harm the girls. Now, when there is nothing to share, they not only do not offend the girls, but are also happy to let them go ahead, give up the best places, etc.

Education of femininity

In my opinion, the main problem in raising today's girls is the education of femininity. It seems like nonsense. Why educate what is inherent in nature itself? However, a paradoxical thing happened: in the struggle for equality, women won, but as a result they switched to playing on someone else’s field, and lost their positions, losing the feminine softness, purity and naive grace that so touches strong men.

Modern style is assertive, aggressive, daring. Teenage girls try to keep up with the boys: they swear, practice karate and wushu, smoke, drink, “change partners,” and increasingly join gangs. For many, it seems unprestigious to be feminine - it is perceived as a sign of weakness. He-Man's girlfriends are held in high esteem, capable of knocking down an opponent on both shoulder blades. True, it is difficult to imagine them as tender, caring mothers, but they don’t need this, they are “not in this line.”

And look at the toys. Isn't it girls before offered to play bodybuilders, hung with a variety of weapons? To be fair, I note that charming dolls with porcelain faces are also, of course, on the shelves. But, firstly, not everyone can afford them, and secondly, this is yesterday, retro style.

I'm not talking about books. Actually, even twenty years ago we had little specifically girlish literature (here it is, “genderless pedagogy”!): Aseeva’s read-to-the-hole “Dinka”, some stories by Lev Kassil, short stories by Alexander Green, very popular in the 1970s and 80s . “Girls, a book for you”... Nowadays there are even fewer books for girls. Not all of the old ones have been reprinted, but the new ones are mainly detective stories and adventures for boys and about boys. Even “Alice” by Kir Bulychev, according to my observations, boys like to read more! (Well, yes, these are fantastic adventures!) We rightly criticize Latin American television series, but we do not offer girls high-quality examples of romantic film history. The same can be said about the pulp books now popular among teenage girls, urgently translated from English or hastily concocted by domestic authors.

Not only do they spoil the literary taste, which is already underdeveloped in modern children. Besides this - and this is the main danger! — by devouring such literary concoction, girls become imbued with knowledge that is completely unnecessary at their age, learn the “art of seduction,” and acquire views and psychological attitudes that, as a rule, do not lead to good. These books often combine sex and romance. Taking advantage of the fact that teenage girls, like a hundred years ago, dream of love, the authors make a clever substitution: instead of platonic, sublime love, they aim young readers at something completely different - at what is expressed with extreme frankness in teenage magazines in headlines like : “Are you really still a virgin at thirteen?” In books this may be retouched, but the essence remains the same.

Most modern pulp literature for teenage girls inflames sensuality, instills the idea of ​​the permissibility and even desirability of bed relationships in adolescence and presents as a standard the image of an assertive, self-confident, impatient heroine who does not hesitate to impose herself on guys (she calls this “getting her way” ), often behaves like a complete prostitute, puts her own pleasure above all else, and therefore, naturally, violates “outdated” moral norms, considering them stupid, dense prejudices. One of the main qualities of such a girl is rampant self-will, called the “thirst for freedom.” Her parents, of course, “don’t understand” her, “get in the way”, “pressure”. Moreover, everything is described in such a way as to arouse girls’ sympathy for the heroine and admiration for her. She is depicted as smart, brave, independent, successful. At the end of the book, luck usually awaits her. And seduced teenage girls begin to imitate their favorite characters, without thinking that they are falling into a trap. Playing on someone else's field is a dangerous activity. By abandoning natural feminine qualities: modesty, gentleness, caring, the ability to endure and be compassionate, girls, without knowing it, cut off their own nature and instill in themselves the properties of another. No, not male. It's still impossible. No matter how many stripes an antelope paints on its back, it will not turn into a tiger. But he can become a laughing stock in the animal kingdom.

So it is with “advanced” teenage girls. At first, it seems to them that they have gained freedom and independence, that the whole world lies at their feet, everyone is ready to look after them, everyone is crazy about them. But very quickly it turns out that the guys look at them as a thing, an object of consumption. And a thing, especially in a society based on consumer psychology, is valued only while it is new. I used it and threw it away. Why save it when you can get another one for pennies, or even for nothing?

As soon as the girlish freshness wears off (and now, with the spread of pedophilia, this happens very quickly: for example, for Lolita fans, an 18-19 year old girl is already an “old woman”), the “object” becomes uninteresting. And this is logical. Why, exactly, should it be different? In a consumer society, things are interchangeable. And the feelings, experiences... It’s even funny. How does the thing feel?

Therefore, I would advise parents who are seriously thinking about the future of their daughters to pay special attention to the romantic upbringing of girls. Do not be afraid that it will come into conflict with life, which, of course, is harsher than in the novels of S. Bronte. (Although not completely cynical, as the “yellow” pages of the media try to convince us). Romanticism strengthens the soul in an amazing way. Moreover, it corresponds to feminine nature itself. Do not limit yourself to literature - naturally, its classic, high-quality examples. Tell girls about your relatives and friends whom you consider worthy role models. Remember our and foreign history. There are many examples of female kindness, purity, selflessness, and mercy in it. More often put the girl in a situation where she needs to take care of someone. And, of course, celebrate this as a great advantage! Recognition of merit is a huge incentive for a child, but many parents, unfortunately, still neglect it. Do not encourage teenage girls to become interested in cosmetics. Nowadays, some mothers, having heard plenty of advice about how important it is to teach girls to wear makeup and take care of their skin from childhood (they say this is what cultivating femininity is all about), buy their 10-12-year-old daughters “children’s” lipstick or “children’s” eye shadow. Why this is persistently promoted by cosmetics manufacturing companies is understandable: for them, the more buyers, the better. But why parents fall for these cheap tricks is not easy to understand. Indeed, in the perception of girls, the use of cosmetics is very important step on the way to adult life. And by encouraging such steps, mothers unwittingly push their daughters towards everything else that is associated with modern teenage concepts of adulthood. At the age of five, a girl will ask to paint her nails “like her mother’s” and go play “mother-daughter.” And at twelve, girls wearing makeup go to completely different places and play other, not so innocent games.

The soft conquers the hard

“And yet,” you ask, “why are some girls “little princesses”, while others are “little robbers”? Is it really just a matter of upbringing?” Of course not. A lot depends on the characterological characteristics of the child, on his temperament. “Little robbers” are often hyperactive children or demonstrative girls who like to attract attention, even negative attention. And it happens that a child has an adventurous character. In addition, a lot depends on the examples that adults set. Girls growing up in families with older brothers often (though not always) imitate boys. In each specific case, you need to understand the reason for your daughter’s “robbery” antics and think about how to set her up for something positive. Agree that there is a big difference between a “bandit” and an avid hiker.

It is noteworthy that kindergarten, which I talked about (where boys have their own approach, and girls have their own), even the “inveterate little robbers” gradually become more affectionate and obedient. “The soft conquers the hard,” says an old Chinese proverb. And this ancient expression seems wise to me today.

T. L. Shishova, teacher, member of the Union of Writers of Russia